Megaloi -- "Great Things"

Descending Mount Stupid

2012-01-26T16:31:00.000-06:00

As promised, I want to explain why I was so quiet on the blog last year. While I've noted that there were lots of lessons learned through that time of transition, the lessons weren't learned immediately. Through my actual experience of unemployment, for example, there were distinct phases in my confidence about how much I thought I knew about unemployment:

Before I quit -- "I know exactly how this will go, and what unemployed people should do with their time."
Right after I quit -- "Yep, this is working just like I thought."
Two weeks after I quit -- "Hm, this isn't quite like I thought."
A month after I quit -- "I was so clueless. I know nothing about this. Hope I didn't offend anybody with my earlier confidence."
Another month later -- "Okay, so I wasn't totally clueless, but I was close. I'm now so much more aware of my ignorance."

The genius cartoonist Zach Weiner over at Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal summed it up beautifully with a graph titled "Mount Stupid":

For the rest of 2011, I was descending Mount Stupid in a lot of areas:

Work -- I wasn't sure about my own career or next step, let alone what other people should be doing in a complicated 21st Century economy
Economics -- I studied a lot in this area during 2011. And it finally made me feel a lot dumber. None of the PhDs seem to be able to agree on anything, so how could an amateur like me offer a valuable opinion?
Faith -- I studied this some more as well and came away equally humbled. Whether it was a look at doctrine, languages or cultural history I became amazed again at how little I knew about any of it.

As I hit that trough in the valley after Mount Stupid, I became totally silent in that humility.

And then I kept studying, kept learning, kept moving. And while I may be ready once again to share some thoughts on topics such as faith and economics, I'll hopefully be doing so in a style that's more inquisitive than it is authoritative.

Because that graph doesn't show what happens as you keep moving to the right, but I think I know what comes next. Yet another decline down Mount Stupid #2, and the cycle repeats...

Five life changes I learned from in 2011

2012-01-14T16:55:00.001-06:00

My family knew that 2011 would likely hold a job/career change for me. I was no longer a fit for the company I'd been with for five years and needed to make a move before they were forced to fire me.

Little did I know that the job change would trigger all sorts of domino effects for us, most of them stressful at the time but very beneficial when looked upon with some distance and perspective. Thankfully Jamie and kids willingly hopped aboard the ride and we went through it together. Here's the lowdown:

Change #1 -- I quit my job in May

Obviously that's kind of a big deal, especially when you're the sole breadwinner in a family of five during a recession marked by terrible unemployment rates. But my family was behind me all the way, and may have even been ahead of me, waiting for me to catch up and make the bold move that they already knew was necessary.

     What I learned: Sometimes you're too close to a situation to make the decision that's for your own good. Listen to someone you love and trust them.

Change #2 -- I was unemployed for two months

This duration may seem laughable when so many people have been out of work for much longer. But it was good for my spirit and my humility to detach from vocation as a form of self-identity. I had no job -- what would my answer be when someone asked, "What do you do"? And it allowed me (forced me?) to get real about what had gone wrong at my previous job, and what I would look for in the next one.

     What I learned: It's easier to use a compass after you hop off the merry-go-round.

3. Change #3 -- I took a job that was different in almost every way from what I did before

I went from managing 11 people to managing nobody. From a low-technology company to a software development firm. From a very small company in decline, to a larger company in its second decade of consistent growth. From a huge office with amenities and four weeks of annual vaction to a cubicle with no prestige and very little vacation.

     What I learned: Just because you climbed the ladder in one building doesn't mean there's an elevated tunnel to the next. You might have to climb down, walk across the street ,and start over again from the ground floor. And that can be a good thing.

Change #4 -- We moved over 800 miles to a new home... a half-mile from where I grew up

I never thought I'd be back where I lived as a teenager. That my kids would be zoned to the same high school I attended, in a midwestern suburb, and I would again be able to live so close to my parents. But here we are!

     What I learned: Be very careful about the "nevers" in your plans. Someday you might have to eat those words.

Change #5 -- For the first time in our 13 years of marriage, we experienced financial stress

We moved and bought a house before our Houston house was sold. Actually it still hasn't sold, but things have worked out and some good friends of ours are renting it for a while. That period of making two mortgage payments and incurring moving expenses drained our liquid assets pretty quickly. This was a new source of stress for us and has been so educational.

     What I learned: Your level of financial hardship is often relative to where you've been before. This is deceptive. A middle class family can freak out when the checking account gets low, while others feel blessed eating three meals a day.

These five things combined to spur a new type of change in my spirit, which I will illustrate and explain in the next post. It will show why I was so quiet on the blog in 2011.

Grace and peace!

--Michael

Favorite Movie Viewings of 2011

2012-01-03T15:13:00.004-06:00

Long time no see!

I'll be writing more soon to let you in on how things are going, why I was silent for much of 2011, and why I'll be so much more prolific with blog postings in 2012. But for now, I'll stick with my annual routine of ranking my favorite movies seen in 2011.

Some of these were released in earlier years, but I didn't get around to them until 2011. Overall I watched 62 movies during the year, which felt just about right. Jamie and I don't watch any TV except for some sports games, and we also like to read. I don't really have a "goal" for watching a certain number of movies, but if I did, I'd want to see at least 70 in 2012. There are so many high-quality films out there today, especially if you veer off the main Hollywood track. I'm sure I've missed many other great ones that would have blessed me and changed me.

Without further delay:

Favorite foreign film -- Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I had not read the book but Jamie had, so she helped me fill in the gaps in the story as we watched. This first film was highly tense, sharp and brutal. The next two films in the series weren't quite as strong in my opinion, and their plots were even harder to follow without the benefit of reading the books. Honorable mention in this category goes to Tell No One, which was a very intricate mystery tale that almost lost this American viewer who is used to simple plots. But I made it, understood it and loved it!

Favorite action film -- Kick-Ass wins this category, with a surprisingly solid mix of story, acting and effects. Multiple times during the viewing I almost pinched myself and wondered why the big-budget movies like Spiderman, Hulk, Iron Man, etc... couldn't evoke the tension, laughter and horror I was experiencing with this much cheaper movie. District B13 is the honorable mention (also a foreign film) with the best stunts I've seen in years.

Disappointments:

Breach -- interesting true-ish story but focused on the wrong character
Pandorum -- excellent sci-fi/horror but chickened out with a tonally wrong ending
Love and Other Drugs -- was this supposed to be comedy, drama, romance... felt too scattered
Never Let Me Go -- I've heard the book was excellent. Stick with that.
The Adjustment Bureau -- a fascinating premise but again chickened out at the end

Best little surprises:

Monsters -- sneakily touching sci-fi story about how all of us (even scary aliens) probably want the same things in life
Solitary Man -- Michael Douglas in a pitch-perfect role and performance... that nobody seemed to notice
Little Children -- if you had paused the movie after one hour and asked who I thought would be the most courageous, honest and heroic character at the end, I would have miscalculated badly
True Grit -- I like that the good guys were flawed and the bad guys were sympathetic

Overall favorites:

5) Social Network -- timely and expertly crafted
4) Kids are All Right -- sparked all kinds of conversation for me, it was like the big-question catalyst just when I needed one
3) Black Swan -- put me inside a crazy person more closely than I've ever been before (and closer than I care to go again, probably)
2) Inception -- genius storytelling that layers it on just barely slowly enough so that I can keep up
1) King's Speech -- a tale both inspiring and important, in ways both national and personal

* These rankings and reviews are from an amateur. If you would like a professional opinion from me, that means I'd have to make money at it. Offers are welcome; inquire within the comments section.

10 years later

2011-09-11T21:56:00.002-05:00

Of course a lot of the blogosphere has been full of 9/11 thoughts this weekend, and I'll briefly join them.

Over the past decade, one trend I've noticed in myself is a continually more optimistic view of individual people, and a continually more pessimistic view of groups.

I know lots of great Christians who live in the bible belt and vote Republican, but I fear the religious right looks and acts insane on a regular basis.

I know some brilliant and compassionate Democrats, but I fear the liberal left looks and acts impotent to tackle the social challenges of 21st Century America.

I've met atheists, Hindus, Muslims and Buddhists and am proud to call them my friends. But I fear that religiously-fueled wars and acts of terrorism will continue to have major impact on billions of lives.

In all this complexity, my final wish for us is surprisingly simple. As we each grow in maturity and love, I hope that we could each picture ourselves in front of Osama Bin Laden on September 12, 2001. One day after his "victory" in killing thousands of Americans and frightening millions more in an intricate and well-executed plan.

And my hope is that if I, or you, was face-to-face with this lethal killer one day late, that we would not be filled with falsely-righteous rage nor falsely-compassionate cowardice. I hope we could see him as a human being, horribly flawed and guilty, although perhaps no more than we would have been had we been born in his shoes.

If I faced OBL on Sept. 12, 2001, I don't know what I'd do. But no matter what action I took, I hope that the very best version of myself would be filled with an overwhelming sense that this man had killed the innocent in hate and premeditation. And that this kind of act had a precedent, and only one proper response:

Father forgive him, for he knows not what he's done.

But until each one of us becomes that best version of ourselves, we'll keep looking for those bright spots in the midst of religious, military and political wars.

God bless America, and God bless our enemies.

A strange example of what it might mean to "honor thy mother"

2011-05-07T14:02:00.002-05:00

The bible has a few different instances of instructions to children, and how they should obey their parents.

Things change as the child grows, though, and eventually they mature into adults with children of their own. At that point, while a 30yo might not be called to always obey their own parents, they are certainly called to honor them.

Mother's Day is surely an opportunity for us adults to honor our mothers, and we should do so! It is a special relationship and no matter how awesome, loving, flawed or absent your own mother might have been, she has undoubdedly shaped much of the way you live.

I look at the way Jesus honored his mother in the bible, and it didn't always include obedience or even explicit words of affection:

-- When as a 12yo he went to the temple, he knew his mother would be worried about him. But for some reason he felt that he was in the right place, and there was a higher purpose than his mother's peace of mind.
-- When she asked him to make more wine for a wedding party, he spoke to her in a way that could be seen as disrespectful ("Woman, it is not yet my time"). Yet he obeyed and performed what we consider may have been his first public miracle.
-- As he was dying on the cross, his love for his mother shone through. We only see seven recorded statements from Jesus on the cross, which makes sense for someone dying of asphyxiation. One of those final seven statements was to make sure she would not be alone ("behold your son", talking about John) and to make sure someone would take care of her ("behold your mother", talking to John).

So sometimes Jesus honored his mother with words, but other times his words were mixed and his honor took a much more complex form through the way he lived.

Mine works the same.

I will call my mother tomorrow and tell her I love her, you bet! Yet my life also includes very complex, difficult decisions as I care for my own family, and I can honor my mother by how I make those decisions.

As an example, I quit my job last week. And I don't have another job lined up yet. This could be seen superficially as a rebellious rejection of my mother's teachings, since there were many times she told my brother and I never to leave a job until we already had the next one in place.

Yet a few years ago my brother also quit a job without having the next one landed. What's happening here? Were we honoring our mother?

I say wholeheartedly, "Yes we are!"

Because while she taught us to find a job before leaving a job, she also taught us higher values of integrity, faith and a generous and light hand with material wealth.

Integrity called me to leave this job now since I was in a leadership position, and was being pushed to make commitments both publicly and privately that I knew I couldn't live up to.

Faith reminded me that when I live with integrity (and really, even when I don't), things usually work out and my family will not starve.

A decade's worth of careful and conscious stewardship by my wife and I have put us in a financial position to be without a job, yet still without hardship.

So sometimes we have a choice -- to follow a single instruction from our mother, or to break that instruction by following the more holistic themes of her teaching.

These are the ways we honor her. I will call her and say I love her. I will raise my children with dedication and sacrifice. I will remember that I'm not the most important person in the world. And sometimes I'll even quit a job, turn away from a friend or ruffle feathers at church.

At a simple view, those things might not seem like they honor my mother. But thank God, she knows that life is not always simple!

Love you Mom!

How I reconcile different biblical views of eternity

2011-04-16T13:44:00.003-05:00

Instead of using words like "traditionalism", "universalism" and "Calvinism", I'd like to change the language into something more approachable. How about these words:

1) Judgment
2) Mercy
3) Divine plan

I think we have a love/hate relationship with those three things:

1) We love judgment sometimes because it fulfills our sense of fairness, but we'd hate that to mean that we or our loved ones must suffer in eternal torment.

2) We love mercy because, well... who wouldn't? But we hate that it seems to conflict with our sense of justice, and isn't all this stuff on earth a charade if God's mercy just sends everyone to heaven anyway?

3) We love that God has a master plan, but hate the idea that any of it might overrule our free will.

My picture of eternity embraces all three of these concepts without conflict. Here's how:

Judgment

I've never met a human being who was 100% pure, good and blameless. We all have junk, and we'll still have some of that junk when we die and will carry that junk right to the gates of heaven on judgment day.

So what happens with our junk when we get to heaven? I don't think God snaps his fingers and makes it vanish, because even though the junk is bad it's a very real and core part of my soul at that point. To delete it like a rotten computer program not only fundamentally changes my personality, but it does so in the cheapest way possible!

I do believe that God wants me to release my baggage, but I think it will be a process. One that is undeniably painful, possibly slow, but ultimately much more rewarding and powerful than just having my issues washed away.

I think God will give us perspective to see how our faults have hurt others and hurt ourselves. He'll give us the ability to empathize powerfully and see ourselves through the eyes of our friends and enemies. We'll gain understanding in whole new ways about the consequences of sin, and how our bad choices caused so much hardship.

When it's my turn, God will probably show me things like how my anger crushed my children's spirits. How my emotional apathy left others cold and unfulfilled in their hour of need. How my selfishness held me back and caused me to miss so many beautiful moments and relationships that would have blossomed in the cause of shared generosity.

This will suck, no doubt. It's judgment; it's not supposed to be fun. But I think it awaits every one of us, and that the purpose is redemptive.

God doesn't want us to just make it to heaven however possible so he can erase the bad stuff. He wants us to genuinely progress into the best version of ourselves that He intended all along, and will give us the tools, the time and the support to get there.

That's why I believe the stakes of righteousness are indeed high in this life. The lessons we learn now save us pain both today and later on. The ripple effects continue through eternity.

Mercy

I've never met a human being who was 100% vile, evil and free of virtue. We all have spots of nobility, and we'll still have that when we die and will carry that right to the gates of heaven and beyond.

But in the section above I said that I also think we'll bring baggage with us into the next life. And if we're still walking around with baggage, we're going to need lots and lots of God's mercy.

I think He'll have more than enough, and it will work seamlessly with his judgment.

Think about it -- judgment left to run untethered means massive consequences for small offenses. You call me a name, I have you fired. You cut me off in traffic, I shoot you. You hurt my child, I kill your whole family. You make some bad choices for a few decades, I condemn you to eternal punishment with no chance of escape? Those sentences don't fit the crimes.

But if mercy runs untethered, then no growth happens and the lack of justice saps the meaning out of our choices. A kid gets whatever they want, they turn spoiled. A man of power lives above the law, he never confronts his personal demons. A female celebrity listens only to her adoring posse and feels like a helpless victim when things go wrong in life, because surely it's not her fault.

We need both mercy and judgment working together to become better people. I do help my kids experience consequences for their actions, but only in the context of a relationship with me that includes unconditional love. I'm a very imperfect father but I understand that for my kids to be their best, I have to display mercy, and give them the confidence that they are always mine, no matter what. That there are very few guarantees in life, and one of them is my love.

God does that too, and will keep offering us His love and mercy as we move through His judgment.

Divine Plan

We ascribe a lot of different character traits to God based on the bible: love, faithfulness, righteousness, even jealousy! But one I rarely see, and I believe is a crucial and endearing part of His character, is stubborness.

It takes a stubborn soul to peg Moses as a leader after 40 years in Egypt and 40 years as a secluded rancher. It takes a stubborn soul to stick with the nation of Israel for centuries as their faith wavered up and down. It takes a stubborn soul to look at 12 fishermen, yokels and backbiters and say with confidence, "this is my tribe, and I'll make something great out of them."

I can't read the bible with all the obvious stubborness of God and think that He'll give up on the majority of His creation on judgment day. That soul by soul, eternity is sealed after a few short years of human life. He's too stubborn for that, and I think He'll wait us out.

I believe the bible passages that say God is redeeming all things back to Himself, and that this whole universe is a one-way road headed home. There are plenty of exits and detours along the way, but God's got all the time in the world. There's no need to force people to do anything, or overpower our free will. He'll offer a path of judgment that will make us face up to our shortcomings, all within the context of mercy and patience.

So I do think eternity will include judgment. For everyone.

And I think eternity will include mercy. For everyone.

And I think that everything is going perfectly to plan, and that your free will is 100% intact and you can take things at exactly the pace you want in your walk towards God. The slower you go, the tougher it might be and the longer it will take, but what is time to God?

The battle over eternity

2011-04-03T20:36:00.004-05:00

I have a knack for taking two opposing views and finding some things of great merit in each of them.

I also have a knack for taking two opposing views and finding glaring weaknesses in each of them.

Basically, on any given day both sides might love me or hate me. And for my own opinion, it usually ends up somewhere in the middle, and I choose to not play the game of polarity.

The battle over eternity is no different. Traditional believers in heaven/hell, annihilationists, universalists, Calvinists... all have had their days in the sun over the past two millenia. And each can easily cite scriptures to support their views, and rightly so. Each one has merit based on biblical texts. Yet each view of eternity also has serious problems reconciling fully with the biblical texts.

Actually, I understated that. Each view cannot possibly reconcile fully with the biblical texts. Because the bible says things like this:

Matthew 25:41 -- "Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels."

2 Thessalonians 1:9 -- "They will be punished with everlasting destruction and shut out from the presence of the Lord and from the majesty of his power"

Colossians 19-20 -- "For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross."

Revelation 20:13 -- "The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what he had done."

I picked just four passages but already I wish anyone good luck in reconciling them all, especially if you want to get deep into the historical, cultural and language contexts of each. So in this fight between hell and universalism, between free will and predestination, between eternal souls and annihilation... I choose not to play. I think it's a false choice.

Maybe the bible has all those different statements because each viewpoint of eternity is partly true!

Traditional view -- I think you're right. There will be judgment on judgment day, and it won't all be pretty and graceful.

Universalists -- I think you're right. The final story will be more beautiful than we can possibly imagine, and in the end, the gospel (GOOD NEWS) will prevail.

Calvinists -- I think you're right. God knew what he was doing with this universe right from the beginning, and it's going perfectly to plan.

Annihilationists -- I think you're right. There are pieces of our souls, and perhaps even parts of creation, that will one day be destroyed forever.

But I also think that in other ways, every view has it wrong. And to take any one view as the only truth leaves out some important elements of who God is, and what He has in store for us.

To me it's a false choice. There's another way.

Yep, still here!

2011-03-10T20:50:00.003-06:00

Life's been crazy. I'll break it down briefly by category:

Work

I resigned my position as a Director of two departments at the end of the year, but didn't quit the company. Since then I've been job searching as much as possible while still doing odd jobs and projects at the office.

Now the Chairman has changed directions and wants me to take over three departments, two of which I'll be building from scratch. All of this is exciting, but the fundamentals of the business are still extremely weak and we'll probably be bankrupt in a year or so, which is why I resigned my position in the first place.

For now, though, I have some job security while I continue the search. And I get to be extremely challenged and under pressure (which I have to admit, is when I perform best) during my day job.

Family health

I had the worst flu of my life last month, with five days of high fever and at least two weeks of lethargy and weakness. Wouldn't be surprised at all if it was a swine flu variant.

Two of the kids also got the flu, and one of them got strep throat on top of it. All three kids have had ear infections already this year, and we're on our sixth or seventh dose of antibiotics since January. If there's a race to reaching our extremly high health insurance deductible, I think we'll win. And this week Jamie's lingering cold has progressed to the point where she's lost her voice.

Two weeks ago we hosted a party at our house for some fellow church families -- 12 kids running around outside while I grilled pork tenderloin. Samantha tried a trick on her bike and... didn't quite make it. Busted up some of her teeth, with one dangling by a thread and another chipped in half. Unfortunately all of them are adult teeth, and grew in less than a year ago. Fortunately she's been spared from implants or root canals so far, and we may end up dodging most of those things and only needing some cosmetic work.

My grammy has been sick and it's brought home the beautiful truth that I am a mid-30s male with all four of his granpdarents still alive. They are so dear to me, and I know that eventually it will be their time to move on. That gets more real as time passes, and I'm quite inexperienced at handling that kind of loss. It's a part of life I've mostly dodged so far.

Church

Jamie and I had that meeting with the financial team, and shared our concerns that the church would sit on money or fund administrative things while acute needs went unmet in our community.

Last week, an elder stood up in front of the whole congregation and announced the decision that they would spend the contingency fund (set aside for a replacement air conditioner when our 12-year-old unit inevitably breaks down) on the community needs. And if the air conditioner dies, we'll find a way to fund it if it's really important. The church clapped and cheered at the news.

The bible class group I taught for about six months (about 50 people, mostly retired/elderly) has shifted topics and is taking on the issue of science and faith. It's a huge interest of mine and this is the first time our church has focused on the science part, without forcing a literal bible interpretation.

It's being taught by the following, all members our our little 50-person group:
-- Former CEO of BP Amoco Canada and BP Amoco Eurasia. He's a PhD geophysicist.
-- Another geophysicist, this one an expert in carbon dating and fossils, who will talk to us about the Cambrian explosion
-- A mathematician and astronomer who was on the Apollo 11 team, and was responsible for all the formulas that got the module from earth orbit to the moon, and back. He showed us his notes and scribbles, and had an amazing model of the rocket that he disassembled piece-by-piece to recreate the mission.
-- A bioengineer who will talk us through some of the amazing ways organisms work

We live in Houston, Texas, which in a way can be called a scientific center of the world. Science has three core disciplines: 1) Mathematics/physics 2) Biology 3) Earth science. And here locally we have 1) NASA 2) The world's leading medical center 3) America's leading oil/gas industry.

You can't live here and have any influence whatsoever in the community if you teach 12th Century science as the only biblically-accurate option. I love the fact our church is taking this on and giving a voice to those of us who not only believe in an old earth and universe, but have used that model to expand our appreciation and love for God.

Life's moving pretty fast. I'm still around though, if only to comment on your own blogs more often that I write here. But eventually I'll have another burst of posts, like I always do.

Entitlement (a rant)

2011-02-15T16:05:00.004-06:00

There's a lot of talk right now about President Obama's budget plan that he submitted for approval:

-- Democrats are furious that he actually included spending cuts in the plan, in programs that serve students, the poor and the unemployed.

-- Republicans are furious that he didn't cut enough spending, and they have an alternative plan to remove more "discretionary" programs from the budget.

-- Neither side is saying or doing a thing about the "entitlement" programs (Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid), even though they're nearly half the current federal budget.

-- Neither side is saying or doing a thing about military spending, even though it's a full 20% of our budget and our accomplishments on the battlefield have been arguable in value for the past decade.

-- Neither side is saying or doing a thing about increasing tax revenues to shrink the deficit, even though almost half of all Americans paid zero federal income tax last year.

What they've focused on is the mere 20% of the budget that they deem "discretionary" (veteran benefits, scientific research, education, foreign aid, transportation, etc...).

I have a strong opinion on this, and you might want to sit down first, since this is so antithetical to the current debate in Washington...

It's all discretionary.

We're not required to have a military force six times larger than every other country on the planet, nor to exceed the nuclear weapon capacity of the rest of the world combined.

We're not required to spend half our budget taking care of the elderly, no matter how noble that is, and no matter how much that impacts people I love. Because in another decade or so, when the boomers are retired, caring for them at this level will no longer be possible.

We're not entitled to any governmental benefits. My taxes go to meet today's needs -- they're not put away in a fund for me to tap into later if I'm disabled or retired. My taxes serve my country today; I have no claim on the money tomorrow.

We're not entitled to borrow from the rest of the world. China and others are sovereign nations with their own interests in mind, and that may not always include giving the US a loan.

We're not entitled to an ever-increasing quality of life. Nations fall, economies crumble, the world takes three steps forward and two steps back. If we look at Eastern Europe, Asia and Africa we recognize that our relative stability and consistent upward trajectory is the exception, not the rule.

We're not entitled to keep riding the gravy train with cheap prescription drugs and free medical care at the expense of the few, and we're not entitled to get rich with new business models that exploit the poorer and less educated.

We're not entitled to millions of dollars in life-saving care for our precious babies born months prematurely. We're not entitled to millions of dollars in life-saving care for our elderly family member who just suffered their third stroke.

We're not entitled to bailouts, tax breaks, unemployment benefits, food stamps, mortgage interest deductions, smooth interstate highways, college education, free housing or monthly checks from Uncle Sam.

I wish we could do all of those things (without raising taxes!) but we can't.

We get what we pay for, and what we work for. And if we continue to ignore the real budget albatrosses, focus instead on nitpicky expenses and completely ignore a declining tax revenue base, then we'll get less. A lot less.

And we'll deserve it.

An application of the golden rule

2011-01-26T12:04:00.005-06:00

Some of you know that my favorite part of the bible is the Sermon on the Mount. This hardly makes me unique; in fact it's probably one of the most often cited "favorite" sections of the bible.

I just love it - -the buildup as Jesus' ministry gets going, the slap-your-face boldness of his message of charity and forgiveness, I even love the differences in sequence and phrasing between Matthew's account and Luke's account.

But one of the key messages of the sermon is surely the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would want them to do to you.

This isn't a passive instruction to wish well for people, or have positive feelings for your neighbor. It's a call to action, and it's very clear that this applies across the board to how we treat everyone: friends, enemies, family, strangers... we're not excused in our treatment of any person on earth. They all deserve to be given empathy.

So last week I started thinking (usually dangerous)... who are some of the most hated/feared/unknown people in my circles of influence? The answer came to me quickly: Muslims.

"Who" of Golden Rule

I'm feeling called to live out the golden rule in a powerful way that's new to me. And when defining whom the "others" are that I'm supposed to treat well, I knew it was going to be Muslims.

I don't know why. I'm not sure I even know a Muslim personally. But maybe that's because I am not ready. It's time to work on that.

"What" of Golden Rule

So how would I want to be treated by a Muslim friend?

I'd want them to see me as a whole person, not a label. I'd want them to give me space for my personality quirks, my blind spots and my screwups. I'd want them to help encourage me to be a better version of who I am today.

And I'd hope that at some point they would want to listen to my faith story. That I could tell them about the inspiration and example I see in Jesus, and how the bible continues to shape my life's journey. Yes, I'd want them to give the bible a chance, with an open mind, and to give me a chance in telling how it's shaped me.

So how I apply the golden rule to a Muslim seems pretty obvious -- I need to read the Koran, with an open mind. I cannot possibly expect someone to listen to my faith journey if I am not ready to listen to theirs, and I cannot expect them to explore my texts until I have read theirs.

"When" of Golden Rule

I'm already reading the Koran. In totally 21st Century fashion of course, with an electronic version on the Kindle device, downloaded for a dollar. It's a highly-regarded English translation, which is all I can handle although I know I'm missing a lot of the beautiful poetry that lies in the original Arabic.

It's a short text, compared to the bible. And while I'm in no rush and want to read at a pace that allows me to appreciate the message, it probably won't take more than a month to read the entire Koran.

What I've Learned in The First Chapters

-- The Koran assumes the reader already has a pretty good knowledge of the bible, both Old and New Testaments. I didn't expect all the references to the "people of the Book" , meaning Christians and Jews. Most comments about we people of the book are positive.

-- No nonsense about heaven being a place where men pleasure themselves with 72 virgins. Heaven is described as lush gardens with flowing water.

-- There are quite a few threats of hell and eternal fire, mostly for disobedience of Allah's laws.

-- There are regular instructions to be peaceful and charitable.

I'm sure as this experience continues, I'll have lots more to share. See you soon!

Working juuuuuust a bit outside the system

2011-01-23T20:25:00.002-06:00

Jamie gave me some good feedback at home after my last post, and noted that only in the area of corporate systems did I mention that my best memories are when working slightly outside the system. She then noted that perhaps this was true in other areas as well, and I think she's right.

Corporate systems

When our company's strategy started to look really broken a few months ago, I worked to see what I could do to help. I couldn't fix the problems, so just before the holidays I transferred all my current responsibilities (10 employees across three teams, and all the responsibility for sales/revenue) to other Directors. That leaves me without a job, and pretty soon that will become formal.

Once I knew I couldn't lead my team to success, I gave it to someone who thought they could. But judging from the company's response, apparently this isn't the way things usually work in corporate systems. Usually a manager or leader will walk straight into failure for their team, if it means continued employment and a paycheck. I can't do that, so I guess you'd consider me outside the system.

Financial systems

I'll try to limit my rant here, but the system I reject is the industry of managed mutual funds. For over 40 years every analysis has shown that mutual fund managers pick stocks that do worse than the market as a whole, while racking up management fees, transaction fees and additional taxes for their clients.

It's one of the biggest scams ever, and the true role of an investment guru should probably be as educator and psychologist for the client, helping them to understand how stocks/bonds work, and then helping them cope with the volatility of those markets. Sometimes you've got to stop a person from selling low and buying high, and a financial manager can help with that.

I was fortunate with my education to learn about the markets, and I'm not interested in having someone to call for soothing advice when stocks go up and down. So we manage our investments on our own, and it's all in basic index funds. We pay almost nothing in fees and taxes, we spend less than an hour a month on managing the accounts, and our returns have beat almost every mutual fund manager in the country over the past 10 years.

So yeah, I have no interest in getting inside the system of fund management.

Social systems

White people who make the kind of money we do don't move to our neighborhood; they're supposed to live in the suburbs. We went way outside the social norm and chose to live as the alien (by race and by language), and we have no regrets!

Governmental systems

The city of Houston recently made a ruling that people cannot feed the homeless unless their food has been inspected by an official during its preparation. This impacts our family, as we've made a few trips downtown recently to meet, visit and feed some homeless people downtown on Sundays after church.

I'm not looking to get arrested of course, but this type of legal ruling isn't exactly the kind of thing I'm going to worry too much about following. The ruling was so bizarre and so opposite to the needs of the community that I have no doubt Jesus would laugh at it and keep on providing food.

Our first act of rebellion will probably be hosting a Super Bowl party for our friends, which would qualify as us feeding a group of people, with no inspection! Ha!

Religious systems

This is the one that launched so many great comments in my last post.

An elder and I discussed last year how in this day and age, it's almost impossible for a church like ours to meet all or even most the spiritual needs of its members. We live far away from the building and from each other, and may only be together once a week. In between, we are fed spiritually by online friends, neighborhood connections and office mates. And with the web, there are resources everywhere available 24/7. Most of these don't fit within my own denominational doctrine, but they have been priceless to me nonetheless. So in some ways I already am somewhat outside the system.

But what sparked the discussion here on the blog was the issue of congregational financial management, and Jamie and I will be speaking with our church's leadership soon about the topic. First I will be looking for understanding, to get an idea of their framework for thinking about, and making decisions with, the heavy responsibility of the church budget. For example, what are the priorities? What are the "have to haves" and what is up for grabs when it comes to expenses? Are those areas based on effectiveness, or is there another method for determining how ministries change? When we need another 8% to fund important work, does all of that have to come from additional giving or can we meet halfway with savings somewhere else?

Overall, I'd like to understand if our church manages its money like a family, like a business, or like something entirely different. Right now I really have no idea.

But even the fact that we'll be discussing it with the leadership, seeking to understand these things, probably puts us a little outside the way things normally work there.

Just where I like to be!

My current issues with systems

2011-01-20T15:39:00.003-06:00

While I stand by my last post regarding my concerns about the church helping people tackle real challenges in their life, I also recognize that underneath that concern is a broader frustration with systems.

Corporate systems. Financial systems. Social systems. Governmental systems. Church/religious systems.

Corporate systems

I'm 10 years into my career and have worked for public and private companies,, big and small, and have had roles ranging from the line level to managerial level to executive level.

One consistent theme is that most people come to work sincerely wanting to do a good job. And most companies have policies and procedures that complicate or even hinder the people's ability to do those jobs.

Most of my best work in companies has been when I operate slightly outside the system, and treat people as priceless souls of God. I expect that to continue, and that when/if I retire I will look back on those moments as some of my favorites.

Financial systems

I look at our country and see the prosperity gap growing ever bigger. Even though I have the potential to be on the higher end of that scale, it sickens me. The number of poor continues to grow, the middle class is dissolving, and the rich have never been richer in the history of our world.

Within that, I specifically see the banking industry being a cause of some of this, and an apathetic bystander to some of it as well. My education and experience has given me quite a bit of insight into what is happening, and prevents me from pursuing some possible careers in that field. I could not sleep well at night getting wealthy while not creating true value, and watch as other hard workers go jobless as a cost savings that funds my luxury.

To paraphrase Winston Churchill -- capitalism is a terrible economic system, the worst of all actually, except for all those other ones that have been tried so far.

Social systems

Our family spent MLK day at the local Children's Museum, where we took part in a re-enactment of the 1963 march on Washington, complete with an excellent actor's peformance of the speech and uplifting spiritual songs peformed by a young black chorale.

My very-white kids loved every moment and have really shown interest in learning about our country's legacy of racism, from outright slavery to withheld rights to subtle prejudice. To put it bluntly, for a long time our social systems in America sucked.

But in 2011, living in a huge city with amazing diversity, many of my kids' friends are black, most of their teachers have been black, and they will surely do a far better job than I have at seeing the eternal soul in people, not the color of the packaging.

I hope our social systems, both formal and subconscious, will be a positive contribution to the ongoing progress.

Governmental systems

Enough's been written about this one elsewhere, no doubt. In a nutshell, I don't care too much about Republican/Democrat nonsense. I just want problem-solvers in Washington who are willing to take on tough issues and work on extremely complicated problems, often with imperfect data and no precedent to lean on.

And I don't see that, neither in the incumbents nor any of the hopeful people campaigning for the next round of elections. Such a small number of people in Washington influence an amazing amount of our lives.

For a start, I'd just like that small group of representatives to agree on this: we can't keep up these deficits, so we're spending less on programs/benefits and increasing taxes and everybody needs to get ready for it.

Religious systems

Maybe I shouldn't be surprised how much this area feeds off the other systems above. Many churches are organized like companies these days, with expansive financial systems and a seeming inability to face the facts about obvious trends (for example, my denomination has been consistently shrinking for 40 years but we don't talk about that).

I'm especially frustrated lately by the finances of our church. This isn't a gossipy thing or a personal issue I need to take up with the elders yet -- it's a big-picture issue I'm trying to think through.

We have an annual budget in excess of a million dollars. Starting in 2008 our church leaders made a huge effort to raise special contributions to pay off the mortgage on our building, even though the payment was only 8% of our monthly budget. I'd like to see how many members at church have a mortgage payment that's 8% of their budget.

But we responded and paid off the church building's note in 2009, several years early. I don't know what the money has gone to. Last week was our "one sermon a year" on church finances.

We were told that almost 85% of that annual budget goes to minister salaries, which leaves us nothing to fund many of the programs that are really taking off (hispanic church plant that baptized 20 people last year, a new ministry to reach out to people in crisis, an orphanage, the food bank, etc...). That's right, these programs right now will get nothing even though all signs point to them being outstanding and needed in our community.

But we were also told that it could all be funded... if we could increase giving another 8%. Yet the $850,000 in minister salaries is untouchable, and I guess we'll keep the utilities on even if the homeless don't get fed.

Summary

I will try hard to remember that none of these systems are perfect, and the people within these systems are worthy of my respect and love.

Yet as a Christian I am not called to always be compliant.

A corporate system gives me no right to treat people as less just because I am their manager on an organizational charts.

A financial system gives me no right to make millions at others' expense -- it is not a zero-sum game.

A social system gives me no right to separate my world into "us" and "them" because of skin color or gender.

A governmental system gives me no right to ask for benefits that I can't fund.

A religious system gives me no right to write checks to church and let the professional minsters take full responsibility for being the hands of Christ.

I give up these rights because I saw Jesus do the same, and his example inspires me to a higher path than letting all these systems tell me what to do.

I screw this up a lot. I need a lot of help. But I try!

The list

2011-01-18T20:14:00.002-06:00

I'm having a heck of a time finding a place where I feel a fit at church these days. There are many people there who love me very much, and I love them in return. Yet I'm not sure they totally 100% love the real me, or just the orthodox part of me that I'm willing and brave enough to show on Sundays and Wednesdays.

While I'd like to think I have enough grace to love all parts of their souls and lives, even their flaws, they surely wear the same facade of righteousness just to play it safe. And so we go on, week after week, loving each other which is the easiest thing in the world, because really, the only parts of ourselves that we show are very lovable!

This topic came up recently in our Wednesday night discussion group, and it turned into one of those open windows where I took a bit of a chance to see what would happen.

Classmate: I think our church is an open place, and the members are open with one another. We share our lives.
Me: I don't think that's true.
Classmate: What do you mean?
Me: I think most of our lives, especially the struggles, are almost completely hidden from our church friends. Take divorce, for example. At least five couples in our group have been separated and divorced over the past few years, and none of us saw it coming. Because they never opened up to any of us about the problems in their marriage. For all I know many of you are having those types of struggles right now. Or maybe Jamie and I am. But the history shows that you'd never know and we don't talk about it here.
Classmate: What can we do about that, though? If they don't choose to be honest and share their lives, how can we know if they need help?
Me: That's just the thing -- I think we've created an environment that makes it almost impossible to be honest about these things. It's like there's a list of sins or problems that we're not allowed to talk about at church.
Classmate: (Challenging) Give me an example.
Me: Let's start with sex, since it's probably the easiest and most obvious. Do you think there are men in this church who struggle with lust, pornography and adultery?
Classmate: Probably.
Me: No probably, I guarantee it. With more than 1,000 members in this church, I guarantee you that there are triple-digit numbers of guys wrestling with pornography. I'm one of them, but it never gets talked about here.
Female classmate: (confused) Triple digits?
Me: At least 100 guys. Sexual temptation and struggle is almost written into our DNA, but after more than 30 years attending church I can't think of a single time I personally witnessed a man testify to his struggle with sexuality. We don't talk about it, and that silence makes it seem that nobody is having this problem. So 100 guys are left to feel alone with no support system until the problem grows large enough for painful consequences to set in.
Classmate: Okay, I see what you're saying. Are there more things on this list?
Me: Substance abuse, greed/stealing, addictions of various types. How many times have any of you seen a public or even classroom/group setting where a person confessed to one of these things? The only struggles that seem to be okay to discuss at church are depression, joblessness, and "not living better for Jesus". Meanwhile we wrestle with all of these other very real issues on our own.
Classmate: But what would change that?
Me: Somebody would have to be very brave and step out in trust that they could talk about this type of thing in vulnerable confession, and that the group would respond in love. If it worked, it might make it easier for the second person to come forward. If not, then we'd prove we aren't a safe place to come with problems, and we can forget about getting deeper than the happy-looking surface level in this building. I think it's tragic, and that Jesus would say this is a place for the sick and the hurting. How sad that this is the last place people want to bring their real problems.

When this was over, four different guys came up to me after class to talk privately and say this felt more "real" than anything they'd experienced at church in a long time. Another guy called me on his cell phone as he was driving home.

I'm 34 years old and have still never had a close enough friend whom I felt I could trust with tough problems. Perhaps more importantly, I haven't been the kind of friend to anyone in a way that would let them trust me with their own struggles.

No, I'm not in some kind of personal crisis mode right now. My crisis was systemic, looking at the church and not seeing it as a place where my generation can come together with their whole selves.

And I fear that if that doesn't change, there won't be much of a church left for my grandkids. If that's the case, I hope that there's some other support system of friends and loved ones who can help them when the time comes.

Difference between girls and boys, in pictures

2011-01-11T16:13:00.017-06:00

Samantha at eight years old is the eldest of our clan, and with that comes certain responsibilities and expectations (I should know, since I'm also a firstborn).

She lives up to them beautifully, and for most of her eight years has displayed a fondness for pleasing her parents and heeding instructions. At school, her teachers say she is 100% "on" every minute of every day, making sure to follow all the rules.

Our two boys? Not as much.

I present the evidence.

Two years ago, Samantha is looking at our photographer friend Paula while the rest of us are goofing around:

This Christmas, Samantha again looking at the photographer while the boys scramble to chase whatever shiny object has their eye:

And it's not just a group setting phenomenon -- Samantha will pose beautifully all by herself if you want to snap a photo.

The boys, on the other hand...

Here's one of Jack's recents poses:

Baby Luke punching me in the face instead of posing for picture:

I rest my case.

Battle of good and evil

2011-01-09T20:03:00.002-06:00

We are to love each other, right? It's one of Jesus' greatest commands ("love your neighbor as yourself"). But is there ever a time, place or target where our most noble emotion could be hate, and our most noble action would be to attack?

If that's ever true, then I would guess a Christian to answer it is when we are directly fighting evil itself. In the 21st Century we don't always know how to label something as 100% evil, but we look back on the past and claim that some people (Hitler, Manson) or actions (genocide, murder) may qualify.

If we go back farther, though, to New Testament writings, we see that Jesus and his disciples encountered demons during their ministries. Demons! Surely if anything was to qualify as 100% evil, then it has to be these direct servants of Satan.

One of these encounters was recorded in the book of Mark (Chapter 5) with a demon called "Legion". But instead of Jesus battling this evil spirit with aggresiveness and attack, he does three amazingly graceful things:

1) Asks for the demon's name. This isn't to gain power over Legion -- it was already established that Jesus had that power without needing to know the demon's name.

2) Grants Legion's request that he not be cast out into "the pit". We're not sure what that means, but it didn't sound good, and Jesus spared Legion that fate.

3) Grants Legion a second request, that he be cast into a herd of pigs.

Why would Jesus show kindness and grace to a demon? Is there any possible advantage to be gained by this, or any possible different fate for Legion? Does a demon retain the hope of changing sides?

And applying to today, if Jesus showed kindness to a demon, exactly when do we have license to be angry and vengeful in the name of fighting evil?

My ten favorite movie viewings from 2010

2010-12-31T13:48:00.002-06:00

With three young kids at home, Jamie and I don't get out much. And when we do, it's usually not to sit in the dark and be quiet to watch a movie in the theaters. So of my 10 favorite movie viewings for this year, only two of them were at the theater! The rest were on DVD thanks to Netflix, which is a great source of entertainment and education for us.

Without further ado, my top 10 viewings from this year, in ascending order, and with a sample quote from each:

10) American Splendor (2003) -- a biopic about Harvey Pekar, a regular Joe file clerk who got a short stint of fame in the 80s as a comic book author, and made multiple appearances on Letterman. The coolest thing about this movie was the style: part movie, part documentary, part animated film and it all blended together in exactly the right tone to sum up a very interesting man.

Quote: "We are going to get through this. I understand illness. I know how to handle these things."

9) Avatar (2009) -- we saw this one at the movies (in 3D, no less!) in January and loved the experience. Yes, the story is copied from dozens of other tales, but we got caught up in its magic, its setting, and its heart.

Quote: "It is decided. My daughter will teach you our ways. Learn well, "Jakesully", and we will see if your insanity can be cured. "

8) Doubt (2008) -- perfect title to a movie that causes you to wonder which side to be on, which characters to root for, and in the end answers none of it. It's not your typical Hollywood tale wrapped up with a bow on it with comfortable closure, but it's powerhouse acting that touches on themes such as theology, sexuality, trust and power.

Quote: "Doubt can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost, you are not alone. "

7) Eastern Promises (2007) -- if you'd never seen Viggo Mortensen before as an actor, you'd never believe he wasn't actually a Russian tough guy after seeing this film. It's typical Cronenberg style and the story arc is almost identical to a previous film also starring Viggo (History of Violence). But it's his total immersion in this deep and conflicted character that sticks with me months after seeing it.

Quote: "Sentimental value? Ah. I heard of that. "

6) Michael Clayton (2007) -- a real grown-up tale of corporate/legal warfare, family dysfunction and a man who's lost his place in the world. Only one small explosion in the whole thing but it carried more weight than 1,000 Michael Bay-directed bombs. The final scenes are filled with palpable tension and a conclusion that is both satisfying and makes us wish for a sequel.

Quote: "Uncle Timmy- and I mean this- on his best day, he was never as tough as you. And I'm not talking about crying or the drugs. I'm talking about in his heart. You understand me? "

5) O Brother Where Art Thou (2000) -- an exact and hilarious homage to Homer's The Odyssey, with enough catchy music in it to fill your head for months. The only downside is that it sorta felt like a combination of great scenes instead of a cohesive movie, but this is often what you get with the Coen brothers' work.

Quote: "That's not the issue Delmar. Even if that did put you square with the Lord, the State of Mississippi's a little more hard-nosed. "

4) How to Train Your Dragon (2010) -- My other theater viewing for the year, in a daddy/daughter date with Samantha. The amazing effects and visuals were only the surface of a surprisingly heartfelt story about believing in yourself, even if it means going against the grain of your community.

Quote: "Everything we know about you guys is wrong. "

3) Angels in America (2003) -- more of a miniseries, this is an HBO-produced translation of the Tony Award-winning play by Tony Kushner. I went to a speech/reading/Q&A by Kushner and he impressed me so much, I had to see some of his work. This one is a wrenching story of AIDS in New York City in the mid-80s, and doesn't take the easy way out with stereotypes for any of its characters.

Quote: "The white cracker who wrote the National Anthem knew what he was doing. He set the word 'free' to a note so high nobody could reach it."

2) Book of Eli (2010) -- big surprise, as I thought this would be a shallow action flick. I found myself connected to the story of a man with a mission, while also empathizing greatly with the "bad guy". And it had my favorite twist ending of the year.

Quote: "In all these years I've been carrying it and reading it every day, I got so caught up in keeping it safe that I forgot to live by what I learned from it."

1) Ink (2009) -- made on a nothing budget by a husband/wife producer and director team, it was the best bang-for-the-buck movie I've probably ever seen. Granted, its narrative lasers directly at a hard-working, career-pulled, spiritually-minded dad like me, and I recognize that. So your opinions might vary if you saw the movie. But it was far and away my favorite of the year, and perhaps the one on this list I'll actually buy. If you decide to give it a try, please be patient with it and understand that as the viewer you're supposed to be lost for a while, and the story gets clearer and clearer as it goes.

Quote: Sorry, the internet wasn't helpful here! I have a few general quotes in my head but they're surely not exact.

Honorable mentions: Persepolis, Zombieland, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Inglorious Basterds

Disappointments: District 9 (good, but overhyped), Surrogates (when will sci-fi movie producers respect our brains again?), Old Dogs (total paycheck-cashing travesty), The Wrestler (good, but did Mickey Rourke really need to act?)

The muse departs

2010-12-05T21:35:00.002-06:00

No, the ominous title doesn't mean I'm shutting down the blog or anything!

My previously-intended series of writings were being inspired somewhat by seeing what was happening with one of the leaders in my company. Specifically, he was unfortunately the model of what not to do if you want an inspired, effective group of knowledge workers in a 21st Century business. His decisions and his style of leadership were testing me and forcing me to quickly develop a leadership model of my own.

Recently, with no warning, he resigned from the company. A few days later he sold his house and moved out of state. Apparently we won't even be able to speak for a few more weeks while the legal details of his departure are ironed out. Messy.

I'm still working on the big-picture business topics I was thinking about earlier, but now it's not to answer daily crises.

So once again I have been reminded to quit promising a single blog post, let alone a series of posts!

I'm more of a "flow" writer. When it's there, it's fast and easy. When it's not there, forcing it doesn't work.

Be back soon when the flow is there!

Now for something totally different

2010-10-20T14:49:00.003-05:00

Jamie has said that when it comes to faith, what I like to do every few years is throw everything into the air -- all my assumptions, worldviews, textual interpretations... -- and then start over and see what I end up with. She's seen me go through this process two or three times and I have to admit she's correct.

Interestingly, though, this type of regular creative destruction has been limited to my theology. I've never done that in other areas of my life. Until now.

I have an advanced business degree from a good school, and finished that degree a decade ago. For most of those 10 years I've flowed through my career without questioning most of the assumptions, worldviews, etc... that came with the curriculum.

Over the past year, however, I've finally put some real effort into my vocation and predictably gained more responsibility as a result. And what I've noticed is, much of my training isn't going to help me in my career. And it may even hinder me.

It's not that my training was wrong; it's just woefully insufficient. This epiphany knocked me over the head as I saw expert after expert fail when following the book on corporate management. The same book I was taught from 10 years ago.

I'm throwing it all up in the air. Starting over. And I'm well into the process of creating my new view of how I want to run a business. And it's incredibly exciting because what I see as the urgent needs in 21st Century corporate America happens to match very well with my own abilities.

I realize this is a very different topic for this blog -- most of the "tribe" who follows here likely comes to read slightly subversive religious ramblings. :)

So I won't stick on this topic long. But I may think this out through the keyboard. And who knows, since most of us work at a job, maybe we can even help each other with how half our waking energy is used Monday through Friday.

Why I think homosexuality is no more of a choice than your skin color

2010-10-14T21:33:00.003-05:00

When considering any complicated topic, there are a few different ways I approach it as I try to form my own opinion. In general, I can usually sum up my approaches as:

1) Science/empirical knowledge
2) Logic
3) Personal experience

Where's the bible in this, you might ask? My perception of scripture heavily influences how I look at all three areas above! The text is so rich and so layered that I certainly include it in almost every major decision I make. But you've seen on this blog how I can dive into a passage of scripture and tie myself in knots with in-depth study!

Besides, on this topic (is homosexuality a choice) the bible is silent. So the three points above are what I've used to think about this, and all three approaches lead me to the same opinion.

Quick note before I begin: what I'm talking about here is homosexuality, the sexual and romantic attraction to people of the same sex. I'm not talking about homosexual behavior.

#1 -- Science

This one was pretty easy for me because the studies have been out there for quite a while. I won't cite them or link to them since they're readily available on the internet if you're interested, but there are two that quickly come to mind.

The first is at least 20 years old and was the result of scientists' efforts to better understand fetal development in the womb. Their discovery was that fetuses receive large rushes of hormones from the mother at different points in their development, and the amount of hormones greatly affects the growing fetus. In males, you can even recognize these effects by looking at finger lengths -- if the ring finger is significantly longer than the index finger, then he likely received a large rush of prenatal testosterone. And he's also more likely to be heterosexual. Less testosterone, his fingers are closer in length, and he's more likely to be gay. Sounds like an urban legend but the data supports it.

The second study is on brain anatomy and function. Hypothalamus size has shown to be correlated to sexual preference, and neuroscientists also discovered that gay people use their brains differently when given a mental task. Real-time MRI technology continues to show amazing things every year, and right now it looks clear that homosexual people have brains that look different and work differently from heterosexual brains.

If it's biological, it's not a choice.

#2 -- Logic

Our society has come a long way in dealing with people who used to be seen as "the least of these". Women's rights, minorities' rights, the end of child labor, and on and on... I'm very grateful to live in a country that continues to make a sincere effort to live up to the ideals of our founding fathers (equality and liberty).

But I say with sadness that it is still very difficult to be gay in America. Especially in some areas of the country. The South is notorious for this, and having lived most of my life in the South I can affirm that the reputation has been earned.

I've seen children mocked and brutalized for their sexuality. I've seen teens disowned by their families because they wouldn't "turn straight". I've seen adults cowering in fear that someone might find out about the secret they've been holding inside, terrified, for decades. (See here for a powerful video on this topic).

Who would choose that?

C.S. Lewis used this logic as proof that Jesus' resurrection was real -- he noted that only insane people would give up their lives for a blatant lie, and the disciples were all willing to give up their lives to spread the news of the resurrection. And they weren't insane.

Gay kids are giving up their lives every week in this country. Would they do that if they were faking it, or just to cause trouble?

#3 -- Personal experience

Lab results and news stories are all fine, but sometimes to really dive into a topic you need to put a face to it. A soul to it. You need a friend who is in the middle of the topic, living it.

I have gay friends. Some are single and still searching for a true love; others are partnered and hoping to have the legal right to marry one day. I can't think of any friends who are in a gay marriage, but I do have gay male friends who are currently married to women and are working through this massive challenge.

If they could flip a switch and be sexually attracted to their life partner, and leave behind the temptations to break their vows with men, I'm not sure if they'd do it. Being gay is part of who they are, and to me it's not right to just have them wish it away.

But it brings such turmoil to them on a daily basis. They haven't chosen it, and some of them got married in the hopes that over time the attraction to men would pass. It didn't.

They have faces, and souls, and are some of the most god-loving, respectful men I know. And they didn't choose homosexuality any more than I chose to be attracted to tall brunette women with nice legs and great smiles. My sexual preferences are just part of who I am, and haven't changed since I started becoming aware of them around puberty.

Wrapping it up

You certainly don't have to use my framework of these three approaches to the issue. But if you're starting from scratch and haven't really considered any of this before, you might want to do your own research on the science. You might want to think through the logic of what it means to be homosexual, the price that comes with it, and how Christians should treat them.

And finally, and most important, you might want to be a friend to someone who is gay. God has a way of blowing up our stereotypes and our prejudices one face at a time, and I'm so glad He's done that with me.

The final of five (not appropriate for kids)

2010-10-08T21:36:00.004-05:00

Tonight I'll conclude what could have been titled "One more woefully short post about an infinitely complicated topic." To wrap up the week, here's what I think is the #1 most explosive topic facing Churches of Christ in America today: gay marriage.

Note that I didn't say homosexuality. The church has felt pretty secure and unified on that one for a long time. But gay marriage is a first for my congregation, since the CoC wasn't formed until about 200 years ago and has always been concentrated in the US.

For a different take than you might have seen before, let me share my opinion on what this fight over gay marriage is not about, no matter what Christians proclaim:

1) It's not about the sanctity of marriage. Divorce rates are embarrassing in the church, just like they are in American culture at large. If we were really serious about the sanctity of marriage, we'd be doing the basics (more premarital counseling, more mentorship, higher expectations of our peers) and the extreme (looking closer at arranged marriage customs and other worldwide practices that seem to lead to healthier, longer-term relationships than the American model) to protect it.

2) It's not about homosexuality as a whole, because it's not really about lesbianism. Besides the fact that the bible doesn't speak on lesbianism, two women being together just doesn't bring the "ick" factor to many heterosexual male Christians. And it's heterosexual male Christians who lead the way in the Churches of Christ on this issue (because women aren't allowed to serve in leadership capacities, as noted in my previous blog post).

3) It's not about freedom and the role of government. Most Christians in the south (where CoC is most prevalent) are in Republican-leaning states, and are linked with policies about small government and minimal regulatory interference in our personal lives. Dictating whether or not two single, consenting adults can get married is a pretty strong form of interference.

4) It's not about love and relationship. The church is all for relationships built on sacrificial love. A heterosexual couple, a men's fellowship group, a youth group of teenagers... all highly valued forms of social and personal connection treasured by the church. I have grown up greatly blessed by this.

So what's it about? Sex. Sex between men, specifically. To keep this post from being too long, I'll just list two of many reasons why I think the church is on dangerous ground here:

1) Marriage is much more than sex. We're saying that two men can't marry because they will have sex, and that sex might be a sin. So is the sin sodomy? What acts are okay and not okay, even within a marriage bond? Leviticus clearly lists "sex during a woman's cycle" as sin against God, but I've never heard a single sermon or church teaching on the topic.

Why not? Because it's none of the church's business what my spouse and I do behind closed doors to enjoy each other's bodies. Sex is only one part of marriage, and it's private.

2) Marriage is much more than procreation. This break between marriage and procreation happened early in human history, and even early in the Old Testament. King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines -- the purpose of that had nothing to do with procreation. This was about sex and power, with Solomon the ruler and the women his subjects.

God looked on Solomon, with his 1,000 sex partners and perhaps no true love, and we believe God still accepted him despite the ridiculous gluttony of marriages. Yet there are people today with one partner, a truly loving relationship, and no path to marriage.

So there you go -- my fast opinion on what this debate isn't about, and what it is about. At the cultural level, this debate is already over and every state will have legalized gay marriage during my lifetime. But at the church level, the debate is just beginning and will continue to be a dividing point for decades to come.

May God bless this mess!

Fourth of five -- the 2nd hottest topic in Churches of Christ

2010-10-07T20:11:00.002-05:00

Why not go out with a bang this week? Tonight I'll briefly write about what is probably the 2nd most controversial topic in Churches of Christ (mine and my family's long-time congregation).

The role of women in church services.

That may sound ridiculous to those of you without a deep religious background in your family. And it probably sounds ridiculous to those from other walks of faith as well, but this is hardly just a Church of Christ issue. Catholics, Episcopalians, even Muslims are wrestling mightily with this clash of 21st Century cultural values and much older religous values and traditions.

I won't go into those cultural values... that would take too long. Instead I'd like to consider the writings of Paul that have led to this clash in the first place. Upon a quick reading of our English translations, it appears in his letter to the church of Corinth and in other places that Paul feels women should be silent in church.

More examination complicates matters, as usual. The context of his writings involved a time of pagan worship on a massive scale, which also came with prostitution, drunkenness, loud and chaotic assemblies, and role-reversal (women and men mixing clothes and mannerisms). Each of these topics get addressed in his letter to Corinth -- it appears to me that Paul wants to distinguish Christians from these other groups such as the cult of Dionysus. And 1 Corinthians 11 seems to make it clear that women are indeed allowed to pray and prophesy in worship assembly.

And if you dive into the Greek text, "silence" doesn't seem to be the only translation of Paul's instructions. In 1 Corithians, the word "gentleness" would be equally accurate, and in 1 Timothy... well, the Greek word "authentein" is the word translated as silence, and it appears nowhere else in the entire New Testament.

Perhaps today's church interprets the texts correctly, and women should have been held out of ministry, speaking and worship positions for the past 2,000 years. Or perhaps we have it wrong.

Either way, in my opinion this is one of the top two issues in our church today, in terms of tension and explosive potential. Tomorrow I'll wrap up the week with what I feel is #1.

Third of five -- more hot topics

2010-10-06T16:44:00.003-05:00

I figured that since the first two posts went to religion, which is always controversial, we'll move to something easier like politics. Heh.

#3 -- Letter vs. spirit

I doubt God's a Republican or Democrat. I'm sure Jesus was neither since those parties didn't exist, our country didn't exist, and Jesus wasn't recorded to be active politically, which cost him dearly at the hands of all political parties of his day.

So on the letter of the law when it comes to politics, I can't place Jesus in either camp. I think Republicans have it wrong when they say that Jesus is on their side because he's for freedom (he lived in a culture of slavery and his freedom was not of this world). And I think Democrats have it wrong when they say that Jesus would want government to take care of the poor (he said that was up to us).

So forget the letter of the law, let's talk about the spirit. Are Christians people that our society recognizes as reasonable, peaceful and open to political conversations? Outside of the actual content of our discourse, are Christians seen as the types of people willing to extend grace on temporal matters like politics, taxes, etc...?

How we talk about things really is as important as what we say. So even though Jesus isn't a Democrat or Republican, I think I know how he'd talk to a rural farmer, a young minority in prison, an illegal alien or an investment banker.

So that's what I try to do. I fail, of course. Just about every time. But I'm trying!

Second of five

2010-10-05T22:14:00.002-05:00

You dudes rocked in your responses and in being patient with my absence -- thank you!

#2 -- Credit and Blame

In church last Sunday the sermon was about how God is the only source of good things, and we can take no credit for anything good we might do in our lives. It is all God. The scripture was Luke 18:19:

"Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone."

Then later in bible class, the lesson was about how the devil is an easy scapegoat but we are actually the cause of all bad things in our lives, and cannot cast away the blame on Satan. It is all us. The scripture was James 1:14:

"each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and
enticed."

Which made me wonder -- why do we take none of the credit for the good, yet all of the blame for the bad? Is it possible that our actual contribution to the universe has some of both?

Out of my shell for the first of five

2010-10-04T21:55:00.002-05:00

I can finally feel things lifting after what has been the most intense work/career phase I have ever had. Some of it has been good, all of it has been challenging, and although it may not have a "happy" ending I am still grateful because it has given me the chance to grow.

So back to faith/theology and the things that make me tick!

This is the first of five short daily posts I have promised to myself, and to you. If anybody's even got me in their RSS feed anymore, ha.

#1 -- Understanding and Forgiveness

I have noticed that whenever I'm having trouble forgiving someone who has hurt me, the path to forgiveness goes through the town of Understanding. If I can just focus enough on who they are, what they've faced in life, how their personality works, what they're afraid of, what they dream of... eventually I can empathize closely enough to see the world through their eyes.

And in that moment, when I start to understand who they are, I gain clarity on why they do what they do. And I can no longer fault them for it.

So the question is -- do you think God understands us?

What must I do? An interesting look at the biggest question of all.

2010-07-24T14:36:00.011-05:00

For most Christians I've met (and for most people, probably) the crucial question of their life is, "Will I go to heaven?" This is perfectly natural and I'd expect nothing less. If the stakes at hand are trillions of years of bliss vs. trillions of years of torment, you'd better believe that a lot of energy will be expended to make sure we're on the right side of the equation.

Jesus met a rich young man burning up with this question -- what must I do to inherit eternal life? The ensuing discussion is recorded in all the synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke), although there are a few differences across the three accounts.

What fascintates me, though, is that Jesus is asked the big question two times, and neither time does he answer with anything resembling how a 21st Century Christian would answer. In fact, he doesn't answer the question at all! He ignores it and instead answers something else entirely. Here, bear with me as I go through it in three parts:

Part 1 -- The First Question

The rich young ruler chased Jesus down, fell on his knees before the rabbi and asked the big question, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" Doesn't get any plainer than that. He's desperate for clarity on how to secure a spot in heaven.

And Jesus' answer couldn't be any muddier. After a sidenote of mentioning that only God is good, he says that if you want to "enter life", then obey the commandments. In the Greek text this is very clearly a rephrasing of the young man's question. Jesus was asked about eternal life, but answered about life in general, completely omitting the mention of heaven. Why would he do that?

The muddiness continues. Jesus tells the man to obey the commandments, and the young man predictably asked which ones. By this time the Pharisees had laid out over 600 commandments based on Mosaic law, split about half and half between "do this" and "don't do this" types of instructions. The rich young ruler knew these very well -- Luke's gospel hints that he was probably a ruler of a synagogue.

This time is Jesus' answer any more predictable? Not really! On the point of which commandments the young man should follow, Jesus gives him some of the Ten Commandments. But the order is all jumbled up and then he throws in a wildcard:

"Do not commit adultery" -- number 6
"Do not murder" -- number 7
"Do not steal" -- number 8
"Do not give false testimony" -- number 9
"Honor your father and mother" -- number 5
"Love your neighbor as yourself" -- not in Moses' commandments, but was called The Greatest Command throughout Jesus' ministry

Notice a pattern in that list? It only includes instructions about our relationships with other people. In other words, the "horizontal" aspect of our faith. The "vertical" aspect, how we respect, worship or speak to God, isn't mentioned.

Jesus also skipped Commandment #10 -- "Do not covet". At this point I have to wonder if it was just to mess with the young man's mind!

Part 2 -- The question repeated

Not to be outmanuevered, the young man tries again, saying he has kept those commandments but he must be lacking something else. Just like all of us, he simultaneously shows great pride ("all these commandments I have kept since my youth") and great insecurity ("what else do I lack?"). We wouldn't be human if we didn't have both. And it is at this point in the story, but only recorded in the gospel of Mark, where my favorite thing happens. Mark says that Jesus looked at the young man and loved him.

And from this place of love, Jesus planned his answer to the simple and heartfelt question -- "what must I do to be saved?".

But again, Jesus didn't quite answer it. Instead, in Matthew's account, he quotes Jesus as, "if you want to be perfect, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven." . The young man walked away crushed, knowing the summit was too high.

But should he have been crushed? Jesus later explains to his disciples that there will be some sort of reward system in heaven, and those who sacrifice much will inherit 100X more than the rest. So was he telling the young man how to get the 100X reward? Or does it really require perfection just to get in the front gate?

Part 3 -- So what's the answer?

In my lifetime I've probably read 30 commentaries on this passage. Most of them say that the moral of the story is along these lines:

-- If you value money over God you won't go to heaven
-- God requires more righteousness than we can imagine, if we are to be saved
-- Only the human part of Jesus loved the young man; the divine nature in Jesus was ready to condem him at his death (this shows up in a surprising number of commentaries)

I don't believe any of those. And I don't see how any of us can draw a conclusion about salvation from the story at all, since Jesus purposely rephrased the big question.

"What must I do to inherit eternal life?"... to have a good earthly life, treat people well and love them.

"What am I lacking for salvation?"... well, if you want to be perfect...

So if you're still reading this lengthy post, I have two questions for you:

1) What do you think is the answer to what we must do to go to heaven?
2) Look at your answer for #1. Why didn't Jesus say this to the rich young man?

Note: I initially overstated Jesus' rephrasing of the young man's second question, and have since fixed it.

4 lessons I cherish from "Doubting Thomas"

2010-07-17T16:56:00.000-05:00

For a long time I've wondered why the disciple Thomas, often referred to as "Doubting Thomas", has such a bad reputation in Christian circles. He only shows up a few times in the bible, and every one of those appearances show him to be somebody I respect and appreciate.

Even with his scant role, there are four key lessons I learn from him:

#1 -- Everybody doubts

Sure, Thomas didn't believe the stories that Jesus had risen from the dead and was walking around Jerusalem once again. But the other disciples didn't believe either! They were hiding out in homes, trying to figure out how and where to start the next chapters of their lives, probably seeing those three years with Jesus as a powerful, fascinating but failed journey.

So all the disciples were in the same boat of doubt -- Thomas was nothing special on that point.

#2 -- Everybody doubts, but not everybody admits it

Ah, here is where Thomas was special. He voiced his doubts boldly. That takes guts!

For some reason our world, including the church, values honesty and integrity very highly yet they look down on people who express doubt. Even when it's just honest and natural to be doubtul. Often it's seen as negative, pessimistic or like "giving up" instead of pressing ahead and living as if there's no problem.

I agree that negativity is dangerous and can be addictive. But who is wishing right now that the doubters at British Petroleum would have been heard more readily about safety risks? Because you know they were there, and someone spoke up.

Such a fine line between needless pessimism and normal (or even necessary) skepticism.

Why call Thomas' style of doubt only the former?

#3 -- Sometimes, even when you doubt, it's noble to follow your HOPES

In the book of John it is recorded that when Jesus told his apostles he would return to Jerusalem, they recommended against it. The Pharisees, Romans and other groups seldom mentioned in the New Testament (Gnostics, for one) were all out to use Jesus for their own means. And if they couldn't use Jesus, they would likely kill him.

Thomas jumps in and says, "Let's go and die with him." For some reason most of the preachers these days seem to recite this quote in a sarcastic tone, as if Thomas was saying the trip to Jerusalem was a dumb idea.

I strongly disagree. That quote is heroic. These are words from a man who thinks he'll probably be dead in a week because his teacher is leading the group into a trap. But he decides to go anyway. I love that!

I've got doubts about all kinds of things. And while it's honest to express those, sometimes it's also noble to set the doubts aside and take a risk.

#4 -- God is, at least sometimes, willing to meet doubters on their terms

The New Testament shows that Thomas just wasn't going to believe Jesus had risen from the dead until he got solid proof. And Jesus gave it to him, allowing Thomas to inspect the wounds from crucifixion.

If there's a sense of Jesus doing this reluctantly, I'm missing it in the text. I picture Jesus holding out his hands with excitement, love and a bit of pride as he witnesses Thomas making that step from doubter to believer.

And from that moment on, Thomas was one of the most powerful missionaries of the group. History suggests that he traveled farther than any other apostle, and even started churches in India that still exist today.

Thomas. I love that guy.

Seeing God in new places

2010-02-27T13:50:00.002-06:00

A few years ago I started making the shift from a black/white view of the universe when it comes to what is spiritual and what is secular.

For a long time church was spiritual and school was secular. Reading the bible was spiritual and reading fiction was secular. Going to a concert could be either spiritual or secular, depending on the band. But it couldn't be both!

Now those worlds have collided in my mind and I no longer see any difference. Every Sunday I see all kinds of secularism in the traditions and practices of my church. And throughout the week I catch glimpses of God in the most mundane things.

Yesterday I got a chance to see God in my children, because I had spent the previous four days in California for business. Absense indeed made my heart grow fonder for them, and when I returned I had freshly empathetic eyes to examine their exhilarating ride in deciphering how this world works, and what their role will be in it.

Due to my travel and the insane number of hours I worked during the week, I worked from home on Friday and had time to take my 4yo son, Jack, to the mall. It is one of his favorite places and he's been asking to go there for weeks. So off we went!

With a great marriage, three children and a busy job it can be difficult to get a solid chunk of one-on-one time with any of my kids. When it happens, I make it a point to do whatever I can to make it special.

Jack is fun because he has so many traits that don't seem to come from either of his parents. Jamie and I are strong introverts, while our oldest son is the opposite. We like to follow a schedule, and Jack still doesn't recognize that time exists at all. We enjoy eating, and Jack would rather talk and starve. I loved sports as a child, and Jack could live just fine without them.

Jamie and I are curious how this might develop in the areas of artistic ability. She and I have very little of it (read: she has some, I have none) but perhaps Jack will flourish as a right-brained spark of life in a world that seems more and more oriented to we left-brained folk. Because of this possibility, we've tried to give all of our kids early and regular exposure to the arts. We regularly visit museums, have seen mutiple performances of the Houston Symphony, and have invested in art supplies for our home.

One area we haven't dabbled in is photography. We use a simple point-and-shoot camera at home, and have no clue about things like composition or lighting. What we do know, though, is that a great picture really is worth 1,000+ words, but I almost exclusively use words to communicate in my life. Writing and speaking fills up almost all of my communication. What if my son learned to communicate by capturing his perspectives visually? How cool!

So I redeemed the time with my son at the mall and decided to use it as an intro to real photography. A chance to clash the spiritual with the secular and find out how a simple lens could awaken the divine in us. Obviously I couldn't do this on my own, so I recruited some help from a mall photographer that has worked with thousands of people over the past few years. The photographer's task was to do a candid session with Jack and I, using odd framing and the element of surprise to snag a moment in time that was special in its normalcy. Proving to me once again that God is in the details, and that there is no such thing as mundane. Oh that my son can learn this lesson sooner than I have!

Perhaps he will never become a photographer, or an artist at all. But if he does, then just maybe he'll look back on "that day with my dad at the mall" as the event that started it all!

Of course we kept the photographs, on which we are placing so much hope and importance. How did we do?

Link to pictures

What I'm not sure about

2010-02-18T22:45:00.004-06:00

This week I visited some blogs with great conversations on the topic of doubt. It's amazingly polarized among the commenters on those sites. Some people think that skepticism is a good thing, while others feel that a good Christian walk leaves no room for vagueness (sometimes quoting Paul that "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see").*

And as my dad and I recently discussed, this polarization isn't limited to religion -- there has been quite a lot of drama lately on the topic of global warming. Many people just know it's a sham, regardless of the data. Others know global warming is real and deadly, even if the newest data shows otherwise. The doubters who haven't picked a side are surely out there, but they're so quiet it's easy to assume they don't exist at all.

But we do exist! My name is Michael, and I'm a doubter.

So, not to shock you all into a coma, but here are some things I'm not sure about:

#1 -- I'm not sure God even exists at all

He supposedly did all kinds of miracles and supernatural coolness thousands of years ago, but unfortunately that era passed before videotape technology. And we don't have a single recorded event in modern history where someone irrefutably performed a miracle in God's name.

Supposedly He can heal people even today, but Christian death rates from cancer and heart disease are identical to non-Christians... so if He can save those who pray to him, why isn't He doing it? We all seem to know someone who made an amazing recovery from a serious illness after a time of prayer, but those are anecdotes. The data shows that non-praying people make amazing recoveries just as often.

Since I cannot definitely prove God exists, I must admit there is a shred of uncertainty in my faith. I'm just not sure.

#2 -- If God exists, I'm not sure I'm worshipping the right one

Look at human history and notice how many different gods have been named, praised and defended. There are thousands (millions when you include Hinduism). Is it possible that Christianity has it right? Yes, but the odds aren't overwhelming in our favor.

Even within Christianity, there are so many different perceptions of God. Benevolent father, vengeful deity, distant superpower... some Christians think God is just a big pile of love and others think God intentionally leveled Haiti with an earthquake to punish them for sin. That's a wide, wide range.

Is it possible that I won the lottery and was born into the denomination that got it right about God's true being? Yes, but the odds are overwhelmingly against it.

So I'm not sure that my God is actually the God.

#3 -- I'm not sure what happens after we die

At least in the first two points, even though there's a lack of proof we can still make a case for God based on experiential and circumstantial evidences. On the topic of heaven/hell, though, it's all conjecture. Every religion has a different idea on what happens, and many of them have adherents with an NDE (near-death experience) who shared what the afterlife is like. Amazingly, their NDE usually matches their preconceived idea of heaven or hell.

So I can freely admit I really can't prove if there is an afterlife. And if there is one, what it's like, or if you and I are going there. I'm just not sure

Where to go from here?

As I said at the start of this post, some people just know they are right about things. I don't have a problem with that, even if they change their mind later and know the exact opposite of their earlier stance (trace the life of Saul/Paul in the New Testament). These people are often the productive backbone of many trends and movements, both good and bad. They get things done because they don't get delayed by doubt!

I, on the other hand, always have that voice in the back of my mind that tells me I could be wrong. This is good in a way because it can bring humility and openness to new ideas. But the downside is that I'm sometimes slow to take action, and I can infuriate people who want to pin me down and find out what I know. It's like pinning jello to a wall.

And even though I'm not sure about much, I still have faith.

I believe God does exist.

I believe that Christianity, and my denomination, have hit on some good and accurate portrayals of who God is.

I believe that this life is only one step in an eternal adventure, and that most of us will be blown away with how good this whole universe thing is shaping up.

But I'm not sure.

*Hebrews 11:1, and yes, I realize that Paul isn't confirmed as the author of that letter. But c'mon, have you read it? It's Paul. :)

My spiritual diet

2010-02-15T20:19:00.002-06:00

I consider spiritual learning to be almost necessary for my own survival -- the big questions of life are endlessly fascinating to me and I love looking around and using experiences (my own or those of others) to challenge my ideas.

This process is nearly as important to my life as food is to my body. And there's no such thing as total satiety. Do you ever get hungry again after dining at an all-you-can-eat buffet? It might take longer than usual, but sure, you'll always get hungry again. That's the way I am with big questions of faith, the universe and everything, and since I won't ever get "full', I just try to enjoy every meal!

Here's a peek at some of my recent diet:

Joel Osteen -- he's my coffee, good for an occassional pick-me-up but not enough nutrients for me to live on

Richard Beck -- Grilled veggies, because I tend to put them off for a while but when I finally dig in, I remember how good that taste, and how good they are for my health

Dalai Lama -- Indian food (no irony intended), because it's way outside my childhood experience but I love it anyway, and it teaches me how other cultures live on completely different diets to achieve the same health goals

Debby -- Boston Market, where although I've never met the cook, somehow it still tastes like a meal at home

Hackman brothers (here and here) -- Sea salt dark chocolate, two different ingredients that, when combined, remind me that diversity and a clash of flavors can reveal something wondrous

Ken Ham -- Candy corn, it's a revisit to a childhood taste that I end up spitting out while marvelling at how much I must have changed

RedWifey -- Water, one of the few absoutely essential substances. It's a part of me and I see semblances of it everywhere I go.

What have you enjoyed eating lately?

Intelligent life out there?

2009-12-15T20:36:00.002-06:00

I mentioned in my last post that I hurt a friend's feelings recently. It was in our small group fellowship that meets on Sunday nights, and somehow we got to talking about extraterrestrial life.

When I commented that I was almost sure there was lots of intelligent life in the universe, he was completely floored and said that if that was true, he'd lose his faith. His reasoning was that humanity is God's special creation, made in His image, and if we're not alone then we're not special and we might as well throw out the bible.

I did not have a good poker face. My friend saw that I thought his stance was ridiculous, and it crushed him. It was not one of my better moments.

So as a heart/spirit issue, I blew it! All that blogging I do about having an open mind, and respecting the opinions of others, and then I openly show condescencion to the feelings of a brother. Shame on me.

But besides the heart issue, a few of you were curious about my intellectual approach, and why I would be so sure that there is other intelligent life out there. Let me start by confessing my bias.

I grew up as a total science fiction nerd. Books, movies, short stories... I devoured them all and regularly read tales of alien species. I loved it, so in a way I really really want ETs to be real. Which of course has no bearing on whether or not they actually exist.

So biases aside, my logic is very simple -- the universe is so unbelievably massive that the odds are overwhelmingly in favor of there being other intelligent life. Not just one or two civilizations, but millions.

In the 1960s the "Drake equation" was formulated in an attempt to calculate the # of alien civilizations that might exist just in our Milky Way galaxy. They included multiple factors (chance of a sun having a planet like Earth, the chance of that planet having life, the chance of that life becoming sentient, etc...) and put the probabilities really low, like 1% and under for each factor. The final calculation came out to over 10,000 intelligent civilizations just in our galaxy.

And our galaxy is barely a blip in the universe. There are billions of other galaxies out there. If our sun was a grain of sand, then all the grains of sand on all the beaches of our planet might equate to how many stars are in the universe. Think about that one for a moment until it gets too big to fathom.

See this previous post for another illustration on how huge our universe is.

I actually think the Drake equation is a bunch of bunk as a final calculation, because we just have no clue what those probabilities are. And when you completely guess at eight different factors, then multiply those guesses together... you get crap. Statistically speaking.

But even if you set the probabilities at .000000001% for each number, there are still many intelligent species all over the universe. Unfortunately it's so big out there, we'll almost surely never meet any of them.

Perhaps first we should continue the search for proof that we have intelligent life on this planet! That gets more difficult every time I watch television. :)

Breaking the silence

2009-12-04T21:50:00.003-06:00

Does it seem that most people interpret silence in a negative way? Seems that way to me, but I've always been the opposite.

When I was in college and would drive back to school after a holiday break, I would tell my parents, "If you don't hear from me in the next couple of days, it means I'm doing great." I felt the same about others -- if they didn't contact me I assumed everything was fine.

I have to remember that most people don't seem to be like that. And here I've been silent on the blog for a few months, and you may be wondering if I'm ill, divorced, unemployed, a Democrat or an atheist. No need to worry!

Sure, I've been sick a couple of times this fall just like everybody else, but the swine flu hasn't hit me. Yet. I'm certainly still married to Jamie and we're having more fun that ever now that we're outnumbered by children in the house (baby Luke was born September 5).

Not only am I still employed, I just got my second big promotion of 2009. I'm now running two separate teams and have pretty huge responsibilities. Best of all I'm finding that I love the work, and I happen to be good at it too. It's the first time in years I've truly enjoyed what I do and my life's energy is going to efforts that will do some good.

Politically I'm still as apathetic as ever. Didn't vote in any local elections and the only time I follow what's happening in Washington is on the topic of economics, since it's an interest of mine and it affects my company.

My faith's evolution hasn't slowed down a bit, and I wish I could've been available here to write more about it over the past few months. Rest assured I'll be writing about it shortly, and that this post is merely the first step to building some momentum along those lines.

Just so you don't think all is rosy and I have a halo over my head, I promise that I'm still causing trouble:

-- I frustrated a friend when I told him I was 99% sure there is lots of other intelligent life in the universe. He said if that's true, the bible is meaningless to him because we are made in His image and are God's chosen creation. I was stumped, surprised, and didn't have a good poker face.

-- I went to a speech/reading by a Jewish agnostic gay playwright (his self-description) who has won a Tony, a Pulitzer, and got an Oscar nomination for a screenplay a few years ago. I was probably the only straight white married male in the auditorium, listening to a brilliant man speak on oppression and social justice in 21st Century America. And I liked it.

-- I infuriated our minister in bible class by asking the question, "Isn't it presumptuous for us to say we know why Jesus had to die, and that God had no other choice?" I'm in a place right now where apologetics don't do much for me, and I'd rather explore the biblical teachings that I can actually test out right now in this life. And there ain't no way I'm figuring out penal substitution doctrine in this life. The minister raised his voice and said, "God doesn't deal in lunacy. Of course Jesus had to die, or else God is a butcher." I had learned my lesson by that point and stayed quiet.

-- If I had spoken up again, it would have been to ask, "So God is not a butcher... He's merely incapable of forgiveness without killing himself? Do we really have to choose between a butcher and a God who's backed into a corner by sin?"

See what I mean? I had learned my lesson and kept my mouth shut.

Some silences shouldn't be broken, I guess.

Fear-->Anger-->Hate-->Suffering

2009-08-30T17:40:00.001-05:00

Yes, the title of this post is from one of the greatest pound-for-pound philosophers of our time. Yoda:

So if my last post noted that Christian Republicans, in general, have been stoking their fears for a while now, Yoda would say that the next step is anger.

Seen any angry Christian Republicans lately? I live in Texas and am surrounded by them.

The next step is hate. Seen any hateful Christian Republicans lately? I can only speak for myself, but yes, I can almost guarantee to hear hateful speech every Sunday at church if someone starts talking about politics. Simply hearing the name Obama made a woman's face turn into a sneer of derision in bible class last week.

Some of our local politicans have tried to hold open meetings lately to do Q&A sessions on the health care bill, but most have been a disaster due to screaming, belligerent protestors. And several men have shown up with guns, claiming that they're merely exercising their rights. Sure, and it's my legal right to walk into church with a sign saying "God hates you", but that doesn't mean it's smart or appropriate.

Yes, there are angry Democrats as well. And there are many peaceful Republicans. Politics don't really interest me all that much, but even I can see that in general there seems to be a heightened sense of fear and anger, and much of the noise is being made from the Republican side. That's fine with me. My concern is that the label "Christian" has become so tightly wound with the labels of these angry people.

I think Christians are making a huge mistake in picking this battle and fighting it with such transparent fear and anger. Even if it works to their favor in the short-term with different legislation, it sets a bad precedent for how Christians get involved in political processes. How can we be a people proclaiming love, grace and spiritual pursuits while yelling at public servants, propgating lies and comparing our elected President to Hitler? Disgraceful.

For me personally, I have two tactics that I use to self-examine my anger and see if it needs an adjustment:

Tactic #1 -- Righteous anger? Or just anger?

There are injustices in this world that I think it's okay to be angry about, especially if that anger inspires us to action. For some people in America right now, health care is that kind of issue. If I choose to get caught up in the anger over health care reform, then I'm going to ask myself the following questions:

-- How much time am I spending angry about politics?
-- How does that time compare to time spent on anger about oppression, poverty or genocide?
-- How much has my anger spurred me to useful activity? Or has it instead just festered and been fuel for my own complaining? See here for my thoughts on three types of anger and which ones are actually useful.

Tactic #2 -- What are my influences?

This one is understandable to anyone over the age of 5 (because parents grind it into us!), so I won't spend long on it. We know that we are heavily influenced by what "input" we receive from the world. The friends we have, the books we read, the TV shows we watch... all of it shapes us.

For this reason, I watch neither Keith Olbermann nor Glenn Beck. I listen to neither Daniel Dennett nor Rush Limbaugh. Each of those pairs are on opposite sides of the political spectrum, but their spirits and their messages have the same core ingredients -- outrage, yelling fear, anger, hate. I've chosen not to have those kinds of messages as my daily input.

So to sum up, I guess there are two main principles I try to follow when I see people around me getting angry about an issue:

1) Make sure I'm picking the right battle, and that it's something eternally important
2) Discern whether anger is the right path to actually fight the battle, or if there's a better way

As an example of this process, let me ask you this question -- which is more worthy of an angry response, health care reform or racial prejudice?

Here's how a black minister fought against the latter:

Let's pick the right battles. And then let's fight them with a spirit of love and understanding.

Christians and fear -- an unfortunate mix

2009-08-08T13:44:00.002-05:00

If you are over 30 years old and grew up in a Protestant church, it's likely that you were exposed, at some point, to the "fire and brimstone" style of preaching. This style was meant to motivate repentance, baptism, conversion, etc... by filling people with the fear of hell. Responses to God would sometimes come in droves at a church service or revival meeting, fueled by images of a vengeful God ready to condemn sinners to an eternity of torment.

If you are over 50 years old and grew up in a Protestant church, it's likely that your experience with this style qualifies as more than "exposure". You very well may have heard this type of preaching on a regular basis.

While it's still heard in some churches, the fire and brimstone message has greatly decreased in most churches. Yet the legacy remains, and it carries over into the entire lives of those generations who lived through the messages of terror.

Lately I've been seeing a lot of this carryover in the political discussions of Christians. It seems like every week at church, I hear someone lamenting the current government and fearing that our country is becoming socialist. I've probably received 50 political emails in the past six weeks -- all from Christian/Republicans, and all laced with obvious notes of fear.

If you've read this blog before, you already know what I think about the use of fear to motivate religious activities. In short, I despise it.

But fear can be equally destructive when it's used to motivate political activism. I think this can be especially true for Christians, because the religious fear of their childhood combines with nationalistic/political fear and creates a behemoth of panic that brings terrible consequences. Which consequences, you might ask? Here's what I've observed over the past month:

1) Religious/Political fear masks the individual, and creates mob mentality

-- I've seen Christians lump all Democrats into a category of "them", with the word voiced in a tone of outright contempt. Not all Democrats are the same -- they have the same diversity as any other group. But if we're too scared to be open to this diversity, we'll never see a person, a soul. Instead we'll see only a group label.

2) Religious/Political fear distracts Christians from the more important issues in life

-- Jesus lived in a society of oppression, slavery, legal prostitution and unfair taxation. He apparently only spoke to one of these issues (taxes, which he said to pay unto Caesar). He focused on people, not politics. Why should his followers do any different?

-- When churches send missionaries to foreign countries with socialist/communist governments (China, Eastern Europe), are the missionaries sent with a political agenda? No, I've never seen that. They're sent to serve those in need. Why should the local missionaries (church members) do any different?

-- A common theme of the bible, especially the New Testament, is that once we know we are loved by God, there is no threat from man. Paul wrote of his contentment with life, and his security that came from God's grace. It's hard for Christians to realize and demonstrate this deep-seated security if they're constantly upset over things like taxes and health insurance.

3) Religious/Political fear separates us into nationalistic groups that aren't very Christian

-- Personal opinion: I don't think America is "God's nation", because I don't think there's any such thing. Think about it -- if people think that our century-long dominance of world affairs is evidence of God's blessing, do they confer the same special status on Ancient Egypt? How about 16th Century Spain? Superpowers come and go, and we've had a nice ride in America. But let's be careful about saying that our strength is divine blessing, if we won't say the same about previous world leaders. I believe that every nation is an equal-opportunity beloved of God.

4) Religious/Political fear leads to the demand to be heard at any cost, even if our arguments are inconsistent or flat-out untrue

-- Like I said earlier, I've gotten at least 50 political emails from Christian Republicans lately, both at home and at work. Every single one has had blatant lies in it. Shouldn't we do better than that? Honestly, I've got plenty of disagreements with the current agendas in Washington, but there's enough ammo there to critique the policies truthfully. Truth should outweigh our need to be heard.

-- I've heard several Christians lament government's role in healthcare, but not one has volunteered to give up Medicare. Several have complained about socialism, but not one of them mentioned a surrender of their social security check. Some of them practically worship at the altar of economist Milton Friedman and his capitalist teachings, but none of them embrace Friedman's case for the legalization of drugs. Just three examples of inconsistency, but we're blind to it because we're motivated by out biggest fears, instead of our highest aspirations.

If I was to rephrase those four observations in a positive way, it would be to encourage Christians to:

1) Cast aside group labels and look for the unique nature of each soul we meet
2) Focus on what we can control, and what really matters
3) Remember that there is no Jew nor Greek, no slave nor free -- we are all God's handiwork
4) Hold up the ideals of truth, honor and respect above our own need to be heard

In closing, I'll cite two of my references on fear from the world of entertainment. The first is from the epic science-fiction book Dune, where the main character often repeats the mantra "Fear is the mind killer". He's right. When we're scared, we don't think straight. That's not good a good place to live.

The second is a song called "Drive" by the band Incubus. Here are some lyrics, and then I've also posted the video.

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before and it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, with open arms and open eyes yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before and it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself my light is found

This and that

2009-07-19T20:56:00.002-05:00

Sermon stuff

My sermon from last Sunday has been posted online -- this link is here and then click on either the audio or video files for July 12 ("Perfect Strangers").

I haven't listened to it all yet but my memory of the experience was very positive. I threw myself into the message and am glad to have done it.

Catchup with family members from vacation (inside jokes and stuff)

Mom, did you read Romans 11 yet? What did you think?

Great, thank you for sharing with me about your near-death experience. It was powerful.

Lisa, seen any deer lately?

Matt, the funny Saturday Night Live video I mentioned (Marky Mark Talks to Animals) is here. It's my kids' favorite right now.

Bob, you have a very cool family. We love spending time with the four of you (plus whichever special guest get to come along) and wish it could be more than a week.

AJ, thank you for all the pictures you took. Because somehow we, like... didn't take any? So we're stealing yours.

Dad, now that Tom Watson almost won the Open today, I fully expect you to recover quickly from whatever swing ailment you had during vacation. You've still got a few years before peaking.

Nonny, Samantha protects her teacup with great vehemence.

Adam, your laugh sounds like Pee Wee Hermann and your ears smell like cauliflower.

Drew, your laugh is contagious and your voice sounds like... well, I'm not sure, because it's usually above my auditory range.

Bonus gifts

An old comedic ploy is to edit songs or movies and turn them into something far different than the original. These are two of my favorite examples:

Jurassic Park -- Hey!

The Darth Vader you never knew

Yes, that last video is nine minutes long, but it makes me laugh more times than most 90-minute comedy films!

Don't worry. My next post will be back to the usual deeper thoughts.

Manual labor, plus a dash of random philosophy

2009-07-06T14:01:00.002-05:00

Manual Labor

My wife Jamie (a.k.a. RedWifey) has three rules that always get followed when she dives into a project:

1) At the last minute before the project/event begins, she will find an equally large, totally unrelated project to launch into. Thus ensuring the chaos of two simultaneous initiatives.

2) The project's scope will expand exponentially as it progresses.

3) Somehow, in spite of the two items above... everything will work out fine.

Last Friday was an office holiday so she planned it as a painting day at our house. The plan was to paint Jack's current room, which will soon become the "big kids" room when baby Luke arrives in a month or two.

Please understand, in our six years of living in this house we've painted exactly one wall of one room, that being the main wall of the den. That's it. Everything else is your basic eggshell drywall color, which over the years of hard living with kids and dogs has gained some new shades. Men would call it character. Women would call it filth.

Bottom line -- on Friday we would paint Jack's room a nice light blue color, versatile enough for the soon-to-be combined Jack/Samantha room. Let the rules begin:

1) She decides, after breakfast on Friday, to launch into an all-out assault on what she views as a messy kitchen. I like this choice -- it is less distracting and time-consuming than some of the other random projects she might've started. It's done in an hour and we head upstairs to get started on the real project.

2) Scope expansion. We started with the idea of painting Jack/Samantha's room.
-- Then, while we're at it, let's paint the baby's room too.
-- Well, how can you paint the rooms but not the closets? Add two closets to the tasklist.
-- This means we must empty every single item out of both bedrooms and both closets. It all goes to our master bedroom.
-- Those baseboards/trim/door are too dark with the eggshell color... she'd like them to be pure white. Add those to the list.
-- Oops, the white latex paint doesn't really work on the eggshell trim. Turns out that the current coat is oil-based paint, which means we have to sandpaper every square inch of baseboard/trim/door before it will take the latex paint. Add sanding to the list, plus another trip back to Home Depot to buy more supplies.
-- While the rooms are empty, might as well clean the carpets, right? Jamie leaves to rent a dry cleaning machine.

3) The project took almost three full days, but we did end up with two very nice bedrooms for our three kids to enjoy. And Jamie's parents worked tirelessly to assist us during much of the three-day weekend. Now that it's over, I have to admit I like the way things look. Although if you say the word "paint" in my presence, I may involutarily go kung fu on your skull.

Random Philosophy

I haven't written a word about the deaths of Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett or Billy Mays. Guess I was holding out for the passing of a real celebrity, such as one of our current-day gladiators. Enter Steve "Air" McNair, former NFL quarterback shot dead a few days ago while hanging out with his 20yo mistress.

The news seems full of shocked people exclaiming that Mr. McNair was such a standup guy, a real community leader, a great husband and loving father to four sons... and they couldn't believe he'd be hanging out with a pot-smoking girl half his age.

I'm shocked that people are shocked. Not because I'm some sort of cynicist about McNair or about athletes in general. But because I think I'm a realist about people. All of us. We're complicated creatures, with infinitely-interesting stories of how we've become who we are. And infinitely complicated stories of where we might be headed.

Everybody has a dark side. Everybody has secrets. Every boy scout leader, priest, teacher, preacher, volunteer, innocent-seeming teenager... none of us are 100% what we claim to be or what we show the world. Even me. So I'm not shocked when these types of things get discovered. Usually this type of news brings sympathy out of me, realizing that fame, fortune and extramarital sex are powerful forces that can lure anyone out of relationships that they may not value fully until it's too late.

Everybody also has a light side. Everybody has potential. Every gang member, death row inmate, dropout, slacker, hater, liar... none of us are 100% what we claim to be or what we show the world. Even me. So don't be shocked if one day you meet one of these people who surprises you with unexpected goodness. Usually this type of news brings sympathy out of me, realizing that the difference between me and a criminal has less to do with my character, and more to do with my circumstance.

I hope each of us has a safe place to be fully ourselves, both light and dark.

Carlin's first half of 2009

2009-07-02T13:12:00.002-05:00

My daily desk calendar for the office this year is a George Carlin one. Every day I get to read a new quote/joke/rant of his. Here are some of my favorites after six months:
___________________________________________________

You keep hearing that society's greatest tasks are educating people and getting them jobs. That's great. Two things people hate to do: go to school and go to work.

How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?

President Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was some time after he had carefully arranged and started the war.

Wouldn't it be interesting if the only way you could die was that suddenly your head blew up? If there were no other causes of death? Everyone died the same way? Sooner or later, without warning, your head simply exploded? You know what I think? I think people would get used to it.

Don't you get tired of celebrities who explain their charity work by saying they feel they have to "give something back". I don't feel that way. I didn't take nothin'. You can search my house; I didn't take a thing. Everything I got, I worked for, and it was given to me freely. I also paid taxes on it. Late! I paid late. But I paid.

No one, repeat, no one is interested in athletes who can sing or play musical instruments. We already have people to perform these tasks. They're called singers and musicians, and, at last count, it would seem we have quite enough of them. The fact that someone with an IQ triple his age has mastered a few simple chords is unimportant and of monumental disinterest. Play ball!

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

Talk about wrong priorities. We live in a country that has a National Spelling Bee. We actually give prizes for spelling! But when's the last time you heard about a thinking bee? Or a reasoning bee? Maybe an ethics bee? Never.

A deaf-mute carrying two large suitcases has rendered himself speechless.

They try to blame movies and TV for violence in this country. What a load of #$%#. Long before there were movies and television, Americans killed millions of Indians, enslaved millions of blacks, slaughtered 700,000 of each other in a family feud, and attained the highest murder rate in history. Don't blame Sylvester Stallone. We brought these horrifying genes with us from Europe, and then we gave them our own special twist. American know-how!

I grew up in New York City and lived there until I was thirty. At that time, I decided I'd had enough of life in a dynamic, sophisticated city, so I moved to Los Angeles. Actually, I moved there because of the time difference. I was behind in my work, and wanted to pick up the extra three hours. Technically, for the last thirty years I've been living in my own past.

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we might conceivably wind up with nine-day weekends.

Church signs and an upcoming zipper-mouth moment

2009-06-30T20:40:00.004-05:00

Church Signs

In the previous post I mentioned this church sign I saw while driving through Western Arkansas a few days ago:

"God does not lower his standards to accomodate man's sins"

There are at least two possible ways to interpret this, I guess. Instead of jumping to conclusions about what the church really meant with their sign, I'll explore both interpretations:

1) Maybe they meant that God's standard is perfection, and we all fall short. Therefore, we all need grace. Since this was a Baptist church, perhaps they were trying to spark thoughts of Jesus as the vehicle for us to be seen as perfect by God.

2) Maybe they meant that God is looking at "sinners" disapprovingly, knowing that they are surely lost because they aren't living up to His divine standards. To this possible message, I have some questions:

-- Didn't God create us as fallible? So didn't he know that everyone will constantly fall short of a perfect standard? Why then would he look so disapprovingly upon people for being exactly as imperfect as He made them?

-- Does Jesus project the image that God sits proudly on His perfect standards, with no accomodation? Or did Jesus draw near to everyone, especially those looked on as the least likely to live up to standards of righteousness (foreigners, unbelievers, prostitutes, etc...)? What might this behavior of Jesus teach us about how God sees us?

-- If I assume that even Jesus or even godly grace has its limits, and we still have to be pure... can anyone show me a single person who has lived up to this standard? I sure can't find anybody in the bible who pulled it off.

I find it very sad that some people think God is so ashamed of them. I find it frustrating that some people think God is ashamed of everybody else except their group of the "in" club.

Zipper-Mouth Moment

This weekend members of our church are hosting a July 4th party, and they've set aside an hour for a "political discussion", where they will share their concerns about the direction of our nation, and some tips for how we can get involved in the political process.

I will most definitely have to keep my mouth shut, and keep from making too many assumptions about what they will say.

For now, here are a few nuggets bouncing around in my brain:

-- For a church that prides itself on being based solely on the New Testament text and the 1st Century church, I find it odd that the church is so politically passionate. This type of activism is almost completely absent from Jesus' teachings, his example, and the behavior of the early church.

-- I continue hearing from Christians how concerned they are that America will become "socialist". I find this odd as well, since theoretically socialism is probably more Christian than capitalism is. Welfare, social programs, redistribution of wealth... sounds like the 1st Century church. My guess is that Protestants today see the gospel as the epitome of individualization and free will -- in other words, we each take control of our own salvation and eternal destiny. This spiritual mentality of pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps fits in very well with the fiscal mentality of free markets.

It makes me wonder... would Jesus fight a trend to socialism?

Shortest update ever

2009-06-28T23:08:00.003-05:00

I've been on vacation for the past week and out of touch -- not that you'd notice from the blog, since my absence has been far longer than a week!

-- Work is still insane but good. I've never used this much of my life's energy in a job, but it's paying off. And it's helping others.

-- I'm preaching again on July 12th.

-- Our vacation was excellent -- the usual lake trip with extended family. One particular item of note that the readers here might enjoy (are you still here? really? your patience is not logical) is the church signs aplenty as we drive 15 hours through the bible belt.

Here are two of the signs:

1) "This bloods for you", with a picture of Jesus on the cross.

2) "God does not lower his standards to accomodate man's sins"

That last one probably deserves another blog post. No promises, though. Heh.

Conversations that start innocently...

2009-05-19T20:53:00.003-05:00

Samantha is six years old and has one week of kindgarten left. It was my turn to put her to bed tonight, so we started to chat:

Samantha: Daddy, look, I cut my hand (she shows me a small scab).
Me: Sorry, sugar. How'd it happen?
Samantha: (Smiling) Well, Kenneth bet me I couldn't jump off the high part of the bench, so I did it. Then I kinda landed like THIS! (puts her hands on the ground)
Me: Did it hurt when you did it?
Samantha: A little, but I didn't cry. I never cry at school.
Me: Never?
Samantha: Nope. I'm brave at school.
Me: Okay. Is Kenneth a good friend?
Samantha: Yeah daddy he's a good friend, but sometimes I can't tell what he's saying.
Me: Why not?
Samantha: Because he's black.
Me: Huh?
Samantha: He has black skin. And sometimes I can't tell what black people are saying. We have black boys and girls in my class, and my teacher is black, and sometimes I don't understand them.
Me: What do you mean? Do they use different words?
Samantha: No, they use the same words as us. They just say 'em different.
Me: Interesting.
Samantha: And a lot times when they're talking, they'll go "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'!" (cocks her head at an angle as she says it).
Me: They all do that?
Samantha: Yep. And sometimes white people say it too. That makes me laugh.
Me: I think it's time for bed now.

Ultra-focus, gradually broadening

2009-05-13T13:33:00.003-05:00

For Debby it was cancer that did the job. Illness has a way of doing that.

Lottery winners experience the same phenomenon. So even blessings can do that.

For T.K. Foster and Mike from "If's of Og", two former commenters on this blog... well, we don't know exactly what happened to them.

Diseases, blessings, mysteries -- what common power do they share? All of them can radically change the direction of, and the focus of, our lives.

For over six weeks I've been absent from my blog, and from commenting on the blogs of others, due to my own events that have required focus. It's nothing quite as big as disease or lotteries, though. Simply stated, my job demanded my full attention since late March.

-- In late March, all Directors of my company were brought together by the new company President and asked to develop new business plans. We were in financial crisis.

-- I wasn't actually a Director yet at that point. But I was asked to lead the team in the planning process. I saw it through, and in 30 days we completed a realignment project that would normally take at least 90 days.

-- I was promoted to Director, but at the same time, over one-third of the company was laid off. Including my best friend at the office (James W), who also frequently comments here at the blog.

-- Since the layoff, I've been building a new team and preparing to launch a couple of new company-wide programs. The first is scheduled to go live in one week.

-- In the past week alone, people on my team have experienced the psychotic breakdown of a spouse, a sibling's relapse into drug addiction, an outpatient surgery and the death of a parent. This obviously takes a lot from me as a manager to help them personally, and still somehow makes things work while the employees are absent and project deadlines keep coming closer.

I've never been particularly focused on my career. It's just been something to pay the bills while the majority of my energy -- mental, emotional, physical -- went to other pursuits. For almost two months now I've had to literally rearrange my life to be able to meet the new demands at work.

At first it was overwhelming and I messed up a lot of things. I missed some key family moments. My workouts stopped completely and I got sick (those two are always connected in my health history). I quit writing blogs, reading books, watching movies, playing piano or playing video games.

Now I'm gradually reintroducing those things, one at a time, and figuring out how to define "balance" for myself. It's different every day. It's an exercise of constant adjustment and monitoring.

I don't see any overall good/bad themes emerging from my experiences over the past six weeks -- it's just life. I've gotten a promotion and some of my friends lost their jobs, but who's to say if this is good or bad? Maybe in three months I'll be miserable and they'll land something great! Judging those things is like judging the NFL draft... you can only do it three to five years after it happens.

So in the absence of any ability to discern the master plan, I'm trying to do the things I need to do today, and have fun while doing it.

Because a smart dude once said "each day has enough trouble of its own", and frankly, I've got my hands full with this afternoon's troubles. Tomorrow's are going to have to wait.

I did it!

2009-03-23T21:21:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago the senior minister at our church told me that he'd be out of town on March 22nd, and he wanted me to preach that day. I said yes. So yesterday, I stood up in front of a few hundred people and delivered a message from my heart. Then after a break for bible class, I did it again (our church has two separate services, because we can't hold all 1,000 members in the auditorium at the same time).

Here's a link to the recording -- please note that some computers can't seem to handle the "audio" or "video" streaming links. But anybody can download the MP3 and listen to it that way.

I can also burn audio discs, or maybe even video DVDs, for anybody who has trouble with the files and would like a copy. I'll sell 'em cheap, I promise...

It sorta shocked me when I noticed that the sermon was almost 40 minutes long. But after further reflection, that's actually pretty efficient for the tale of my spiritual journey. After all, it took 32 years to write.

Grace and peace, dudes. I've been stressed and focused on this sermon above all else for a few weeks, and now that it's over I look forward to returning to our regular programming. Thank you to everyone who has been sharing with me on my journey so far. Any progress I've made, and any good that I've done, is largely due to your influence.

p.s. -- if you only listen to the audio, the two pictures I mention at the end are shown below.

From the comments -- two new themes rising up

2009-03-11T21:26:00.000-05:00

Thanks again for the continued discussions in the comments section. It looks to my untrained eye as if two particular topics keep popping up:

1) Old Testament vs. New Testament, Judaism vs. Christianity -- are they truly divergent? Are they the same? Is the old obsolete, or must we still follow the follow the law... etc...

2) Jesus' death -- was it required to make it possible for us to be saved, or was it a powerful example of the love and forgiveness that already existed between God and man?

Leave it to you guys to take on the simple stuff, huh? :)

Let's explore it together. Here are some more crazy Michael thoughts thrown out there to cause trouble:

#1 -- Old vs. New, Jew vs. Christian... who's got it right?

This one is obviously unsolvable, as most issues are in this blog, but I personally learn a lot from the process of studying these debates. If you'll allow me, I'll vastly oversimplify the issue just to give us something concrete to talk about:

Perhaps at its core, this debate is about who Jesus was. Non-messianic Jews mostly think he was a good teacher but that's all, and Christians mostly think he is the Messiah, and the one who changed everything and created a whole new path to relationsihp with God.

So let's look to the words of Jesus for guidance on the issue of Judaism vs. Christianity, and if the old law still prevails. I'd guess that there are three possible ways he could have resolved this:

1) By saying the old law is fullfilled and its time is past, or implying such by breaking it
2) By saying the old law should still be continued just as it was
3) By saying the old law still stands, but it needs to be taken even further in strictness

Would you believe he did all three simultaneously? He did:

1) In John 5:1-17, Jesus heals a paralyzed man and instructs him to take up his mat and walk. On the Sabbath. The healing and the mat-carrying were seen as "working", which would break the Mosaic law of Sabbath. Jesus didn't argue and said, "My father is at work to this very day and I, too, am working." So here Jesus admittedly breaks Old Testament law.

2) From Jesus' sermon on the mount: "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven." -- Matthew 5:17-19. So here Jesus says the old law still stands.

3) From the sermon of the mount again, immediately following the quote above: "For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment."..."You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."..."It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." ...and Jesus continues for a while with the "You have heard it was said" teachings, and each time he takes the OT law even farther. So here Jesus says the OT law was not strict/righteous enough!

He doesn't make it easy, does he? I don't believe he meant to. Every time I think I have him figured out... well, I haven't thought that for a while now. What do you think?

#2 -- Jesus' death. Required sacrifice or powerful illustration?

Alas, I have already written quite a bit so won't spend long on this one. I'll just ask a question in a way I've had agnostics phrase it to me in the past:

Which is more noble:

-- A God who has to kill himself so that his own perfect bloodshed will purify the sinful state of the free-will creatures he himself created, or...

-- A God who became like his creation of his own free will. Not out of obligation or to satisfy justice, but to show in the flesh how much he's loved us all along.

I know, this may not be exactly "fair", pinning human concepts of nobility on God. But in my experience, today's atheists, agnostics, seekers and general non-church-goers aren't interested in concepts that don't at least make some sense to their logical minds.

Would it be so bad to say that it's possible, just possible, that Jesus came and died voluntarily? And to admit that we can't really prove whether or not he was trying to uphold Judaism, tighten it or kill it?

I've read the words of Jesus hundreds of times. And what keeps driving through my brain is this:

Treat each other well. Live according to your highest principles. Trust each other and trust God. Listen to your heart.

I can get that, even when the theological debates excite and confuse me.

Fun questions -- two more OT themes that muddy the waters

2009-02-28T14:09:00.004-06:00

Thank you to everyone who's participated in the comments section so far in this series of posts on atonement, grace and other biblical themes. The questions alone have given me enough material to study and write much more sometime. For now, here's a quick look at two more interesting themes that jump out as you read through the Old Testament:

1) The result of obeying God was to be blessed on earth (family wealth, national military strength, eras of peace, etc...). The afterlife is a concept completely absent from the Old Testament.
2) The relationship with God was a national thing, not a personal thing. The consequences of following or not following God (#1) brought consequences that affected everybody.

I purposely tried to phrase those things positively, but I could just as easily state them another way:

1) It wasn't about heaven
2) It wasn't about the individual

And yet in most churches today, what do we hear?

1) It's all about heaven
2) It's all about your personal relationship with Jesus/God

I'm not going to cite lots of scripture for this one, since it's almost impossible to choose. The entire OT is full of these two themes -- divine principles play out right here and now, and we all share in the results.

What do you think?

For Debby

2009-02-19T21:51:00.005-06:00

Short detour from my current series on biblical themes.

Debby, a frequent commenter and dear digital friend (a.k.a. one of the coolest ladies I've never met), had her last day of chemo today! She has been sharing all the ups and downs of cancer, chemo, unemployment, family, holidays... pretty much her life as an open book on the blog. It's been an honor to read it.

She will soon be headed to visit her son and her friends for some days and nights of family, jokes and laughing.

So in the spirit of family and comedy, here are some things from our household over the past couple of weeks:

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Jack: Daddy, what are those white things on your chin?
Me: ...hairs, son...

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Mid-morning on Monday (a holiday for me) Jack and I stopped by Samantha's school to drop something off. When we walked into her classroom, the teacher warmly welcomed us:

Teacher: Hello, Samantha's daddy! Hello, Jack! Everybody say hi to Jack!
Class: Helloooooo, Jack!
Jack: (Raises hands dramatically) DON'T LISTEN TO ME!!! I'M CRAZY!!!!

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Last night I was getting the bath ready for the kids. They were playing in Jack's room and were supposed to be getting "naykee".

Samantha: Oh Jack, I'm so, so sorry.
Me: What happened? Is he hurt?
Samantha: No. I pooped on his floor.
Me: Huh?
Samantha: Don't worry (she got a kleenex, picked up the nugget, and took it to the bathroom.
Me: What just happened?
Samantha: That's what happens when you take your panties off and then laugh really, really hard.
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Then Samantha dropped this one on me:

Samantha: Daddy, why do good people sometimes get killed for doing good things?
Me: Why do you ask, sugar? (In my head: "WHAT? ALREADY? I'M NOT READY FOR THIS CONVERSATION!")
Samantha: Because of Martin Luther King. He was good. But he got killed.
Me: Hmmm... you're right. And you know what? (SHE'S ONLY SIX!)
Samantha: What?
Me: When he got killed, it kinda woke people up to how wrong that was. He would talk about how we all need to love each other, no matter what color our skin is. But some people thought he was complaining too much, and it wasn't really a problem. When he got killed, though, everybody realized that the problem was real. It woke them up. And now today we treat each other better. (EXHALE)
Samantha: Even The Rock Obama has brown skin, and he's our President!
Me: Exactly!
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So you see, even in the midst of toddler craziness and kingergarten humor, poignant moments of clarity and importance emerge from the chaos.

Life's funny like that.

Atonement -- not so simple

2009-02-12T21:01:00.002-06:00

So last time I wrote about grace, and how it is actually a theme that is encountered (and countered with justice) all throughout the bible, both Old and New Testaments. Tonight I write about another theme, atonement, and once again it is one that is much more complicated than it might appear on the surface.

Let's start with the Old Testament. When I think of atonement in the Old Testament, I usually think of animal sacrifice. This practice begins immediately in the bible narrative, right after Adam and Eve's ejection from the Garden of Eden. It begins with their sons, Cain and Abel:

"Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock." (Genesis 4)

So right away animals are being presented as an offering to God. Noah did it right after the great flood (Genesis 8), Abraham is recorded often as building altars and providing "burnt offerings" on them to God, and Moses did the same. And once Moses inherits "the law", we see right away in the first chapter of Leviticus that God handed down specific instructions on burnt offerings, with specifics from the type of animal (male, without defect) to the style of preparation (skinning the animal, where to place the head on the altar, etc...). That chapter also details how to prepare birds or even grains as a burnt offering, instead of animals. Later, in Leviticus 16, God provides details of how to prepare and kill animals for sacrifices on the "Day of Atonement" a special worship and celebration outside of regular sacrifices. The bottom line is that these offerings, whether spontaneous or command-based, were an important part of their relationship with God.

This is the foundational practice of achieving/receiving atonement. Since I keep mentioning the word, and it's the title of this post, we might as well define it!

I've looked up the word "atonement" in many dictionaries and concordances, and just like with any other topic, there's no agreement. Welcome to biblical study, my friends. But the general tone is something like this:

Atonement: when something has happened so that God can forgive sin

Interesting. The basic picture here is that God is willing, even eager, to forgive, but it's not a unilateral move. He waits for a person to respond, then provides the forgiveness.

So I guess that's it, then. See you next time!

Okay, I'm kidding. Obviously it's not that simple. First let's work through some logic, then we'll look at a few more bible passages.

Logically, what is it about animal blood, bird carcasses or grains that opens up the doorway to forgiveness? Is it something physically present in the flesh or grain? I can't say for sure, but that seems doubtful. This appears more like something God simply chose, because it was an easily-available form of sacrifice for the people. Something that did come with a price, but not too much. He's looking for the gesture itself -- the details are irrelevant (although there sure are a lot of details in Leviticus).

In that case, then, let's look at the bible and see how this plays out. If offerings bring atonement, and enable God to forgive sin, then without offerings there may not be atonement, right? I mean, God laid out the rules pretty clearly. Now we return to Isaiah:

"Yet you have not called upon me, O Jacob, you have not wearied yourselves for me, O Israel. You have not brought me sheep for burnt offerings, nor honored me with your sacrifices. I have not burdened you with grain offerings nor wearied you with demands for incense. You have not bought any fragrant calamus for me, or lavished on me the fat of your sacrifices. But you have burdened me with your sins and wearied me with your offenses." (Isaiah 43:22-28)

Ouch. Surely this won't go well. But wait:

"But now listen, O Jacob, my servant, Israel, whom I have chosen. This is what the Lord says -- he who made you, who formed you in the womb, and who will help you: Do not be afraid, O Jacob, my servant, Jeshurun, whom I have chosen. For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. They will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams." (Isaiah 44:1-5)

Whoa! So maybe sacrifices aren't the only way to atonement? You readers who are long-time church attendees are probably thinking of this passage by now:

"You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." (Psalm 51)

There were whole years, even decades, when the Israelites were not able or not willing to follow specific divine commands. They skipped the Year of Jubilee more than they followed it, they intermarried with idolatrous cultures, they spared enemies they were supposed to kill and killed enemies they were supposed to spare. And they missed sacrifices. Sacrifices for atonement. For forgiveness. Yet God always forgave them anyway, which is powerfully apparent when reading books like Isaiah.

I guess that is the meaning of grace.

I'm running short on time again, and have so far still to go. So let's close with the most fun part -- the hard questions:

-- If God could forgive without sacrifice, then why ask for sacrifice in the first place? It's obviously not for God, or to "enable" God's forgiveness through atonement. He's God. He built the universe; he can forgive whom and when he wants. Is it possible that the demand for sacrifice was for the people? For them to put some skin in the game, come together as a culture, and spend time processing the big picture of what they'd done and how they would improve?

-- If God could forgive without sacrifice, does this put any possible holes in the view of Jesus' death as a necessary part of penal substitution (his perfect self killed so that we imperfect people could be saved)?

-- If "yes" to the above, what other reasons could there be for the life, and death, of Jesus?

Grace in the OT?

2009-02-08T20:34:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago Jamie and I had a Friday date night and went to an exhibit at our local museum called "Birth of Christianity: A Jewish Story". It had some amazing pieces of pottery, tools, art and other items from the time Jesus was alive. They even had a piece of Jerusalem's temple, plus several sections of scrolls from early copies of what we now know as the bible. They had a section of Luke dated around 200 A.D., I believe. The text still stood out clearly on the parchment but it was all Greek to me.

Another section of text there was from the Old Testament book of Isaiah. I wish I could tell you if it was a Greek translation or if it was in the original Hebrew, but I don't remember, because I was fascinated by the English translation posted above the text. What we now know as chapters 43 and 44 of the book tell of the great disobedience of the Israelite people, and how far they've wandered from God. Then Isaiah writes this, as a prophet speaking for God:

"Remember these things, O Jacob, for you are my servant, O Israel. I have made you, you are my servant; O Israel, I will not forget you. I have swept away your offenses like a cloub, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.

Sing for joy, O heavens, for the Lord has done this; shout aloud, O earth beneath. Burst into song, you mountains, you forests and all your trees, for the Lord has redeemed Jacob, he displays his glory in Israel."

Many times Christians think of the Old Testament as portraying the judgment/ruler side of God, while the New Testatment emphasizes the grace/servant side of God. But things are never so simple. We see plenty of harshness, judgment and even anger from Jesus in the New Testatment. And sometimes pieces of pure grace pour from the pages of the Old Testament, just like this part of Isaiah.

The word for "redeem" in the bolded section above is almost surely not talking about heaven -- it's a reference to the restoration of the nation of Israel, and their freedom from bondage. When Isaiah was writing this (~700 B.C.), his nation was starting to weaken under Assyrian forces, and soon many of his people would be slaves. The book of Isaiah is full of warnings of this impending occupation, and links their military weakness to the preceding cultural, social and spiritual weakness. He basically sees his country falling apart from the inside-out.

Yet peppered throughout the book are frequent passages of amazing optimism and beauty, like the one cited above. And almost every one of them is bookended by long lists of the heinous acts the people have commited. The pattern is like this, as spoken by God:

1) You screwed up
2) Wow, you screwed up big time
3) I love you
4) I have saved you. You are mine.
5) Please come back. You will be so much better for it.
6) You're coming back!
7) Wait... there you go again...
8) Back to #1

Notice the order of #4 and #5, just like in the bolded text. First God saves, then he asks his people to come back to him. The people's strength as a nation is dependent on their strength of heart, because this is a natural consequence of cultures. You can't build a lasting superpower on a foundation of deceit and greed. That's still a good lesson for today, wouldn't you say?

But their status with God didn't depend on their obedience. God chose them anyway, and made them his people. Not because they were awesome. But because he's God, and he said so. The same reason that 7,000 Israelites didn't bow before idols during the time of Elijah (1 Kings 19) -- God reserved them. The original text doesn't give any indication that those 7,000 used their free will to stand strong. It appears God just decided they wouldn't bow to idols, so they didn't.

But like I said earlier, themes of the bible are never quite so simple. There are instances of God's confusing wrath and seeming injustice (Uzzah in 2 Samuel 6, anyone?) and instances of God's confusing grace and seeming softheartedness (criminal on the cross in Luke 23?).

But the confusing moments of grace certainly aren't confined to the New Testament. How odd that because of one man, Abraham, God decided to take millions under his wing, protecting them, building them up as a nation, and telling them they would always be his, no matter how far they strayed. All that forgiveness and blessing over thousands of years, just because God liked the guy who came before them.

That is a theme that surfaces again...

So I stood in the museum, seeing an exhibit linking Judaism and Christianity, being reminded once again that our story truly is the same. And if you read chapters 9 through 11 of Romans, you get an incredibly positive and uplifting picture of the future of the Jews. That's a future I'd be proud to share.

I'm not done yet, but I'm done for tonight. :)

10-year anniversary trip, part 2

2009-02-04T20:20:00.002-06:00

So last Friday night, after spending the day at San Diego's Wild Animal Park, we drove up the coast to eat at The Brigantine in Del Mar. Our table overlooked part of the beach, the ocean and the side-by-side racetracks nearby (one for dogs and one for horses, I presume). The food was terrific, of course. I had sea bass and Jamie had an alfredo pasta dish with oysters, shrimp, scallops and goat cheese.

Then on the way back to the hotel we stopped at the grocery store and bought some chocolates. They were on sale because they weren't in a fancy Valentine's box like the others on display, ha! So we ate an expensive dinner and finished up with cheap dessert, and thus everything was balanced.

Saturday we checked out of the "Plan B" hotel and drove to San Diego to hit the Midway aircraft carrier, now turned into a museum. It was one of our favorite parts of the trip. It was built in the mid-1940s and was the biggest ship in the world for over a decade after its completion. It was activated in multiple conflicts, saved many refugees and was still our flagship for Desert Storm! It was finally decommissioned a few years ago and has been transitioned into a tourist attraction.

It's massive. We spent a few hours doing through all the levels and rooms. We talked to lots of people. Several former shipmates are now guides on the ship, so we got to hear about the galley/mess from a former Midway head cook (1973-74) and we learned about the steam engines from a former engineer on the ship (1960s). We learned that the ship had four engines, each with more than 52,000 horsepower. They served more than 13,000 meals every single day.
And it wasn't just statistics -- the pictures, stories and physical reality of the ship itself really transported us to another place and time. It was a stark reminder of war for a happy couple who has never experienced it firsthand.

In the hangar and on the flightdeck were more than 40 aircraft, all of which at some point actually flew from the Midway on active duty. Did I mention the ship was big?

Then we checked into the Hotel Salomar right in the heart of San Diego, and our friend Roland (he often comments on the blog) drove down from L.A. to see us. Thus beginneth our #1 favorite part of the trip -- Torrey Pines with me, Jamie and Roland.

We started out on the beach and walked it for a while, then we went up into the hills and hiked the trails. Just sunshine and conversation. I like that we didn't just go to California and retreat into ourselves. We made some connections: Mrs. Nugent, Roland, a couple at the animal park from Osage Beach, MO, etc... A good reminder that "we" is bigger than just the two of us, and that everybody has a story worth hearing.

After all that walking, the donger need food (movie reference) so we headed back to the hotel to park Roland's car and walk the area for a good restaurant. We settled on Mexican food, followed by dessert at Ghirardelli Chocolate. Yes, they have stores, and I'm lucky enough that this is the second one I've been to (the other was in Las Vegas). I later discovered that they have thirteen locations nationwide, and that eight of them are in California. What a state!

We came home relaxed and refreshed, ready for another 10 years.

There's a lot going on right now, so I'm not sure what to blog next. I'm not promising that all of the following will ever get posted, but here are some ideas I'm throwing around:

-- Book reviews of "The Spontaneous Healing Power of Belief" and "13 Things That Don't Make Sense"
-- The sad and strangely humorous (in a dark way) story of when I had to put our neighbor's cat down for him recently. With a shovel.
-- How prejudice is actually overcome (hint: not through articles or debates)
-- Oh yeah, Jamie's pregnant. :)

Our 10-year anniversary trip -- part 1

2009-02-03T19:57:00.002-06:00

In January Jamie and I celebrated 10 years of marriage, and to mark the occasion we planned a 4-day, 3-night excursion to San Diego. Just the two of us. Neither of us had ever been to California before and we were ready to have an adventure!

My mom flew down from Kansas City to take care of the kids and did an amazing job. Seriously, our family schedules exhaust me all the time and at least I know the lay of the land around here -- where the restaurants, schools and parks are located, how to do the bedtime routines, reminding Jack to go potty, etc... She didn't have the benefit of knowing all our family rituals and household details, yet came down to our turf and managed everything beautifully. Big award to RoRo (her nickname)!

So with her taking care of things at home, Jamie and I flew out last Thursday morning. Our plan was to spend the first two nights at a cabin on Lake Henshaw, about 80 miles north of San Diego. It would be a quiet, nature-filled and private retreat for us. The place we were staying said it had a cabin "nestled in the hill" on the lake. We envisioned just that, complete with crisp mornings with birds singing, and clear nights of stargazing next to the fire we'd build.

More on that later. First, we needed to get to the lake. Our flight was smooth and we hopped in our rental car and headed north from San Diego. We stopped in a small community/suburb called Scripps and had lunch at an awesome family-owned seafood restaurant (AJ, the food references are especially in your honor). It was called Nugent's Fishgrille, and Mrs. Nugent herself was our hostess. Jamie got the cajun tuna sandwich (with what looked like a 14-oz. filet) and I had the sliders. Awesome. And Mrs. Nugent visited with us a while and mentioned that if we liked the hiking, we had to go to Torrey Pines and do it there. Later on we loved her for that.

And then we arrived, and this was the view out our cabin door:

We were nestled in a hill, alright. A paved hill, right smack in the middle of a big parking lot that included a bar/grill and about five other cabins mere feet from our own. And we had to cross the parking lot, the highway, and some other property to get to the lake, which in Texas terms was a respectable puddle. No fire pits, either. The cabin walls were thin and there were no curtains on the windows, giving us as much privacy as a glass house, basically.

We're not usually very picky, and we certainly weren't looking for luxury. All we wanted was a private place out in nature, but once that wasn't working we turned in our key, got in the car and continued the adventure! First we stopped near the town of Julian for some of their famous apple pie. We had the dutch apple pie, hot, with cinnamon ice cream. Then back in the car on the beautiful California roads (amazing hill country, vineyards, fruit fields, ostrich farms, etc...) to figure out where we'd be spending the night.

We ended up at a hotel not more than 100 yards from the restaurant where we'd eaten lunch! But it was perfect. The staff upgraded us to a jacuzzi room with a king bed for dirt cheap, and we couldn't have been happier.

We woke up Friday morning and drove to the Wild Animal Park. It's like a zoo, but with a much more open setting. Here are some pics and captions, and then tomorrow I'll bring you part 2 to finish the recap of our trip:

Here's a look at how open the terrain is. Giraffes, antelope, rhinos... all together in a more natural habitat.

It might be hard to see, but a baby is nursing under its mother here.

Bird of paradise

These female gorillas were having a showdown. The one on the right didn't want her blankie stolen. They were quite entertaining.

Okay, maybe not a totally natural habitat, but Land Rovers sure are comfy.

Tomorrow:

--The beach
--Hiking at Torrey Pines
--Touring the Midway aircraft carrier
--More food!
--Hotel Salomar and the gaslamp quarter of San Diego

My last list from 2008 (I think)

2009-01-27T21:42:00.003-06:00

A while ago I posted my favorite daily calendar quotes from the first six months of 2008. These are from my office calendar made by Stephen Covey's company (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). Here are my faves from the last six months of the year. I won't be posting again until next week, as this weekend is my 10-year anniversary trip to California!

Note: I've updated the music playlist, so if you scroll allllll the way to the bottom of the page, you'll see an entire list of gravelly-sounding rock songs that you can play. Enjoy!

Is it logical that two people can disagree and that both can be right? It's not logical: it's psychological. And it's very real. And unless we value the differences in our perceptions, unless we value each other and give credence to the possibility that we're both right, that life is not always a dichotomous either/or, that there are almost always third alternatives, we will never be able to transcend the limits of conditioning.
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It simply makes no difference how good the rhetoric is or even how good the intentions are; if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success. Only basic goodness gives life to technique.
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Communication is the most important skill in life. We spend most of our waking hours communicating. But consider this: you've spent years learning how to read and write, years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training or education have you had that enables you to listen so that you really, deeply understand another human being from that individual's own frame of reference?
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Habits can be learned and unlearned. But it isn't a quick fix. It involves a process and a tremendous commitment. Those of us who watched the first men walk on the moon were transfixed and superlatives such as "fantastic" and "incredible" were somehow inadequate. But to get there, those astronauts literally had to break out of the tremendous gravity pull of the earth. More energy was spent in the first few minutes of lift-off than was used to travel half a million miles.

Habits, too, have tremendous gravity pull. And breaking them involves more than a little willpower and a few minor changes in our lives. But once we break out of the gravity pull, our freedom takes on a whole new dimension.
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We are not our feelings. We are not our moods. We are not even our thoughts. The very fact that we can think about these things separates us from them and from the animal world. Self-awareness enables us to stand apart and examine even the way we "see" ourselves. It affects not only our attitudes and behaviors, but also how we see other people. It becomes our map of the basic nature of mankind.

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Empathic listening is a tremendous deposit in the Emotional Bank Account. It's deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person "psychological air". If all the air were suddenly sucked out of the room you're in right now, what would happen to your interest in [reading this blog]? You wouldn't care about anything except getting air. Survival would be your only motivation. But now that you have air, it doesn't motivate you. This is one of the greatest insights in the field of human motivation: Satisfied needs do not motivate.

Favorite DVDs I watched in 2008

2009-01-09T10:00:00.004-06:00

As promised, here is a list of my favorite DVD viewings from 2008. Note that these are my "favorite viewings" from the year. So this doesn't mean that all those movies came out in 2008. And it doesn't even mean I think they're the "best". Here we go!

The Lives of Others -- A state agent in 1980s East Germany is ordered to do 24/7 surveillance on a man suspected of treason. As the agent watches and learns more about the suspect's life, he realizes that he has doubts of his own about the system he works for. I got hooked by the characters and moved by the story of grace and of doing the right thing, even when it's small, and even when it's dwarfed by an environment of wrong things.

After Innocence -- A documentary about the American legal/justice/prison system, and how many death row inmates have since been proven innocent through DNA evidence that wasn't available at the time of the original trial. This story was haunting, frustrating and at times beautiful. But after watching it I'm now far less sure about capital punishment, and that's saying something since I live in Texas.

Stardust -- A simple and timeless love story/fantasy tale. Something about it just worked for me. And Robert DeNiro absolutely cracked me up in a way he's never done in his great career, and in a way he'll almost certainly never attempt again!

49 Up -- The latest episode in a running documentary following about a dozen British citizens. It started in the sixties when they were 7 years old, and every 7 years they go back on camera to provide an update about their lives and their dreams. I'm a people-watcher, and this was a mega-dose of it. I could identify with every person in at least some small way, and appreciated their openness in sharing their first five decades with the public.

3:10 to Yuma -- Fairly simple Western film, but I loved the way Russell Crowe and Christian Bale played it. The good guys aren't always good, and the bad guys aren't always bad. Bale had one of the gut-wrenching lines of the year, talking to his wife about their two sons, and why he's risking his life to play the hero:

"I'm tired of the way they look at me. And I'm tired of the way you don't."

Dead Man's Shoes -- On the surface this is just a revenge tale, but the intensity and rawness of the story and cinematography stayed with me for weeks. It may not quite follow the Hollywood formula for endings (and why would it, it wasn't made in the US), but it worked for me. Be aware that this film is quite violent and full of tough language.

God Grew Tired of Us -- A documentary following refugees from Darfur (a.k.a. The Lost Boys) who get the chance to be part of a relocation and job program in America. The story of their childhood and lives in a UN refugee camp is tragic, shocking and enlightening. The story of their new lives in the US is honest, complex and sheds new light on the things our culture cites as vital to the American dream. Nothing can shock us out of our ruts like an outside perspective, and these brave men are about as "outside" as human beings can be.

Other notables: What Would Jesus Buy; No Country for Old Men; Lars and the Real Girl; Mr. Brooks; Black Snake Moan

My favorite gravelly-voiced rock vocalists

2009-01-07T19:58:00.003-06:00

I'm betting that no other blog post in internet history has the same title as this post. Rock on -- I'm original!

My uncle mentioned that he and my dad have been into Nickelback lately and both really like Chad Kroeger's marble-throated singing. He then asked what other similar-sounding guys are out there, and if I'd do a post on it.

You betcha.

I'm breaking this list down into two categories:

1) Pure gravel sound.
2) Smooth, melodic voices when singing softly, but with an ability to sing-scream with scratchy goodness. There are quite a few of these vocalists out there, so I've noted a few of my favorites.

Category 1 -- Pure Gravel

1) Wes Scantlin of Puddle of Mudd -- the band is from Kansas City so I'm already biased in their favor, but Wes has a great voice. Here's one of their hits from 2008 (for listening only; ignore the visual part of the video as the record label doesn't allow me to post the actual music video here on the blog).

2) Jakob Dylan of Wallflowers and solo work -- yep, it's Bob Dylan's son. He's a great songwriter and singer in his own right. Here's a live performance from when he was still with the Wallflowers:

3) Rob Zombie of White Zombie -- this dude and his band have a lot heavier sound than some of you may appreciate. But his voice is undeniably gravelly. Here's another audio-only clip for you (the images are from some unrelated movie, and that's good, because you don't want to see what Rob Zombie actually looks like):

Category 2 -- Smooth/Gravel contrast, all in one voice

1) Dave Grohl of Foo Fighters -- what an amazing talent this guy is. Formerly the drummer for Nirvana, and for all we knew he was just a drummer. Then after Kurt Cobain's death, Dave went into the studio and started writing and recording great songs, playing all the instruments himself. And yes, he sings too. Not bad for a drummer. Here's their latest hit -- the first two minutes are pure smoothness and then the intensity begins:

2) Chris Cornell of Soundgarden, Audioslave and solo work -- probably my favorite rock voice of all time. He can sing with a sweet, beautiful tenor when he wants to. And he can wail like a banshee when he wants to. He often does both in the same song. Here's a live studio performance of one of his old Soundgarden songs:

3) Adam Gontier of Three Days Grace -- not quite as gutteral and strong as most the other guys I've posted here, but his voice has a kinda breathy and smoky quality that is fun for me to listen to. Here's another audio-only clip for you. Seriously. I don't know what the heck the visual part is about, but this is what we get when record labels protect their real music videos so closely.

Hope you enjoyed! And if not, just hang around as my next list is my favorite DVD viewings from 2008.

Whew! Hello 2009.

2009-01-06T17:28:00.003-06:00

The day after Christmas we took off for Arkansas to visit family for five days (half of it spent driving, but it was worth it). Then we got home and everybody promptly got sick.

Samantha got a stomach bug. Then Jack. Then Jamie. I never got that but I lost my voice and had a sinus thing going on. I think we're just about well now!

The main purpose of the trip was to visit my grandparents as they were having a double-celebration -- their 60th anniversary (!) and his 80th birthday (!).

All four of my grandparents are still alive and healthy, which is a huge blessing. And of course, we have nicknames for all four. Birthday boy is known humbly as "Great" since he's one of the great-grandfathers.

He is the one I get my sense of humor from, which was mentioned here when I wrote short profiles of all four grandparents. His wit was on display again this summer during our summer vacation. Here was one of our short conversations on the deck of the lakehouse:

Great: Well Buck (his nickname for me), you've got two kids, are you stopping there? Can't you have more?
Me: We can, sure... but we're just not there yet.
Great: Hmm...
Me: We haven't closed the door on it or anything, at least not biologically. So we'll just see.
Great: Your grandmother and I are the same. We haven't ruled it out yet for us either.

Hey, he was only 79 at the time. It could've happened.

We also visited with my parents, my aunt and uncle and cousins, and even got to spend two days with my brother's family before coming home. The link has pics from that trip, including my shredding session on Guitar Hero with my brother. We could play that for hours!

My uncle specifically asked me to blog something lighter and funnier once in a while, so I'm gonna post some lists later this week:

1) My favorite gravelly-voiced rockers (broken down into two sub-categories... I'm white and nerdy like that)
2) My favorite DVD viewings from 2008

See ya!

Where I blog from

2008-12-21T14:55:00.002-06:00

AJ tagged me for a neat idea -- to take pictures of where I sit/stand/spin with my computer when I'm writing for this blog. Anybody who wants to follow suit and post their own, please do so!

Below are pictures of the "comfy chair" in our den, which is my spot for blogging. I have a laptop for work that I bring home every night and use for myself, while Jamie uses the family desktop computer (visible in the corner of the room).

This is also where I sit for movie viewing, but I have to move a whole 2 feet to play the keyboard! It's a tough life.

Note: some of you may recognize "Reverend Billy" on the TV screen -- I took these pictures on the night I was watching What Would Jesus Buy?

The boy's a super freak

2008-12-18T21:22:00.004-06:00

In some online browing recently, I stumbled across a cool survey site*. It had a Meyers-Briggs style of personality test, only instead of the usual results (I always come out as an INFJ) it puts a sarcastic and biting spin on your personality type.

For instance, instead of "spontaneous", it might say you're irresponsible. Instead of "dependable", it might say you're boring. My kind of survey! I can take a character jab in good fun. So here's what mine said:

__________________________________________________________________

Your result for The Brutally Honest Personality Test ...

Freak- INFJ
20% Extraversion, 67% Intuition, 40% Thinking, 80% Judging

Well, well, well. How did someone like you end up with the least common personality type of them all? In a group of 100 Americans, only 0.5 others would be just like you. You really are one of a kind... In fact, I do believe that that's one of the definitions for the word "FREAK."
Freak's not such a bad word to describe you actually.

You are deep, complex, secretive and extremely difficult to understand. If that doesn't scream "Freak!" I don't know what does. No-one actually knows the REAL you, do they?

You probably have deep interests in creative expression as well as issues of spirituality and human development.

You've probably even been called a "psychic" before, because of your uncanny knack to understand and "read" people without quite knowing how you do it. Don't fret. You're not actually psychic. That would make you special and you'll never accomplish that.

You're also quite possible the most emotional of them all, so don't take this all too hard. Nevertheless you most definitely have the strangest personality type and that's not necessarily a good thing.

_________________________________________________

OK, so the picture is funny, and the text is right on. Those of you who know me well know exactly how well the above paragraphs describe me.

Freaky.

So obviously this is something to keep in mind during those times when I don't feel like it fit in. I was wired with a 1-in-200 type of personality, so most people may not be able to empathize with my style of thinking. And that probably is a good thing.

*I'm not linking to the site because I discovered it automatically signed me up for a dating service. They didn't ask my permission; neither have they gotten me a hot date yet. Double fail.

This brain needs an enema!

2008-12-16T20:23:00.003-06:00

Been a while, huh?

Not to sound insensitive, but I'm not really sorry that I was gone. I am sorry if you got the shakes or had other withdrawal symptoms as a result of my absence, but in some mysterious way my break was necessary. It was right. And I can't really explain it.

I'm in a weird season of spirit right now, and I'm curious where it goes from here. I'm not depressed, but I'm not into some of my usual activities lately (like blogging, for example). And I can't even put a finger on what my crazy brain is slowly working through, but it must be something big. Maybe soon it will let me in on it.

Until then, here's some random spewage of news and stuff:

-- My company, like many others, is about to face some hard times. I'm being asked to do more than ever before, even though (or maybe because) my little department was the sole part of the company that exceeded forecast this year.

-- This means that I'm taking some big leadership roles in some projects. Roles that make absolutely no sense organizationally, because I'm playing in other people's sandboxes and driving strategy for people way above my title and paygrade. But I'm doing it anyway.

-- At the same time, the company has hooked me up with a life/career coach. He and I clicked right away, and in the background of our discussions we know that one day I'm probably going to stop all this corporate stuff and follow my true calling. As soon as I figure out what it is. I'm thinking AJ's past recommendation of a preacher/teacher/comedian/pychologist/analyst thing sounds good. Anybody know someone who's hiring that combo?

-- Speaking of preaching, my church asked me to preach on a Sunday in January. I turned it down. That still bothers me, because I know why I turned it down. It's because I can't preach my heart there. I could give a sermon on plenty of other topics and they'd be satisfied. But I have this sense that the next time I preach, it will be about my evolved understanding of grace, and how it's changed my life and changed what I see as the Christian mission. That's the core of who I am, and to speak powerfully and genuinely, that's what I'd need to share. But I can't do it at the church where I'm a member. Frustrating.

-- I finished teaching my bible class that I've done weekly for six months. It was a wonderful, challenging experience trying to lead a group of people who are twice my age. In many ways I am kindred spirits with that generation. Weird, huh? But that's why my best friends in college were my grandparents, not my classmates. That's a weirdness I'll wear proudly.

-- The senior minister at church asked me to attend the young couples' class that he's teaching, with a tentative plan for me to take over for him soon if I connect with the group. I sat in there last week to discover that I disagreed with practically every single point of the minister's lesson. I thought it was flat out, undeniably, dangerously wrong. He taught that pain/suffering are always directly from God, and are forms of discipline for our unrighteousness. He said there's no room for random events and "life happens" scenarios -- it's all uniquely and purposely from God.

-- This stuff is making me wonder where I fit at church.

-- Jamie and I celebrate our 10th anniversary next month! We're planning on a 4-day, 3-night, jaunt to Southern California to stay in a cabin at the foot of a mountain range. A few days of quiet, sharing, nature, reflection, hiking and boom-chicka-bang-bang. Yeehaw!

-- My daughter is almost halfway through kindergarten. When did that happen?

-- We paid off the van today, 13 months early. That means we have no car payment next month, for the first time in six years. We had no car payment for the first four years of our marriage and we're thrilled to return to that place again. It will make many other things possible financially.

-- I continue studying the economic climate, and I continue to be disturbed. As I blogged about earlier, nobody seems to be discussing the fundamental weaknesses of our economy (low production, low savings, brain drain). If printing more money would fix the problem, wouldn't that have already worked by now? We're teetering on this weird edge between deflation and hyperinflation, and right now I wouldn't be surprised to see either one become reality in 2009.

-- Tonight at dinner I asked the kids what kinds of things Christmas is about. Samantha said "giving" and "sharing". Jack said "baking cookies" and "eating cookies".

-- I like cookies. And hot cocoa. And eggnog. And I've had all three in the past 24 hours.

-- Burp.

Made in God's image

2008-11-24T14:28:00.002-06:00

Sorry to single you out again, debby, but your comment sparked another series of thoughts for me. You mentioned that your role as a mother is part of your connection to knowing/understanding God. In some ways it sounded like this was a treasured epiphany for you, but in other ways you almost sounded guilty, like it cheapens God's love to compare it to our own.

I don't think that's the case at all. Christians believe that we are created in the image of God, and although there's dispute over exactly what that means, it should at least give us peace that our own thoughts, relationships and concepts aren't laughably inept and petty to God. In some mysterious way, some "image", we and God share the same experience.

Our human role of parent is often very useful to me in thinking of the divine role of creator. You see, in our Western form of Christianity we are told that the entire purpose of the universe is to glorify God. In fact, just yesterday at church a man gave a short talk about how the entire point of Jesus' life was to bring glory to the Father. Here we inevitably get back to the Trinitarian concepts that do nothing for me (wasn't Jesus really glorifying himself, if he was God?), but the man's central message was that it's all about God.

Eastern Orthodox churches have a different picture of creation. They look at God as other-oriented, at His core. This was reflected in the life of Jesus, who spent his few years of ministry healing, teaching and loving people. There's no evidence that Jesus was doing this primarily as a self-focused exercise. He genuinely cared about the people of his time, and did his best to serve them. As his core, he was other-oriented.

So compare these two pictures of God from the West and from the East -- the creator making it for his own glory, and the creator who is other-oriented and sharing something beautiful with creations he loves. Quite different pictures... are they mutually exlusive? I don't know!

What I do know is that the Eastern view of God actually meshes better with my own experience as a father. I didn't have children with the main purpose to create a generation that would take care of me. It wasn't about me receiving service or praise from little ones. No, when Jamie and I decided it was time to start a family, the reason was something much more indefinable. It was just time. We were ready to share our home, and our very selves, with new family members. We were ready to create life and nurture it, watch it grow with excitement and concern, and then one day release it to find its way in this crazy and fun universe.

So I wonder if the "why" of creation, for God, is something similar. I wonder if that's part of his image we inherited. Maybe he didn't make this whole thing just so that he'd be praised. Maybe it was something tougher to put a finger on, and it was just time. Maybe he wanted others to share in this thing called life, and then after it's over, he'll move us on to the next adventure and once again watch with excitement, concern and pride, like any good parent would.

In the end, is it still all about God? Perhaps so. But my perception of what that means has really changed over time.

Why I believe

2008-11-21T12:59:00.003-06:00

Debby had a good comment on my last post, and it led me to ponder my favorite part of Timothy Keller's book that I read and reviewed.

As I mentioned in the review, I like that Keller came right out and admitted that there's no proof for God. Can faith in God be reasonable in some ways? Sure. But the reasons and evidence hardly pile up to the line of inevitability. It's certainly possible that God doesn't exist, and even the term "faith" implies uncertainty and maybe even some doubt. That's okay.

This concession can be so powerful in forming healthy relationships with agnostics and atheists. I sometimes meet church members who feel that their faith is so sure, so unshakably correct and true, that anyone who doesn't agree just isn't paying attention to the obvious. There is much I admire in that kind of stalwart faith, and while I see the need for those types of followers in the kingdom, I am not one of them. My faith, at its deepest level, shrugs its shoulders and says, "You know what? I might be wrong about all of this."

This doesn't work for everybody. Some may think that this type of faith is too timid, too laced with apathy about solid answers, and too open to the possibility of dissolving altogether. Perhaps they're right... I honestly don't know, but I honestly stay true to where I am and for now I confess that my answers to every single big question (does God exist, why am I here, where do socks go when they disappear from the laundry) is, "I don't know". But even if I don't know, I believe in answers to these questions, and then I live accordingly.

One of my favorite Old Testament passages is when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are facing the fiery furnace, their punishment for refusing to worship a statue of King Nebuchadnezzar. Instead they said they only worshipped God. Before throwing them into the fire, the king gave them one last chance to bow to his image. This was their answer in Daniel 3:16:

"O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

I hear them saying, "You know what? We could be wrong about this. We could totally burn up into nothingness in ten seconds. But we're sticking with our hearts and our faith. We can't prove we're right. But we go on anyway."

I admire that so much. That's the spirit of doubting Thomas in the New Testament, a guy who gets way too bad a reputation sometimes. Sure, he doubted some of Jesus' decisions and he doubted the resurrection, but he kept on anyway! When Jesus told his followers he would go to see his friend Lazarus, Thomas thought it was a bad plan. This would mean going right back to the people who had earlier tried to kill Jesus. It was dangerous, possibly silly, and there was no evidence Jesus nor his followers would survive. Jesus stood his ground and said he was going. Thomas answered (John 11:16):

"Let us also go, that we may die with him."

What a doubter! He knew there was no guarantee that he would survive, but he went away, because he believed in what Jesus was doing. I love that.

Some of my Christian friends did not grow up in Christian families -- they came to their own faith later in life and from different angles. But each of them came to faith in ways more mysterious than obvious, through feelings as much as logic. Some of them read this blog. For many of them, when I ask about their "conversion" story, it goes something like this: one day I didn't believe, the next day I did.

This gives me courage, because in the end, to answer the title of this post, I believe because I believe. I have no proof that I'm right. I confess my Christian upbringing was a major factor, and in other circumstances I'd be something other than Christian. I confess that there are social pressures to me keeping a Christian label.

I don't use science or archeology to prop up the bible as infallible truth. I don't claim any particular grasp of spiritual wisdom that is better than any other faith, denomination or church member. And yet I believe.

I may not believe the exact same things you do. In fact, we almost assuredly don't agree on many things. This often makes things a little prickly for me at church, as it's hard to find the line between healthy diversity and breaking from the faith. What things can I disagree on openly and still be considered a "brother"? It's under the surface of my mind most Sundays I go to our church.

Confession time:

-- I agree with some of Lee Strobel's conclusions in the "Case for Christ" series of books, but I find his methods faulty and his arguments weak.
-- I believe that the rule of consequences is built into the universe, but I'm highly doubtful of the traditional view of hell.
-- I believe that Jesus is my absolute biggest spiritual influence, yet I doubt some of the Trinitarian doctrines that are supposedly essential to my Christian status.
-- I believe that what we do in this life matters, but I don't fret about my "special purpose" and instead have been focused on living naturally, meeting each day ready for whatever it brings.
-- I believe that the golden rule encompasses the very essence of the most important parts of Christianity, but I admit that other religions have equal, and sometimes superior, focus on that same essence.

And I believe.

Calendar wisdom

2008-11-18T16:08:00.002-06:00

This year my daily calendar in my office has been from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People company.

If the very name makes you groan, no biggie -- just skip this post! :)

Not everyone is into that kind of stuff, but I like having these daily tidbits. Here are my favorites from the first half of the year. And by "favorites" I usually mean that these are the ones that made me very uncomfortable as I faced up to my own shortcomings:

"The real beginning of influence comes as others sense you are being influenced by them -- when they feel understood by you -- that you have listened deeply and sincerely, and that you are open."

"So many of us are filled with our own rightness. We want to be understood. Our conversations become collective monologues, and we never really understand what's going on inside another human being."

"If I think I see the world as it is, why would I want to bother with someone who's 'off track'? My paradigm is that I am objective; I see the world as it is. Everyone else is buried by the minutia, but I see the larger picture. That's why they call me a supervisor -- I have super vision. If that's my paradigm, then I will never be effectively interdependent, or even effectively independent, for that matter. I will be limited by the paradigms of my own conditioning."

"The difference between people who exercise initiative and those who don't is literally the difference between night and day. I'm not talking about a 25 to 50 percent different in effectiveness; I'm talking about a 5,000-plus percent difference, particularly if they are smart, aware, and sensitive to others."

"Some people become so centered on an enemy, so totally obsessed with the behavior of another person that they become blind to everything except their desire for that person to lose, even if it means losing themselves. Lose/Lose is the philosophy of adversarial conflict, the philosophy of war."

"Whenever love is given on a conditional basis, when someone has to earn love, what's being communicated to him is that they are not intrinsically valuable or lovable. Value does not lie inside them; it lies outside. It's in comparison with somebody else or against some expectation. And what happens to a young mind and heart, highly vulnerable, highly dependent upon support and emotional affirmation, in the face of conditional love? The child is molded, shaped, and programmed in the Win/Lose mentality."

"Dag Hammarskjold, past Secretary-General of the United Nations, once made a profound, far-reaching statement: 'It is nobler to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.' I take that to mean I could devote eight, ten, or twelve hours a day five, six or seven days a week to the thousands of people out there and still not have a deep, meaningful relationship with my spouse or with my closest working associate. And it would take more nobility of character -- more humility, courage and strength -- to rebuild that one relationship than it would to continue putting in all those hours for all those people and causes."

"I do not agree with the popular success literature that says self-esteem is primarily a matter of mind-set, of attitude -- that you can psyche yourself into peace of mind. Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true principles and values..."

"The real key to your influence with me is your example, your actual conduct. Your example flows naturally out of your character, or the kind of person you truly are -- not what others say you are or what you may want me to think you are. It is evident in how I actually experience you."

More on the book review

2008-11-15T21:06:00.003-06:00

My buddy James let me know that he was a little unclear on some of my criticisms of The Reason for God. I went back and read my post through two more times, and James is right -- I don't think I expressed myself very well. Here's another try.

The intended audience for Keller's book is non-Christians. Atheists and agnostics, mostly, but he's writing to followers of other religions as well. The book is laid out into two sections -- the first covers the most common questions posed about Christianity (why does God allow evil, why did Jesus have to die, etc...) and the second half lays out his take on some of the most foundational Christian principles -- grace, love, spiritual disciplines, etc...

So given all of that, I have to think that at some point he wants the reader to ask the question that is asked multiple times in the New Testament: "What must I do to be saved?"

It's the call to action. Every church I've seen has some sort of answer for this question. Some say you must accept Jesus with a statement of faith, others perform baptism, others have a longer-term process with multiple steps of commitment.

Keller doesn't answer the question at all. He spends 300 pages telling non-Christians why they should change their minds, yet if the book actually succeeds in this, he leaves the non-churched reader wondering about the next step. I found this strange.

So this is my main critique with Keller's book:

1) He says that non-Christians are lost and destined for hell (see here on his church website for more on the topic). We'll call this "point A" in a spiritual journey, just for the sake of example.
2) He says that Christianity is not only the key to going to heaven, but it's the key to living the best life on earth. We'll call this point B in the spiritual journey.
3) He says nothing about how to get from point A to point B.

That seemed odd to me.

Book Review -- The Reason for God

2008-11-13T17:04:00.005-06:00

The last book I finished was The Reason for God by Timothy Keller, and I thought I'd share my thoughts on it here in the blog, since many of the book's themes relate to some of my recent writings. And many of you have shared with me either through the comments, through email or through conversation that these deep questions of faith are fun to wrestle with.

So here are two things I liked about the book, and two things I didn't like.

Things I Liked

#1 -- Keller admits throughout the book that while he is focusing on the rationale for God, there is no proof that the divine even exists, let alone that the Christian view of God is correct. At some point, no matter how much evidence appears to pile up, we all make a leap of faith in our theology, if we're not agnostics. To say definitively that yes, there is a God, or no, there is no God, is a non-provable statement in scientific terms.

I like this. It's a good, humbling reminder for Christians who think their view of God and the world is so obviously correct, and it's a good starting concession to readers who have no belief in god whatsoever.

#2 -- He makes a great point that atheism, when taken to its natural conclusion, is a depressing way to view the universe. This is by no means a new thing -- Nietzsche was writing about it more than 150 years ago and the phrase "nihilism" is known mostly because of him. Or just read the first two chapters of the book of Ecclesiastes to see what life looks like if dust-to-dust tells the whole story of humanity.

Carl Sagan, Richard Dawkins, Dan Dennett and others have tried to explain how this universe is still beautiful and amazing without God, and at the big-picture level I can agree. But then they say that we can encourage beautiful things like love, peace and respect for mankind with an atheistic worldview, and that always falls flat for me.

If I am simply molecules in motion, then love is merely a chemical reaction. Respect is an illusionary concept between strangely-organized pieces of moving flesh. And with such a massive universe (approximately 13 billion light years across) why would it possibly matter what I, a 200-lb. organism with DNA more than 99% equal to a chimpanzee, do with my day? Is there any "should" in the life of a tree or a fish? No. So what makes me different?

The fact remains that we have moral obligations and nearly-universal themes of conscience across cultures that make no sense on an evolutionary level. Perhaps there's more going on than just molecules in motion?

Things I Didn't Like

#1 -- He could've used some more original thought. The book is almost 300 pages long, but much of it seems to be quotes from prior apologists. The first half of the book is full of excerpts from C.S. Lewis, and the second half is peppered with NT Wright. Seriously. I've already read their stuff... I bought this book for something new.

When I was reading in bed one night, I looked at Jamie and mentioned this point. Then I closed the book, opened it to a random page and showed her. Boom. C.S. Lewis quote.

#2 -- His view of grace/law/salvation made no sense to me. I tried and I tried but I couldn't reconcile his chapters to develop of mental picture of where he stands on some doctrinal issues. This bothers me, because I love getting in peoples' heads! And when I read 300 pages of your work, I feel like that should be enough to get in your head and understand you, even if I don't agree with you.

Here's an example -- maybe you can help me.

On page 4 in his first chapter, he describes a cross-religion panel he sat on with a Jew and Muslim. During that conversation, he clearly stated that their religions are an either/or proposition, both in terms of correct doctrine and salvation. So if Christianity is "right", then the other guys are doomed. And vice versa. They didn't think these different religions could be reconciled by the same God. Fair enough -- I understand him so far.

Then he wrote a section about hell and why he thinks it's real. His sole support was the story of the Rich Man and Lazarus. Based on my previous writings on the subject, some of you already know that I think it's a huge stretch to use that story as evidence for the current view of hell. But whatever... I still understand where he's coming from, even if I don't agree.

Near the end of the book, he writes about the beauty of God's grace, and how it impacts our view of other people. Here's what he says (emphasis mine):

This gospel identity gives us a new basis for harmonious and just social arrangements. A Christian's worth and value are not created by excluding anyone, but through the Lord who was excluded for me. His grace both humbles me more deeply than religion can (since I am too flawed to ever save myself through my own effort), yet it also affirms me more powerfully than religion can (since I can be absolutely certain of God's unconditional acceptance).

That means that I cannot despise those who do not believe as I do. Since I am not saved by my correct doctrine or practice, then this person before me, even with his or her wrong beliefs, might be morally superior to me in many ways.

So he cannot do anything to save himself. Like Paul wrote in the New Testament, redemption is either all grace or all law. You can't have some of both. Keller seems to agree and say that it's all grace, and all from God. Nothing to do with doctine, practice or morality.

Yet earlier in the book he made it clear that many people were going to hell, and that seemed to be due to their incorrect doctrines, practices and/or morality!

And if they turn that around somehow, haven't they done something themselves to be saved?

If it's not to Mr. Keller's credit that he's going to heaven, then why is it his neighbor's fault that they're going to hell?

So there ya go -- two things I liked and two things I didn't like. If you have anything to add or if you can help me get in the author's head a little better, let me know!

Update and kid quotes

2008-11-12T15:51:00.003-06:00

1) Our phone line has been completely down since Saturday. No phone line, no internet. AT&T said something about the line being open more than 800 feet away from our house, and that is impacting us. Yeah, I'd call an inexistent dial tone and no phone service an "impact". They're working on it but may have to call in some other team to fix it. I'm betting our bill won't be prorated down next month to compensate for the time without service!

2) I had a weird swollen spot under my right jaw for a few days. I assume it was a lymph node. Last Thursday it was sore in the morning, grew throughout the day and by that night it was like a golf ball and was hot to the touch. Gross, I know. I went to the doc and he was pretty freaked out and completely stumped by what could have caused it. That's always nice to hear from a doctor.

I've been on antibiotics since then and everything's just about normal now. I never had any other symptoms -- no fever, sore throat, earache or anything.

Just one more medical mystery from our family.

Enough of that -- onto recent quotes from the kids!

#1 -- Capital punishment

Jack (3yo) walked into a room to find our two dogs wrestling. He went to separate them and then gave them a talk:

"Who started this? Did you start it (points at Mo)? Did you (points at Z)? Whoever started this... (raises his hands dramatically)... must be killed."

Don't worry; he doesn't know what that means.

#2 -- Hurricane Ike's impact

Jack: I'm very sad.
Jamie: Why, son?
Jack: Because I'll never go to the aquarium again.
Jamie: Sure we will! But not today.
Me: No, it's closed today. Even the zoo is closed.
Samantha: Why is the zoo closed?!?!
Me: Because of the storm.
Samantha: Oh yeah... the storm. What happened to the animals?
Me: They're fine. They'll just stay in their cages.
Samantha: What about the outside ones? Oh yeah, they'll just go to their inside places. The elephants have a place that looks like jail, so they'll go there.

#3 -- Toddler version of the Z-snap

Jamie: Jack, pick up that toy and put it away.
Jack: NO!
Jamie: Jack, that's a minus (a scoring system we were trying out, unsuccessfully).
Jack: (Stomping his foot and tightening his fists) Mom, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!

#4 -- Quick-witted at age three

Me: Samantha, how was kindergarten today?
Samantha: Good.
Me: Do you have friends there?
Samantha: Yep.
Me: Do they have names?
Samantha: Well, one is named Genesis.
Me: Genesis? Really?
Samantha: Yep.
Jack: What about Exodus? Was he there?

#5 -- Dream on

Jack: Dreams aren't real, daddy. Dreams aren't real.
Me: Nope, they're not. Sometimes I wish they were, though. Like when I dream I can fly.
Samantha: Ooh, ooh... you know what else would be cool if it was real??!?
Me: What?
Samantha: If I was uh INDIAN!!

#6 -- Dust to dust

Samantha: Daddy, who is Nonny's mommy and daddy? (Nonny is her great-grandmother)
Me: I don't know, sugar.
Samantha: Why not?
Me: They were too old by the time I was born.
Samantha: How old were they when you were born?
Me: Well... they were so old they weren't alive anymore.
Samantha: You mean they were dead?
Me: Yes.
Samantha: They were already dead when you were born?!?
Me: Yep.
Samantha: Whoa! They must be mummies by now!

#7 -- Faster than the elevator

Samantha: I like eating outside at the restaurant!
Me: Me too!
Samantha: Do you ever eat outside when you're at work?
Me: No, we don't have outside tables.
Samantha: Why don't you open your window?
Me: Mine doesn't open.
Samantha: Why not?
Me: Because it's on the eighth level.
Samantha: EIGHTH LEVEL!!! WHOA!!!
Me: Yeah, it'd be too high and too dangerous to open the window.
Samantha: Sure would; especially without parachutes!

#8 -- Rub it in, why dontcha

Samantha: Hey daddy!
Me: Yes?
Samantha: I bet if you didn't have kids, you'd want to be a baseball player!
Me: ....

Meme about me

2008-11-04T20:04:00.002-06:00

I done been tagged by AJ, my sister-in-law, a sweet girl who owes all her blogging success to humble little me.

Here are the rules of the meme:

Here we go!

1. I've always been into fitness but I haven't done a single formal workout since Hurricane Ike seven weeks ago. Fortunately after years of training I'm pretty good at listening to my body, so I've dropped my calories enough that there's been no weight gain. But I'm not as strong, fast or fit as I'm used to being. In the past, breaks like this would have driven me crazy but for some reason it's not bothering me this time.

2. How have I cut calories? By using intermittent fasting, basically skipping meals as it suits my schedule and my appetite. Lately I've been purposely skipping lunch two or three times a week, and it's amazing how it works for me. I don't get hungry and I keep up full momentum at the office without worrying about food. I've done lots of study on this topic over the past few years and all the "metabolism damage" fears about skipping meals are incorrect, in my opinion.

3. Right now I am pumped about this weekend. Earlier this year I posted some pictures of our first-ever camping trip, a group outing with some other families from our church. Well, this weekend is another church camping trip, but Jamie and I have some things we really need to stay home for. Her parents, though, have volunteered to take the kids on the camping trip so that they can have a couple of days of non-stop fun with their grandkids.

Jamie and I have had plenty of dates without the kids, and even a short trip or two. But we've never been home for a weekend while the kids were away somewhere. It's going to be bizarre and I'm sure we'll miss the kids, but the prospect of sleeping in on Saturday is worth a fist pump and a "booyah".

4. When men hit their mid-30s some of them lose their minds a little bit. Sort of an early mid-life crisis. I've heard this from several guys, and I'm not immune to the phenomenon either. So it's confession time. I have decided to do something very unexpected, and to jump into an activity that I've always known I wanted to try. It just took more than 30 years to admit to myself that I truly wanted to try it. In a way I guess I'm coming out of a closet. No, not that closet.

I'm learning to play piano. I've only just begun, but I have a decent keyboard, some books and am in the hunt for a good teacher. I want to learn it the right way, and have it become both a creative outlet and a stress-relieving activity at some point. That will entail enough of a mastery that I don't have to "think" so hard about the technicality of the playing, and can just focus on the feelings of the music. I realize that's a long way away, but I'm genuinely commited to getting there.

Knowing my blog visitors, some of you are reading this and thinking, "weird, Michael". Others are chuckling and saying I'll never stick with it. Others are jumping for joy.

5. I have a Playstation 3 and a Nintendo Wii, but I haven't been playing much of either lately. Not because I don't want to... there are several games for both systems I'm interested in. Just haven't gotten around to buying them. It'll be time when it's time.

6. Most of you know I'm a geek for physics, if you've been reading my posts lately. But I'm also a geek for other areas of science too -- specifically the intersection of psychology and neuroscience. Or put another way, the world of the "mind" and the world of the "brain". Examples:

-- Alzheimer's is a physical condition, affecting the brain tissue. But it manifests itself in terrible ways on the memory and the emotions. Brain and mind are connected.
-- Take a minute to close your eyes and think of one of your best memories. Picture it, see it, hear it, smell it. Chances are good that this mental exercise brings physical results -- a smile, lower heart rate, lower blood pressure and a relaxation of normally-tense muscles like those in the neck and shoulders.

See? I'm a geek for this stuff. Our scientists are still only scratching the surface in discovering what our brains, and our minds, are capable of.

7. When I get nervous, I get sweaty on my hands and on my booty.

Alright dudes, you're getting tagged. I've got a ridiculous amount of blogs in my RSS feed (more than 40 at last count), and eventually I'll get around to building a blogroll of some of my faves. And I've got more than 7 faves, so please don't be hurt if you're not in the short list of tagees to follow:

Hal
Bob Barbanes
Bob, just Bob
Andrew
Don
Jamie
Roland

There's another Bob I could've put on this list... my Uncle Bob. Hey uncle, let me know if my tagging of you would nudge you to get to blogging again. Cuz I'll totally add you to the list.

More on the evolution panel

2008-11-01T21:16:00.001-05:00

We had some great comments and questions after my last post -- tonight I'll answer a couple of them directly. I just know I'm gonna be wordy on these, so it was too much to leave in the comments section!

Question 1 -- Did you lose/win the debate?

Thankfully it was just setup as a panel, and the minister/moderator introduced us and explicitly stated to the room that it was not a debate. I appreciated that from him. He had worked closely with the four panel members over the past few weeks to ensure that the mood was light and respectful, and before we began on Sunday morning he read the following excerpt from an email I sent to the panel last week:

"I like to believe that our church members are unified in spite of our differences, not in the absence of them."

So if it wasn't a debate, what was my purpose/goal in serving on the panel? It was simple -- to put a personal face on a different perspective. I didn't want to change the attendees' minds on the issue of evolution -- they aren't ready for that big of a shift. I merely wanted to cause a ripple in their very clear, black/white worldview.

On my post about evolution several months ago, I noted that for some people this is a "Level Two" issue -- something that is essential to their entire worldview and faith. In other words, for them, if the world is more than 6,000 years old then you can throw the whole bible away. If the big bang really happened then God doesn't exist. They hang everything together on that single point -- a literal interpretation of Genesis 1. It's all black or white, with no room for grey, no room for the bible having things like poetry, parable or metaphor. One panel member said exactly that -- "if we leave room in the bible for poetry, then where does it end? Maybe Jesus never really lived at all."

So you see, if I win the debate and somehow get them to accept that the earth might be older than 6,000 years, their entire faith comes crumbling down. That's not my intent. Paul speaks pretty clearly about this in his letter to the Romans. Here are a few different sections from The Message translation:

Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with--even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.
_____________________________

Forget about deciding what's right for each other. Here's what you need to be concerned about: that you don't get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is. I'm convinced--Jesus convinced me!-that everything as it is in itself is holy. We, of course, by the way we treat it or talk about it, can contaminate it.
_____________________________

Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe--some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them--then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong.
______________________________

Good stuff, and it reminds me to get back to following the golden rule. I want people to give me space and grace for my own opinions, then I have to do the same for them. When I spend some time seriously thinking on this, I realized there are two things that really irked me about previous conversations with creationists:

1) They assumed their own belief was the only true choice, and anybody who didn't agree was dumb, evil or terribly misinformed
2) They got very emotionally involved in the issue, literally shaking with anger at the thought of other people's weak or nonexistent faith

My main goal on the panel was to avoid both of those mistakes, by:

1) Having an open mind and projecting a sense of genuine humility
2) Staying cool, calm and loving, with no anger to those who disagreed with me

That's how I want people to treat me, so it was "golden rule" time for me to do the same.

Question 2 -- "If you dont take Scripture in its entirety, how do you reconcile the parts that dont make any logical sense. Do you actually call yourself a "Christian"?

I'll sorta be coy and devious on this one, just for the sake of brevity. These questions start to get to the core of my entire faith, and the answers are more than I can post in a few paragraphs.

So to be coy and devious, I don't really understand what "take scripture in its entirety" means anymore. I used to think I knew what that meant, and I held that over people who didn't agree.

So is the whole bible true or not? Literal or not? Song of Songs is cleary poetry, but is it "true"? If so, what is it telling us, and is that truth any less important than historical facts?

Here are my two devious closing comments:

1) If I told Jesus I was a Christian, is it possible he would reply, "You're a what?"

2) In Paul's second letter to Timothy, when he wrote that "all scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching", did he think he was writing scripture?

The 1 and the 99

2008-10-28T19:43:00.003-05:00

I had a follow-up post started on the evolution panel, but it will need to wait a bit.

Our new puppy Z snuck out this afternoon and we haven't been able to locate him. Some kids in a nearby apartment complex said he came through there and they played with him for a while, but then he ran off.

Hopefully he's just in somebody's home right now and either they'll see our upcoming flyers, or they'll take him to a vet or shelter where his microchip will be scanned and they'll call us.

Hopefully he's in somebody's home. The low tonight is in the 30s.

I know more fully what it means now to do all you can to find that one lost sheep.

EDIT: A sweet young couple about a mile away found Z tonight and posted on Craigslist, just minutes before my own posting went live. I got many emails from people saying, "Oh my gosh! This is so awesome -- check the website! Somebody found your puppy!" Our postings were literally on top of each other, with one titled "Lost" and the other titled "Found".

Guess it goes to show you, at any given time, if you're wondering whether you're lost or you're found, you might actually be both.

More on the evolution panel

2008-10-28T17:11:00.004-05:00

Finding balance in pride and humility

2008-10-26T21:01:00.002-05:00

I did something good today, and I'm proud of it. I was asked to sit on a "panel" in a bible class at our church with three other men to discuss an explosive and often-divisive topic: evolution. Really the topic was science in general, but evolution has been the primary topic of that class. I've written about it here before -- just search "evolution" in the search bar above and you'll find those old articles.

Anyway, this class has continued but I haven't been able to participate because I've been teaching a class of my own for the past five months. Then this panel idea came up.

At first I was excited, but over the past week or so I'd been getting more and more nervous. I discovered that all three of the other panel members are young-earth creationists, believing that a 6,000 year-old earth is an essential foundation of the Christian faith. I don't personally hold to that view. It felt like I was walking into a very dangerous situation. In the end, though, it went very well and several people came up to me after class to say they appreciated my contribution.

Below is what I said this morning. Yes, it's pretty close to verbatim -- my memory is freaky like that. After that, I'll post something humbling to balance things out.

Question 1 -- Why are you here on the panel? What is your interest in this topic?

I have no professional training in science -- I was just a dumb business major in college. I'm here probably for the same reason many of you are here listening this morning; I just love this stuff. Science fascinates me, and I love discovering and learning more about how our universe works.

Because of that, my favorite branch of science is physics, since they ask the absolute biggest questions -- what the world is made of, how it works, what are the forces at work around us, and so on. Those big questions are so leading-edge, and the theories often so unproven, that it brings with it a big dose of humility. The people who inspire me are the expected former legends of physics like Einstein and Neils Bohr, but there are scientists today like Brian Greene and Sylvester Gates who are equally brilliant yet still able to communicate to average people like me. I read these guys' books and see them speak in person whenever possible. Like I said, I just love this stuff.

Question 2 -- What is your definition of "evolution"?

Well, my answer is different than those you've heard from the other men here, but when I say "evolution" I'm just talking about the process of species changing over time due to natural selection. It's happening in our world right now, and I'd bet that everyone in the room agrees. Here, I can test it -- would anybody here give their children the flu shot from 10 years ago? Probably not, because the virus changes ever year, and the CDC tries to keep its flu shot relevant to the currently active strains. So things are constantly changing.

Even Ken Ham (the author of the book being used in bible class) agrees that evolution is a part of the picture. Let's take his view of Noah's ark, a literal event a few thousand years ago when only a maximum of 1,000 species survived the flood. And yet today there are over a million species on our planet. His explanation is that right after the flood, God started a super-fast form of evolution, turning one species of primate into 20 in just a few generations. One dog breed became hundreds.

So both sides agree that evolution has happened and is still happening, it's just a debate over the speed that animals evolved in the past. That's all I mean by evolution. The origin of man is a different issue for me.

Aside

At this point a class member said the following -- "But if our adversaries hear us talk like that, won't it weaken our argument? If they think that in any way we agree with them then we'll appear weaker and will probably lose the debate. I think we need to tell them upfront that we don't agree with any of their stance on evolution."

This was my answer:

I don't want this to come off as a personal attack on what you just said, but I'd like to point out how differently I approach the issue itself, regardless of my conclusions on all of this.

You said words like "adversary", "debate", and "lose", and mentioned that we have to appear strong to win the argument. In my experience in speaking with scientists, this just isn't effective. A true dialogue requires me to first humble myself, put aside my judgment, and listen openly not only to the content of the speaker, but to the person himself. I need to hear where he's coming from and truly try to understand, and that can be a very vulnerable thing. It's not about strength -- strength doesn't work, at least when I've tried it. It shuts down any chance of two human beings actually having a discussion and impacting each other.

I always start with what I have in common with someone else -- always. I start with what we agree on, use that to build up a base of companionship, and then go from there into the differences with an open mind.

(The commenter came up to me after class and apologized, saying that his words didn't come out like he meant them to. We smiled, shook hands and were better for it.)

Question 3 -- How do you see science and faith working together in your life?

Wow, in a lot of ways, but first let me tell you where they don't work together for me. I think that at the very root level, deep inside my soul, science and faith answer different sets of questions.

Science seeks to answer the What/When/How of the universe. For example, on the issue of creation, science continues to examine and study what happened, when it happened, and how it happened. And if all of those things somehow get answered, although I don't think that will happen in my lifetime, they still aren't the most important questions to me, when it comes to creation.

The most important questions about creation, to me, are Who and Why. Science may someday answer a lot of the things we're discussing today, but it'll never provide a pupose for my life, the "Why" of my values and priorities. That is the arena of faith. So at the very deepest level, science and faith are attempting to answer different questions for me.

Above that deep level, though, there's all kinds of overlap. For example, one of my favorite bible passages is in Luke 1, when Mary sings a song of joy after being told she would give birth to Jesus. She said that her soul gives glory to God, and her spirit rejoices, and then she gives evidence after evidence of what God has done -- shown mercy here, given strength there, provided guidance over there. She rejoices because she looks around and sees God working.

That's how science and faith work together in my life. I read about the weird behavior of an electron and I give glory. I hear a speech about dark matter and I rejoice. It's just an amazing universe, and it's my pleasure to get glimpses of the creator by looking at things in new ways.

Question 4 -- Time is almost up, so in one or two sentences, please tell us why we should even discuss these topics, if they're not "salvation issues".

(The other three men, in their own ways, all disagreed with the question and said that belief about evolution is a salvation issue, because if we doubt Genesis 1 then we are doubting the whole bible. I kept my mouth shut and didn't mention the irony of a creedless church saying you have to believe in young earth creationism to be saved.)

I'll answer the question with another question -- if we can't discuss the important topics of the day with our fellow church members, then what are we doing here? Whatever stuff is inspiring us, challenging us or bothering us, like the financial crisis, should be discussed right here. I don't want to wrestle with life's toughest problems with strangers, I want to lean on my brother and sisters right here for those things.
___________________________________________________

So that was my morning. It was a lot of fun, althought I was terrified before it started.

And now, as promised, my dose of humility:

Z is for... Z?

2008-10-23T20:26:00.002-05:00

There is a rumor out there that we have another puppy dog. The rumor is true.

A few months ago we were petless, and then along came Mo the Miniature Schnauzer to add a new dimension to the family. After the weeklong evacuation due to Hurricane Ike, we discovered that Mo was, deep in his heart, a pack animal. He needed a brother.

As a refresher, here's Mo -- 18 months old and 16 pounds:

And here's his new little brother, Z -- 10 months old and 12 pounds:

I admit that we're weird with names. We have two dogs and a total of three letters in their names! But the theme was consistent -- a shortened and warped version of an Old Testament biblical character.

Mo is short for Moses, because he was so extremely shy when we met him. He was rescued from an abusive puppy farm when he was four months old and still bore the emotional scars. He needed a buddy to make him more secure, just like Moses needed Aaron.

Z is short for Ezekiel, the prophet who left his home at a young age to move to Babylon, just like this doggy left his foster home to come to us. But that's where the metaphor breaks down... you see, Ezekiel was being joined to his people in exile. Hopefully my family isn't in exile. And in one of Ezekiel's first visions, an angel instructs him to eat a scroll.

Unfortunately, Z has already shredded a children's book or two around here. Maybe our naming is prescient after all!

We should've named him JC. Then he'd behave. At least until we played Monopoly on a Sunday and then he'd probably overturn the game pieces and growl at us.

Redlefty's moment in the sun

2008-10-21T20:29:00.003-05:00

Welcome, everyone, to the unprecedented and highly-anticipated fourth presidential debate. This is being televised all over the world from a studio lot in Hollywood, and I am your host, Michael. From now on I will simply be known as The Super Moderator, or Supermod for short.

Why Hollywood as the site of this gimungous event? It's a different setting for a different type of debate. We'll be relying on props from movies (Princess Bride) and TV Shows (Fear Factor) to introduce higher stakes for this discussion. It's time for the candidates to put some skin in the game.

I will be asking serious questions of our candidates. If they hem, haw, fudge, doublespeak, lie, or just give me an answer I find unsatisfactory, they will pay a price. The price goes up as the offenses are repeated. Let us begin.

Supermod: Senator Obama, Senator McCain. Glad to have you here. It's about time we get some real answers. Let's start on the economy, as that seems to be the hottest issue in this election right now.

McCain: People are hurting and they're angry, and I don't blame them.

Supermod: Did I ask you a question?

McCain: No.

Supermod: Then shuttie.

Obama: (Laughing)

Supermod: Laugh now, while you can. Here comes the first question. Senator Obama, you've regularly stated that your economic training and background exceed that of your opponent. You claim to be the better choice for economic leadership. Yet your proposed budget adds more than $250 billion to the deficit in 2009, and that's before the recent bailout bills. Why more deficits?

Obama: Well, first I'd like to thank Hollywood for hosting us...

Supermod: Zap him.

(Senator Obama receives an electric shock. A mild one.)

Supermod: In the future I suggest you get right to answering the question. You lose your turn. Senator McCain, you've been drilling (haha) your opponent in the media and at rallies for "spreading the wealth", and saying that his progressive tax plan is socialist at heart, is that correct? Again, I suggest you stick to clear and simple answers.

McCain: Yes, that's correct.

Supermod: Do you realize our tax system has been progressive since 1913, under both Republicans and Democrats? And that 40% of Americans today pay no income taxes? And that the top 5% of American earners pay half the income tax in this country, under Republican-generated tax plans? It's already as socialist as anything your opponent would like to propose. So I ask you, is it time for the flat sales tax, so that everybody pays according to consumption and we can eliminate the IRS for good?

McCain: No that wouldn't be fair.

Supermod: Ah I see. This year 40% of Americans aren't paying income taxes, yet they receive benefits from other taxpayers. Isn't that "spreading the wealth"?

McCain: No, this is different. I...

Supermod (interrupting): Bull. Fezzik, jog his memory.

(Andre the Giant returns from the dead and gently nudges McCain's skull, sending him to the floor, unconscious)

Supermod: Well, then... Senator Obama, I guess it's your turn again. How about we switch topics?

Obama (twitching): I'm agreeable to that.

Supermod: Let's talk campaign financing. I heard you raised $150 million in September -- congratulations. Why did you go against your earlier promise to use public financing, with its $85 million total limit? I remind you that the electric shock was merely the beginning... it gets worse from here.

Obama: Well... I changed my mind once I realized how much more money we could raise privately.

Supermod: Honesty! Thank you, Senator. This is an epic moment. Now let's take it a step further. You're the candidate for middle-class America, right?

Obama: That is correct.

Supermod: You care most about the average family in need, right? Not those big corporations and lobbyists?

Obama: Absolutely. I want to help the foundation of our great country -- our families.

Supermod: Excellent. So how much of your $150 million will you be donating to food banks, job placement centers and The Salvation Army? $20 million? $50 million? You could give away $100 million and still outspend your opponent over the next three weeks.

Obama: That's an incredible question, and one I'm honored to answer. It's a complex issue, and there are at least two ways to address it. To begin, I'd like to point out that the notion that somehow my campaign does not care...

Supermod (interrupting): The notion that somehow you'll give away a single dollar of this money strikes me as unlikely. The notion that you personally gave less than 3% of you annual earnings to charity until two years ago when your candidacy became more than dream... well, that's not a notion. That's just fact. Roaches.

Obama: Excuse me?

Supermod: I wasn't talking to you. Lackeys! Bring the roaches. The hissing ones.

(A bucketfull of Madagascar hissing cockroaches is dumped on Senator Obama's head)

Supermod: McCain, you awake yet?

McCain: Mavericky.

Supermod: Close enough. You ready to talk about energy policy?

McCain: Nothing but straight talk here.

Supermod: Yeah, so far it's been as straight as Richard Simmons on disco night. We'll try anyway. "Drill, baby, drill" continues to be a chant at many of your rallies. Yet even the most optimistic forecasts calculate that we can only add 25% to our current production by tapping all available oil discoveries on our soil. And this extra 25% goes to the world market, where it only makes a 3% impact. So at most our gas prices drop 3%, right?

McCain (angry): Maybe.

Supermod: (raises eyebrows)

McCain: Yes. But you're still not accounting for shale oil.

Supermod: Shale oil?

McCain: Yes, shale oil! We have the biggest deposits on the entire planet! Have you heard about that!

Supermod: Of course I have. I didn't ask "shale oil?" because I didn't know about it. I asked because it's a dumb idea and I hoped you'd do better than this.

McCain: ...

Supermod: It's devastating to the environment, it's extremely messy, the resulting oil product is often high in arsenic content, and at the end of the day we're still burning fossil fuels and filling the air with crap. We can spend a few hundred billion in building a shale oil economy to complement our crude oil economy, or we can spend a few hundred billion and get close to moving off oil altogether. Which do you want to do?

McCain: It's a false choice. We can do it all, and at the same time too -- we're Americans!

Supermod: That's enough. Back to you later. Senator Obama, how you doing with those roaches?

Obama: I come from a humble background; I'm no elitist. I can handle roaches.

Supermod: Oh, so you're the guy to connect with lower-income America?

Obama: Certainly. That's my heritage.

Supermod: Excellent. That's going to come in handy for you tonight. We're going to get you up in an airplane, strap a parachute to you, and let you jump down into one of the most pro-Obama regions in the nation. It will be a good example of how you can identify with our soldiers, even though you have no military experience.

Obama: (Sweating). Very well. But what does that have to do with lower-income America?

Supermod: We'll be dropping you into downtown Detroit. Good luck.

Obama: WAIT! I...

(Senator Obama is secured by Jerry Springer bouncers and loaded into a waiting SUV for his adventure)

McCain: (Nervously) ...So I can go?

Supermod: You betcha. In fact, we're going to drop you at one of your own rallies in a solid "Pro-America" small town. Just your type of crowd. Heh. Hehe.

McCain: C'mon... what's the catch?

Supermod: You'll be going there as a black man.

McCain: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

(More bouncers grab Senator McCain and begin the skin transformation process)

Supermod: Thank you, America, for tuning in. Both of our candidates will get to spend the next several hours learning some empathy for the other side, as they experience the darker sides of their own constituents. You see, we all have problems. Republican, Democrat, Libertarian... there's no perfect party, no perfect solution. So whichever side you're on in this election, remember that neither your candidates nor your policy ideas are all good. And the opponents aren't all bad.

In four years, your life may be slightly different due to which candidate gets elected. Either man may be able to shape laws and policies to impact your day-to-day existence. But those impacts pale in comparison to what you do to shape your life over the next four years.

You hope for change? You hope for better days? You hope for enriched family life?

Don't hope. Choose.

Here we go again...

2008-10-18T21:47:00.003-05:00

Do you have those parts of yourself that you don't like, and then you see those parts resurface time and again and it ticks you off every time it happens? And you can't believe you still have that same old thorn in your flesh after all these previous lessons?

So here I go again. I promised two more blog posts on the economy, even though earlier this year I promised to quit promising stuff. Because life changes, things get in the way, the muse passes and then I can no longer write what was on the tip of my tongue just days before.

My whole family got a stomach illness last week, starting with Jack on Monday and ending with Samantha on Friday. I'm woefully behind at work and scrambling to put together bible lessons for church. I'm pretty much in survival mode.

I still have the knowledge that would have enabled me to write my planned postings on the economy, but for me to get it in writing takes timing, inspiration and something mysterious that just says, "it's time". And right now those things aren't there.

For those of you I speak with on the phone or see in person from time to time, I'd be happy to talk you through any economic stuff you're curious about. But for now my writing on the topic is closing.

I would promise to quit promising stuff, but something tells me I'd regret that later!

Economy part 1 -- the real root of our problems, and nobody's talking about it

2008-10-12T21:05:00.001-05:00

As promised, here's part one of a three-part series on the economy. Tonight I write about what I believe is one of the key underlying contributors to the economic troubles we're experiencing today -- low productivity growth, a weaker dollar, high gas prices, failing banks and mortgage companies, national debt, etc...

Debby was correct with one of her comments on a previous post, saying that the root of economic crisis is often greed and entitlement. While that may be true, I'm not even remotely hopeful in ever changing that part of the human condition. What I'd rather do is channel that reality of greed into a more constructive, contributing workforce. First, though, a small aside to set the stage:

Aside #1 -- The Shell Game

Have you ever seen a guy doing the shell game on a sidwalk somewhere, maybe in New York City or Las Vegas. They're shuffling three shells around on a table or boxtop, and underneath one of the shells is a little rubber ball? They move slowly for a while, letting you feel confident you can follow the ball, but once money is being bet they always, always win. They do this one of two ways:

1) They move so fast during a game when an actual bet is placed, you have to make a pure guess about which shell the ball is under. So you only have a 33% chance of guessing the correct shell.
2) Well, you would have a 33% chance... if the ball was actually under any of the shells. Most gamemasters do a lightning-fast trick at the beginning of the game and hide the ball in the hand or up their sleeve, so the ball isn't actually in play at all. They'll sneak the ball back under a different shell (one you didn't pick) at the end of the game for the "reveal".

Here's a video to show you -- and this completes the aside:

Back to the topic at hand.

The foundational strength of an economy is in its ability to make consistent gains in productivity. That's it. To keep making more products, more services, more new jobs, and to do it faster and cheaper than the previous year. This is how the standard of living goes up.

Yes, these gains can be compromised and sometimes even erased by other factors (tax policies, government spending), but you have to at least start with solid gains in productivity. No policy in the world can help an economy that isn't using innovation and hard work to grow.

McCain and Obama have repeatedly stated that the US has many of the best and brightest people on the planet. As a US citizen I'm very biased but generally I agree. We've got tons of sharp people in America today.

But what types of jobs are our best and brightest choosing today? Do they become doctors and lawyers, extending our lives and defending our rights? Yes, some do. Do the most innovative and brilliant go into management and build businesses that create new jobs? Yes, some do, thankfully. These are all things that contribute strongly to growth in productivity.

But for a couple of decades we've been sending more and more of our brightest into financial jobs -- namely investment banking and brokerage. In other words, instead of building new things, extending life or creating jobs, our best and brightest are merely trading stocks of other companies that do that stuff.

Aside #2 -- My own experience

I got my MBA about 10 years ago, and it was a very intense program with lots of super-brilliant people. I was the youngest student so I was never going to be the superstar of the class -- my career experience was too lacking (read: non-existent).

But many other students had solid business experience even before the MBA. And by the time we approached graduation, they were both highly-trained and highly-experienced. They were the superstars. And what jobs did they pick? All four of the top students went to Enron, because at the time they were offering the most money. The students became energy traders, essentially "moving" kilowatts around the country to take advantage of price differentials. It was a shell game. They weren't actually creating anything of value -- it was a mirage covered by lots of fast motion and activity, but in the end only the gamemasters (Enron executives) were the winners. The students' talents were being wasted. Everyone else in the economy lost out while the best and brightest chased the money.

Aside over.

Am I saying that investment bankers and brokers are only playing shell games and don't provide any value to the economy? No, of course not. In my opinion, they provide a few very important services:

1) General financial advice and education to us non-expert people
2) Corporate research that gives us more transparency into which companies are solid and which are not, and as a result, which stocks might be good buys
3) Market trading programs and systems that help more investments happen faster, cheaper and more accurately

Note that one thing I didn't put in the list is how these guys create managed mutual funds for us to buy. It's a controversial topic, to be sure, but an analysis of history hasn't been kind to mutual fund performance. In general they don't do well compared to index funds which merely follow the market as a whole. Yet the management of mutual funds is where the industry makes its huge, huge money. Even though the vast majority of fund managers don't even beat the market. That part is a shell game, becuase the fund manager is guaranteed to win with big salaries and sometimes big bonuses, even if their own fund loses money. And if their fund actually makes money? Then the bonuses enter into "ridiculous" territory.

Investment bankers and brokers do deliver a service, in the three items I just listed above. But are the benefits of that list big enough and important enough to take up the efforts of our country's best and brightest? Who will design the next breakthroughs in consumer technology? Who will help find smart, profitable and sustainable uses of alternative energy? Who will get involved in public service and help this government solve the complicated mess of healthcare and social security?

There are so many big, pressing, tough issues facing us over the next decade. Just like every decade. And we need our best and brightest working on those problems, not on how to leverage a hedge fund.

I'll close with a final aside, then I'm done for today.

Aside #3 -- Does following the money really work?

More of my experience from the MBA program. I didn't go to Harvard but we used many of their case studies in our curriculum. One of their most fascinating stories was about themselves.

You see, for over 35 years Harvard has been polling its alumni on what their dreams are for their career. They've also been polling to see how many people actually followed their dreams after getting their MBA, and how many graduates just took big money and "settled" for a safe, secure job.

What they've found is that long-term, over an entire career, the people who followed the money actually made less of it than their dream-following peers.

Lesson: Follow your dream. Use your talents. It will inherently tend to do the most good for the most people, lifting all of us up. That's how an economy, and a culture, grows. Oh, and by the way, you'll make more money too. So if you want to help people, follow your dream. And if you're just greedy and want to make money? Follow your dream.

More on economy coming

2008-10-11T12:58:00.002-05:00

Sorry it's been over a week since I've posted -- the financial crisis has kept me plenty busy. I've been spending a lot of time over the past 10 days reading and researching more about what we're facing, both in terms of what has caused it and what kinds of things we can do about it now.

Almost nothing has changed from what I wrote here 10 days ago. It's one of those times when I hate being right.

When I haven't been reading/researching, I've been talking to banking executives (it's my job -- I'm a consultant/sales manager to bankers). In particular I've had a couple of very good, deep conversations with bank CEOs about how the next six to twelve months are looking for them. It ain't pretty and there's no quick/fast road back, no matter what our current President says. Rule of the harvest, remember?

My buddy James has implored me to write more about the economy, so that's exactly what I'll do. Over the next three days, I'll write on these three topics:

1) The real root of the problem (and the solution) that nobody is talking about
2) Tracing the life of a mortgage, in layman's terms
3) Who's to blame (everybody) and who in Washington has the fix (nobody)

Sounds cheery, huh? Don't worry, I'm not a fearmonger. I just try to be a realist.

Example: In this weeks' presidential debate, Tom Brokaw asked the candidates, "Is it going to get worse before it gets better??"

Obama and McCain both chickened out and gave long answers that meant nothing.

My answer would be "Yes. But it will get better."

Rambling thoughts on...

2008-10-01T10:17:00.003-05:00

Storm Lessons

-- Electricity is a very, very good thing. I've heard rumors that people actually lived in Houston before the days of air conditioning, but surely those aren't true. Or those people were insane.

-- There are a few catalysts in life for making people's true colors shine through. Things that help you see right to the core of a person. One is stress. Another is when a stoplight blows away and a major intersection becomes a four-way stop. I used to think our city was metropolitan and "with it". Now I've seen the true colors and realize that we have millions of idiot savants who can somehow have the profession to afford a nice car, yet can't figure out when it's their turn to go through an intersection.

-- When the heat is on and food/ice are scarse, life gets real simple. Put another way, the mind doesn't ponder the deeper mysteries of existentialism when it's busy finding a way to make sure the body continues to exist.

-- Whomever thinks that the hurricane put Houston back in 1940s-era lifestyle is forgetting about cellphones.

-- Most people are good. We saw lots of helping hands and selfless acts, and very few angry line-breakers.

Economic Theories

Some people have asked me what I think about the current market volatility, bank failures and federal bailout plans. I practically had a double-major with economics and International Business in college, and my MBA had a lot of training in economics as well, so I know at least a little about what's going on. But I'm by no means an expert. Not that it matters, because not even the experts can predict something as complex and multi-faceted as our economy. And I'm not objective either and I'm perfectly willing to admit that.

Most of my education and training was in the "Chicago style" of economics, the free-market spirit of Milton Friedman. In other words, when it comes to the economy I was trained by fiscal libertarians, people who think the market almost always works better, faster and cheaper than any government entity we might try to use to accomplish things. For the most part I still agree with that. So now you know my bias.

I look at our current situation and think of the rule of the harvest. We reap what we sow. The seasons are the seasons -- we can't change them and must work within them. And if we don't plant our crops in the spring, there won't be any food in the winter. No shortcuts or well-wishing can change it. You can't grow a crop in a week. The rule of the harvest.

I look at our country's economy and see that the inflation-adjusted income of 95% of Americans has fallen consistently for over a decade. Yet the average size of homes continues to increase. So we keep making less yet buying bigger houses. Our national savings rate is negative, and has been for some time. Add up all our citizens and we spend more than we make, at a personal level.

No surprise that the same is true at the government level. Our national debt is over $4.5 Trillion to outside countries/investors, and we owe another $5 Trillion to ourselves in future expenses that are coming, mostly in Social Security and Medicare. So that's almost $10Trillion in the hole. To put that in perspective:

-- The entire Gross Domestic Product of our country is around $15 Trillion. That's the value of all goods and services all of our citizens produce in a year. So if no American eats or buys anything and sends every penny of income to pay for Uncle Sam's debts staring January 1, 2009, we can finally pay things off and have our first meal nine months later.

-- There has never in American history been a period of such high government spending with such low tax revenues. The past several years are unprecedented. We've added another $500 billion to our debt each and every year for the past few years. The government's spending money it doesn't have. And how do they react? In February of this year they gave us all a big tax rebate and asked us to spend it to wake up the economy! They increased the deficit even further at the national level, and encouraged low savings at the personal level!

-- To cheer you up more, analysts estimate that the Iraq war is costing us almost $15 billion a month. 50 bucks per month per man, woman and child in the country, and it adds up pretty quick. In the end we'll probably have spent at least $3 trillion on the war.

The rule of the harvest says that at some point this will end, and it will be very, very painful. Eventually the balance will shift and we will be forced to reach equillibrium. It's called contraction, recession, even depression... whatever, our economic growth over the past decade has been largely illusional and driven by money we don't actually have. So we have to pay for today's growth with tomorrow's money. And with the news coming in lately, tomorrow might have arrived.

What's it mean in real terms? Our taxes will go up. Period. Doesn't matter which party wins the election, taxes have to go up, because we just can't cut a lot of the government expenses. Yes, I know the candidates talk about "pork barrel spending bills" and how they'll cut them, but the fact is that over 50% of federal spending is categorized as "mandatory", and that percentage continues to grow rapidly. In other words it's locked in and we can't touch it. Thirty years ago less than 30% of the federal budget was locked in. So we're more inflexible than ever. Think of Uncle Sam as a household -- his mortgage is getting bigger and bigger while his income is dropping. He can cut the kids' clothing expenses and maybe buy cheaper food, but the biggest expense, the house payment, is fixed.

So 53% of the budget is alreadly locked in. Oh yeah, and 9% this year went to pay interest on all that national debt I mentioned earlier. So less than 40% of our federal budget goes to all the "discretionary" activities. Things like education, transportation, the justice system, environmental research and veterans' benefits. Which ones do you want to cut? Now you see why the candidates keep dodging this question in the debates. The rule of the harvest. We bought things with money we didn't have, and now it's time to pay. With interest. It's going to hurt, but there's no sense complaining or finger-pointing. Let's just knuckle down and admit that it's going to hurt.

The economic crisis is not a surprise -- Henry Paulson (Treasury Secretary) said last week that the bailout plan is something they've been working on for months. I'm sure they were hoping for it to pop after the election, but not even they can control the market timing that well.

Which brings me back to the beginning, and the role of government intervention in the economy. I've been trained to believe that the market is smarter than the government, and I still believe it. So Mr. Paulson can keep his bailout plans -- I don't like them. If a business took on too much risk and might fail, let it fail. Let the price be paid by them, not the taxpayer. If there is value to be had in these banks on the brink, then a private buyer will show up. The market is smart. Warren Buffet just invested $5 billion in Goldman Sachs -- that's infinitely better than a government bailout. If a bank is in trouble but has inherent value, a buyer will show up and see the opportunity. If a bank is in trouble but has no inherent value, it needs to crash and burn. A government bailout is too expensive both monetarily ($700 billion?) and ethically (hey, go ahead and run a bad business and we'll step in to save you).

Rule of the harvest. If you didn't sow good seeds, then the reaping will suck. Sorry. No shortcuts.

How's that for a ramble?

In my next post I'll write about the true root of our economic problems. Hint: it's not the government. Or banks.

Kansas trip -- recap in pictures

2008-09-28T21:12:00.002-05:00

We've been back at home for a week now, but life has been crazy and things are still far from normal in Houston. Plenty of places still don't have power. Plenty of stoplights are still not working, which makes traffic even worse than usual. My office building was damaged and out of power until late last week, so tomorrow will finally be my first day back at work. Samantha's school was out of power as well, and she starts back tomorrow too.

First things first, though. I'd like to share photos of our week in Kansas with my parents. It was a beautiful week -- an unexpected hiatus with family.

We packed so quickly for the trip (to get out of Houston before sundown/curfew, at which point the police would have probably turned us around and sent us home) that we forgot a few items. Things like Samantha's shoes and Jack's pajamas. So during our first day in Kansas we went to Target to get some things. Jack got Superman PJ's and put them on immediately. We played outside non-stop until bedtime -- a perfect midwest autumn evening:

First Day Pictures

Mo had a great time with the Kansas terriers -- Opie and Andy.

Mo

Andy

On Tuesday morning we went to a nearby playground, where 3yo Jack showed only a tiny bit of fear, and plenty of coordination, while descending the fire pole:

Playground

Later in the week Jamie took the kids to a farm/petting zoo while I helped Mom with some chores.

Farm pictures

On Thursday night we met up with local friends and went to dinner and bowling. Samantha bowled over 90 in both games and hardly ever used the bumpers! My buddies and I had a good time making up funny names for ourselves, and in the final pic I circled my choking performance that sunk what could have been a great game.

Dinner/Bowling

On our last day the kids played football and then we went to my dad's annual company party. Although there were fun activities there for kids, I think their favorite was when their PawPaw gave them rides on the dolly. We also got a family caricature portrait done. So completeth the update!

Last Day

Made it!

2008-09-14T10:53:00.003-05:00

We're here in Kansas, happy and exhausted. Here's a rundown on the past three nights:

Thursday: measuring, cutting and mounting plywood on the windows until midnight
Friday: huddling in the bedroom and listening to the incredible 100+ mph winds all night
Saturday: leaving our house at 5:30 pm and driving non-stop to Kansas City (via Waco... not a direct path but it avoided flooded areas), arriving just after 7am

Time to sleep tonight! We are very blessed. We are comfortable, laughing, and who knew that Mo the schnauzer would be instant best friends with the terriers Opie and Andy? I don't think Mo's gonna go willingly with us to return home whenever it's time.

Speaking of that, we don't have a clue when it will be time to go back to Houston. But we'd prefer to wait until things like power and water are functional again. We're still thinking about the millions staying there and we hope they make the best of it and continuing looking out for their neighbors.

I continue to be impressed and proud of our city. Yesterday morning the streets around our house were all impassable because of downed trees. By afternoon the streets were clear, and it wasn't because of official city crews. No offense to the crews, I'm sure they would have done an excellent job, but the citizens got there first!

Change of plans

2008-09-13T16:16:00.002-05:00

So things aren't all that comfy after all -- the temperature has been much higher than initially forecast. They're saying that it will be in the 90s for the next two days, with obviously ultra-high humidity.

We're packing to head out of Houston. Plan is to start out going west where the roads are open and the storm impact was smaller, then head north, through Waco and eventually into Kansas to see my parents.

It's an odd route but a much safer one than trying to go due north or northeast out of Houston. Those areas were hit too hard and probably have road issues.

Power is almost sure to be out for quite a while here, so it's not like we'll drive for a day then find out Samantha has school on Tuesday. I doubt there'll be any school next week at all around here.

The adventure continues!

The gang's all here

2008-09-13T09:40:00.002-05:00

We made it just fine. It was definitely a loud, loud night, but Jamie displayed her genius once again and found a battery-powered noisemaker machine that she cranked up on the "white noise" setting. It drowned out much of the lower-level wind sounds, although nothing can drown out the palpable impact of the biggest gusts.

We slept on and off all night, with me and Samantha in the master bed and Jamie/Jack on the inflatable mattress on the floor. It only took about an hour before I turned over to look at Samantha and saw two little feet. She had already turned upside down.

It's warm but not swelteringly so. The rain has slowed enough so that we can open up a couple of windows and get some air moving in the house. We turned the circuit breakers off last night so that no power surges would hurt our appliances/computer/TV/etc...

We don't anticipate power being restored for quite a while. Over the next couple of days we'll eat our food/water, check the radio for news and check on the neighbors. Best case scenario would be to be able to leave the city on Monday and head north somewhere, but that will require confirmation of clear roads and available gas.

I'm on a national wireless network card that I just got at the office last week -- good timing! My battery power is limited on the laptop so I don't plan on posting again today. Just wanted everyone to know we're fine and the intense storm-phase is over. Now it's time to take it easy, try to be as comfortable as possible, and wait to see the timeline for the city's restoration of basic services.

Later!

Ready as possible for Hurricane Ike

2008-09-12T10:59:00.004-05:00

Several people have called/emailed wondering if I am in an evacuation zone of Houston as Hurricane Ike approaches.

We are not in an official evacuation zone as we're about 50 miles inland from the coast (our zip is 77035 for you map geeks out there). It's 11am on Friday right now and starting to get pretty breezy, but it's still hot and sunny. Scheduled time for the hurricane to hit our area is about 1am Saturday, although from this afternoon forward we'll have constant winds over 50mph. So our prep needed to get finished by now, and fortunately it is.

The exposed windows of the house are boarded up with plywood. We have plenty of food and water to last several days. The storm itself will be intense tonight but my family will all huddle together in our bedroom and sorta have an indoor campout. Total psychological manipulation to make it as fun as possible for the kids, but that's what parents do! :)

If I had to guess I'd say the recent turns of the storm help us out in Houston. It looks to me like we won't be on the east ("dirty") side of the hurricane's eye. If anything we'll be dead center although there's a slight possibility we'll be on the west side of the eye, which is much better.

Yes, it'll be a night of howling wind and lots of sideways rain, but we've followed all the recommended steps to get ready. We're almost certain to lose power for at least a day or two, and possibly even a week, so don't be alarmed if I don't post again for a while. Cell phones will be my way to keep in touch with people.

Ike will speed up as it hits land, so by Sunday it will be in Arkansas, and by Monday it could be in Indiana. This means that if we lose power and get uncomfortable, we can always head out of town on Monday. Both vehicles are full of gas and we've got family in east Texas, Louisiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma and Kansas, and we have no qualms about inviting ourselves over to see any of them.

Hopefully pretty soon things will be back to normal and I'll be posting deep thoughts once again. This blog has now come full circle -- some of my very first posts revolved around the chaos from Hurricane Rita three years ago. Most of that chaos was due to our attempted evacuations, not the storm itself. We're not repeating that this time.

For everybody else out there in the Houston/Galveston area -- stay safe!

Where religion and politics collide -- intro

2008-08-27T15:04:00.007-05:00

I've been posting a lot lately about religion and politics, but not together. Yet of course they're very linked. Look at how many things they have in common:

1) People get very emotional about both
2) Both are polarizing issues, creating an "us vs. them" dynamic
3) Both are subjective, creating a system where endless debate can take place with no one ever definitively "winning"

Here in Texas we have a very specialized style of religously political worldviews, where people blend their faith with politics in an amazing way. I think that if Jesus came back tomorrow, many Texans would assume that he:

1) Would be a staunch Republican and would denounce liberals
2) Would get heavily involved in the political system
3) Would be American-centric, naturally, because we are the Christian nation
4) Would bring along George Washington, team up with Chuck Norris, and blast the Muslims into the fires of hell, ushering in a golden age of American rule through the power of God

Okay, so I went a little far with that last one. But it's not far from the kinds of things I hear down here. What I want to address, though, is points 1 through 3.

Jesus lived in a time of political oppression. The Romans weren't the worst rulers in the history of the world but they weren't perfect either. The murder of Jesus, the stoning of Stephen, the jailings of Paul... all of these happened under forms of Roman law. Slavery was legal, as was prostitution -- two things we have outlawed in our country.

Yet Jesus made a fuss of none of that. Rather than appearing staunchly conservative in his political views, he appeared to be utterly apathetic about politics. He focused on the small, the local, the personal, and said the government serves its purposes but it can't fix problems of the heart.

Fast forward to today. I often hear it said, either directly or indirectly, that to call myself a Christian must automatically mean I'm in a certain political party, with certain political views. I struggle to see the basis for this. For example:

-- Benevolence and giving to the needy are good, biblical principles. Yet somehow the very idea of governmental wealth redistribution (a.k.a. tiered taxation, welfare, etc...) is anti-Christian and it just coddles lazy people.

-- Killing and murder are bad things, and human life is highly valued in the bible. Yet somehow if a government official speaks about peace and troop withdrawals, he or she is a weakling and doesn't have the guts to fight evil and kill our enemies, the way a good Christian would.

-- The bible says we should speak in loving truth to one another, yet somehow today it's okay to spread vicious rumors and even outright lies about people if it's for the greater good of getting "our people" elected into office.

I think some of these things can be traced back to our picture of America and its roots. Some people of faith seem to think that we have always been a conservative Protestant country, with the founding fathers almost being a roomful of Baptist ministers, invoking Christianity into the very fabric of our union.

It's just not true. Here are a few tidbits, but my next post will cover our nation's heritage in more detail:

-- "In God We Trust" didn't appear on our currency until 100 years after our country began
-- The pledge of allegiance was written in 1892 by Francis Bellamy, a Baptist preacher, but even he didn't include the words "Under God" in the pledge. Those words weren't added until 1954.
-- Francis Bellamy was a Socialist.

Several weeks ago at work I received an email describing the many ways we are a Christian nation. I took some time and debunked the entire email, showing point-by-point how it was filled with falsehoods. I will show that email in my next post.

I do not do this purely as a critique or an attack -- my intentions are positive. I ultimately want to focus on some of the things Christians may be able to rally around and support, and how they can be a force of unity in a politically-polarized time. And I want it all to be based on historical truth, not fiction.

Stay tuned!

Forgiveness (continued)

2008-08-21T13:51:00.005-05:00

I've been thinking more about the topic of forgiveness. My last post mentioned how shocked I was that my opinions, and my experiences, of forgiveness were so different than many of the members in my bible class at church.

Eventually I realized that their opinions were exactly what my own would have been a few years ago. And that the way we feel about forgiving each other is inexorably tied to how we think God forgives. Jesus said that the two greatest commands were:

1) Love God with all you've got
2) Love your neighbor as yourself.

He said everything hangs on these. And they're melded together. Whatever I think about God will inevitably shape how I treat my fellow man. If I think the God of the Old Testament is waiting to send fire on the sinners, I might forcefully protest at a solider's funeral or a gay wedding and get the warning out. I become a smaller, flawed extension of the God I perceive. That's what many Christians mean when they quote things like Ephesians 3 and say that God is "at work within us".

So I considered that if I think God will send the vast majority of people to eternal torment, how will that impact the way I forgive other people here on earth? Can I truly "give it up to God" and offer pure, total forgiveness to people if I think that the creator of the universe is going to punish? Or am I merely waiting on them to "get theirs" when judgment day comes?

I can't answer for anyone else. I don't know where my bible class participants sit on this issue. But for me, when I thought God would punish in eternity, I could never really 100% forgive people here on earth. Couldn't do it.

Then I thought about some biblical examples of forgiveness, from Jesus himself. This isn't an exhaustive list, but it got me thinking:

#1 -- The Adulteress

In John chapter 8 Jesus is teaching in the temple courts when the religious leaders bring a woman to him. They claim the woman is caught in adultery, and according to Mosaic law she must be killed by stoning. Jesus responded at first with silence and started to write in the dirt, but eventually he uttered the famous "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Everybody left, ashamed. Later he looked up and the woman was still standing there, surely shocked that she was still alive. The scene ends with this exchange:

Jesus: "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
Woman: "No one, sir."
Jesus: "Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin."

#2 -- The Murderers

In Luke 23 we see the death of Jesus. Correction -- the murder of Jesus. He was in his early 30s and was apparently healthy until being severely beaten and hung on a cross to suffocate. And here was the Messiah, the son of God, the blameless one, being brutally killed for no justifiable reason. Surely if there was an unforgiveable sin, this would be it. The God of thunder would come charging in. Retribution would be swift and brutal. Justice would be served. So what did Jesus say?

"Father forgive them, for they know not what they do."

#3 -- The Doubters

So Jesus was killed. And in the events leading up to his death, his disciples, his closest friends, disappeared from the picture. Most we just don't hear about during and immediately after the crucifixion, except that John was near the cross while Jesus died. And that Peter was elsewhere in the city, denying that he even knew Jesus.

In John 20 we get a glimpse of the disciples three days after Jesus was buried, and they're noted to be locked in a house, fearing for their lives. Not exactly a stirring tribute.

Jesus appears to them multiple times and the final time he asks them to meet him on a mountain in Galilee. Matthew 28 notes that even now, when they saw him, they doubted.

These men had every possible advantage of belief. They'd been with Jesus 24/7 for three years. They'd seen him face-to-face and heard his direct teachings. They'd seen him alive again after being killed. Yet still they doubted.

And if there was any sense of repentance necessary here, any requirement to make things right, Matthew 28 doesn't have a record of it. Jesus just asked his friends to get to work.

Conclusion

One thing strikes me as a common theme across these stories -- none of the screwed up people actually asked for forgiveness. They just received it. Yes, Jesus told the woman to leave her life of sin, but after he said he didn't condemn her. Forgiveness came first, then a new life could begin.

My former picture was that I had to repent and follow the steps to salvation, in order to receive forgiveness. That was how I saw God interacting with me. So in turn, when it was my time to forgive someone who had hurt me, they had to ask for it first. My forgiveness was conditional, naturally, because I thought God's was too. How could I hold myself to a higher standard than what I thought God would provide?

I admit that this might be merely my own personal weakness. Others may be able to forgive others ceaselessly in this life, even if they think God will condemn them in the next. But for me, I had to remember those greatest commands, and that above all I am to love my neighbor as myself. To forgive them without ceasing. And if my treatment of people depends on my picture of God, I chose to picture God providing forgiveness without ceasing. They my own forgiveness flowed to others naturally.

I may be wrong about all this. Other bible verses can surely be cited to conflict with the three stories noted above. But my perspective has helped me better fulfill the greatest commands, and I think that is a good thing.

Bottom line: When the most heinous act in history was being accomplished, even though the murderers showed no sign of remorse, Jesus said to God, "forgive them." I believe God said, "Done."

Example of my outsider role

2008-08-15T12:19:00.004-05:00

Building on the last post, I thought I'd give you more insight into one of the ways I'm trying to serve as a helpful outsider -- my church. I recently attended a Wednesday night class, which isn't all that heavily attended (maybe 75 people, or 20% of the adult members).

The topic was forgiveness. As the class discussion developed I found that I disagreed with almost every single point that was being made, either by the teacher or the class members. It seemed like a loving and open forum, so I began gently sharing my perspective and seeing what would come out of it. All in all it went pretty well -- here are some examples:

__________________________________________
Class point: We can forgive a person, but we don't forget. In the future we will be more cautious with someone who has hurt us.

My response: I understand what you're saying, and in truth that's probably the way I live. But Jesus said that if someone hits me in the face, I'm not supposed to forgive and then stay at arms' length away from the person. I'm supposed to turn my other cheek, to make myself vulnerable, to act as if the first punch never happened and throw myself right back out there, believing the best of people. I get the point that we go into self-protection mode after somebody hurts us. I do that all the time. But I don't think that's what Jesus taught.
__________________________________________

Class point: I cannot forgive someone for the wrong they've done to someone else. So if my friend lies to his parents, and he comes to me grieving and repentant, it's not my place to forgive. He has to go straight to his parents, those who were wronged, to make it right.

My response: I don't agree. When someone comes to us in confession and heartache, they know intuitively that my forgiveness won't make the situation go away. That friend will know that he has to talk to his parents. But I still have a role as the listener, and I think that role is to draw near and offer the idea that forgiveness and acceptance are possible no matter what kind of damage was done. My role is to say, "I forgive you for that. There is nothing you can do that will stop me from loving you as my friend." They need that. Then of course at some point they should begin the healing process with the parties who were involved. But my acceptance of my friend is not conditional on whether other people are forgiving him. I forgive him, and I accept him and love him anyway.
___________________________________________

Class point: We should forgive because we are not the judge -- God is. If we can just forgive people in this life, God will take care of the justice in the life to come.

My response: I don't think this concept of delayed justice serves us well, and in my experience it's just not the way the world works. If I cause a lot of pain for someone else, I pay for that. Here. In this life. I'd guess that God built this law into the universe, like the law of gravity. When you cause pain you get pain.

Take the Nazi officer we discussed earlier (the teacher opened class with a story of a man who had killed hundreds of Jews, then on his deathbed asked for forgiveness from a nurse). Even if the nurse forgave him for it, there's nothing cheap in that type of confession. There's no way that the man ruthlessley killed families and then coasted along happily for 40 years until one day he decided to repent. My guess is that he lived an absolutely tortured life after what he'd done.

(The teacher verified that indeed the man had been in constant torment over his guilt)

Again, in my limited experience this is the way our world seems to work. When you cause pain, you receive pain. That's why I can offer forgiveness to someone -- they're already in agony over what they've done. Who am I to add to that by witholding forgiveness?
__________________________________________

Class point: If we don't forgive people, we suffer more than they do. Forgiveness is as much for us as it is for them, so that we can move on with no baggage. This is why we should forgive.

My response: I agree that when we forgive people, we ourselves receive benefit. But I don't think this is the reason to do it -- that approach sounds pretty selfish and I don't think it'd actually work in a practical sense. If I'm only forgiving someone so that I'll feel better, is that actually the spirit we're supposed to have? Is that genuine forgiveness, if it's about me?
__________________________________________

At that point I stopped my comments because I couldn't quite get a feel for how people were taking them. It was interesting, though, that later on the teacher told a story about the Dalai Lama and the Tibetan monks who continue to undergo persecution from China. One monk told the Dalai Lama that after 20 years of being held captive, he suddenly began to be very afraid. "Of what?", the Dalai asked. The monk responded, "I was afraid that I was about to lose my compassion for the Chinese."

How ironic that in this class filled with people who've faithfully attended church for decades, the most Christian thing I heard during the entire hour was a quote from a Buddhist!

My goal is not to nitpick or cause trouble -- I want to follow up every disagreement with a proposal for something positive. That's what I tried to do in class, and that's what I commit to doing here in the blog. If I have a criticism of something, I must offer a better alternative or keep my mouth shut.

My pattern as an outsider

2008-08-12T13:10:00.001-05:00

My lack of writing has been eating at me, so here goes nuthin.

In the comments of my last post one of my friends teasingly called me a "fence-sitter". It was just a joke, but like the best jokes, there was a ring of truth to it. The fact remains that in many of the very volatile areas of debate (politics, religion, money) I tend to sit on the sidelines and find at least something in common with just about every perspective. The more I thought about it the more I realized I've always been that way.

In high school the big deal is which "crowd" you are a part of. Jock, nerd, goth, bimbo... they all have a crowd. I never picked a crowd and instead lived as a floater, a nomad. One day I'd eat lunch with the jocks, next day I'd eat with the brains, then move to the funny table. I was very good at making acquaintances with everybody, but I never had any really close friends. There was always a distance there... I sat on the fence and watched the cliques form.

In churches I've seen huge battles between the "conservatives" and the "liberals". Some of these happened while I was serving in a formal church role, but even then I'd sort of sit outside the debate, hoping we could just love each other and let it go.

Most of the personality tests I've taken (and as a part of business school, I took many) showed me to be a "chameleon", a person who switches among all personality types depending on the setting. Everybody does this at some level, I think, but I can almost reinvent myself from moment to moment, conversation to conversation. It's fun but it always leaves me at the edges, never completely invested in any one social group.

The fact that I'm on the edge, or on the fence, or on the sidelines, doesn't mean that I don't participate. I just participate in my own way, often a very subtle way, so subtle that some people may interpret as missing the game.

I think the world needs people who pick a team and go full-steam ahead with their perspectives. People like that have a way of getting big things done. And the people on the other team, moving full-steam ahead in the opposite direction, have a way of tempering the first group and keeping them from going too far, too fast. Republican/Democrat checks and balances are one example of this dynamic at work.

At the same time, I think the world needs people who don't fit into the main two camps. People who who don't care about picking a team but love analyzing the game and identifying trends in the sport as a whole. That's me.

The two games that I'm watching right now are politics and religion. I'm seeing huge battles in each. And in neither case am I going to pick a team. But I think I still have something to contribute.

Another explosive topic

2008-07-25T14:01:00.003-05:00

Politics. It's that time again in our country, and it seems every time I turn around I'm hearing someone ranting, pontificating or arguing about the upcoming Presidential election. I figured I should join in as well.

Don't worry. Gimme a shot here and see if this is different than the political opinions you usually come across.

If you're like me, then 95% of all political discussions you hear are simply attacks on the "other" side. Nobody ever seems to tell me why they like a candidate -- only how evil the other guy (or gal, while Hillary was in the game) obviously is.

I don't do that. It angers me, and is playing right into the hands of our modern media. They know that happy times and supporting storylines don't get the high ratings. If a TV station or website wants the big bucks, they need to break scandals and tap into the more bitter, empassioned instincts within us.

So I won't do any attacking here. No criticisms at all. I won't even tell you which candidate I like. I'm simply going to list all the ways I agree with what each side (Democrat/Republican) uses as common talking points. Here we go:

Republicans often say that our country is in pretty good shape, that we're the best country in the world and are not in need of massive overhaul. I agree. Our economy, civil rights and safety are higher than almost any other time in our nation's history. See this article by Gregg Easterbrook for more detail.

Democrats often say that it's time for change, and that our country needs to shift gears in some major areas. I agree. Our economy is showing some signs of real weakness and is far too dependent on foregin oil. Our lower/middle classes are far too represented in prisons and slums. Our resources are being stretched and extended across the world in a way we can't support long-term.

Republicans often say that Senator McCain has proven himself to be a seasoned and effective political leader, a man who can work across party lines to solve problems. I agree. His credentials are impressive and he seems to be a man of integrity and strength. He would probably serve us well as President.

Democrats often say that although Senator Obama's tenure in the Senate has been much shorter than McCain's, he also has an impressive resume. I agree. He has sponsored many very important bills and shown empathy and foresight in making some tough calls and votes.

Republicans often say that McCain can truly relate to mainstream America, and that he really gets it and cares when it comes to the worries of the individual. I agree. He genuinely seems to care about people, and I think that is a core part of what makes him an attractive candidate.

Democrats often say that Obama's eloquence and intelligence allow him to inspire great crowds of people, and that this kind of charisma would bring many benefits to our country. I agree. He is a powerfully effective speaker, and envisioning that type of person representing our country is an attractive thought.

This is the way I like to talk about politics. Focusing on whom I like, what I want to see, and where I'd wish our country to go.

I hear Democrats using the name "McSame" and berating the man for the occassional verbal slip, basically saying he's as smart as a bag of walnuts. C'mon now.

I hear Republicans using the name "Osama' and berating the man for his race and his popularity, basically saying he's the antichrist just waiting to emerge. C'mon now.

We can do better.

That'll teach me to tease you

2008-07-22T20:44:00.003-05:00

Life has been happening way, way too fast lately. There hasn't been much time to write the posts I promised I would.

When I finally sat down to write them, they didn't feel right anymore. They were perfect a few weeks ago and all ready in my head, but now they feel forced.

Along with the fast pace of life, my own spirit and inspiration seem to constantly be evolving. So I can't really write what I wanted to a few weeks ago, because I'm not that same guy anymore. Do you experience that too?

My muse has shifted. I'm not sure what'll hit me next for a blog topic. We'll see!

Please forgive me for the prior teasing about the upcoming topics. Hopefully I've learned my lesson. :)

Odds and ends

2008-07-03T14:23:00.002-05:00

Time to steal an idea from my sister-in-law and just catch up on some things.

#1 -- My dad's music

I just got a cool package in the mail this week -- two homemade music CDs from my dad. One is a rock mix and the other is Brad Paisley.

I am not a country guy. At all. But I've listened to the Brad Paisley CD twice now and must admit I really like it! He's hilarious and can also really play guitar.

The rock CD is hilarious because I truly am my dad's son. The mix includes everything from Rihanna to The Doobie Brothers, from David Archuletta to Jimi Hendrix.

My brother likes Korn and Sir Mix-a-Lot. We're weird.

Life with a 5-year-old -- recent quotes

Church minister: So you see kids, David didn't need swords, shields, spears or armor to defeat Goliath! All he needed was God!
Samantha: And a slingshot.
Me (quietly to Samantha): Good point.

Me, playing with my son Jack: I'm gonna bonk your head! (I bonk it) I'm gonna bonk your nose! (I do) I'm gonna bonk your shoulder! (done)
Samantha: Bonk his penis!
Me: What?!?
Samantha, quieter, sheepishly: Bonk his penis?
Me: I don't think so.

Possible family addition

It's been a while since I had to put our cats down. We've been petless since, for the first time in our kids' lives, and they've been antsy.

I didn't really think a dog would/could be the next pet. We have several nuances in our home that I saw as limiting factors:

--Small yard and a fence/garage structure that meant the dog would often be loose in the front yard and street area (very low traffic).
--Young, allergic kids (the reason we no longer have cats)
--Hot weather
--Not a lot of time/patience for training a puppy

Earlier this week a lady who works with Jamie's dad mentioned that she rescues dogs and adopts them out. She has a 16-month-old Miniature Schnauzer, male, that she's trying to rehome. So this breed, and this particular dog:

--Won't run away to chase other animals if he gets out into the front yard
--Doesn't shed and is practically hypoallergenic
--Likes to spend most of his time indoors
--Is already pretty well trained, neutered and up-to-date on immunizations
--Is excellent with children (the foster home has a girl Samantha's age)

The lady is bringing him by to "visit" this weekend. We haven't told the kids, so they'll just think she is a friend stopping by, and we won't take the dog unless everything feels right. We'll see what happens!

His story is pretty cool. He was basically abandoned at four months old, and when this lady found him he was very, very sick. Eating his own feces and everything. She cleaned him up and got him healthy, but his spirit was still very terrorized. Every time someone picked him up he peed himself in fear.

Over the past year he has come out of his shell and now loves to play. He still has some timidity and won't make the first move for affection. For instance, if you sit on the couch he may sit on the floor close to you, but he won't jump up there. But if you get down on the floor he knows the game is on and gets very happy.

He sounds sweet, fun and uniquely flawed. He might just fit in around here.

What's on tap -- deep stuff

1. Eastern vs. Western thought -- how we sometimes miss basic points of the bible
2. Free Will, and why I think it may not actually exist
3. Religious people "missing out on the fun", and why I think that's a load

My spiritual assessment

2008-06-30T21:07:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago a former colleague of mine called me up (he's a data analyst) and said he's working on a study for a company that does spiritual consulting and counseling. The company had been crafting a survey tool that would be used with their clients, and they wanted to test it.

Problem was, most of the people in the company were middle-aged women. They needed some diversity for the survey testing. I am not a middle-aged woman, so I could help diversify things. My colleague asked me to take the spiritual assessment for them, and mentioned that I'd receive a full report in return.

He asked if I was interested in taking the survey. Me? Mr. Introspection? Interested in a new glimpse at my strengths and weaknesses? It was like asking an NFL offensive lineman if he'd be interested in a filet mignon.

I took the survey and received my report. It ranked 20 different spiritual "skills" from 0 to 5. Several of my skills were of course somewhere in the middle. Several others were very high (4 or 5). Some were abysmal. Below I'll list my highest-rated skills and my lowest-rated skills, including text from the report. Then I'll tell you my own take on the results:

Highest-rated spiritual skills

Awareness of Own Worldview (Rating: 5)

Report text: You understand and can explain your own worldview. You know that everyone has a worldview and that every worldview has limitations. This keeps you humble and open to learning. You genuinely value other people's perspectives. You are always willing to learn and update your own worldview to include what you learn. Because of this attitude you come across to others as relaxed, interested, open-hearted and open-minded. People find it easy to discuss beliefs with you. Next step: Keep it up! Maintain your spiritual center so that you can stay in this place.

Complexity of Inner Thought Process (Rating: 5)

Report text: You are not likely to hide behind "rules." You understand that outcomes are rarely guaranteed and decisions must be made even when there isn't enough data. You are able to think through highly complex problems and hold apparent conflicting views as simultaneously true. You can find pleasure in this broad perspective and enjoy stretching you mind. Working within the complexity and ambiguity in life situations is normal for you. This is wonderful! Next step: Bring your heart fully into the decision-making process. Your mind is well-developed and reaching for Wisdom. To attain Wisdom your thinking must be informed by Compassion for the suffering, needs, and joys of others affected by your decisions.

Feeling Interconnected with All Life (Rating: 5)

Report text: You are connected to other life. You can stay in open-hearted awareness when someone is in pain. When an animal suffers, you feel sadness. You understand the connection of ecosystems and all life on earth. You are aware that there is complexity in the interconnections of the world - such that sometimes what looks like a "bad" event leads to good things. You also understand that you play a role in creating the life you experience. You know that the consciousness you hold affects the world around you. You realize that the Universe is intelligent and that all energy, matter, time and space are only a part of the larger story. This is a profound level of understanding. Next step: Stay in your heart and feel love and compassion as much of the time as possible. This will help soften the world around you. You know that thoughts help create reality. Affirm the highest and best outcome - this will help to bring it into being.

Awareness of Limitations of Human Perception(Rating: 4)

Report text: You understand that your 5 physical senses and your intuition give you valuable data…AND that whatever you interpret from this data is inherently limited because of how we must filter, sort and interpret information to make sense of it. What we think we "see" is never exactly equal to what is "real." So to some degree we are always responding to our own projections and interpretations - to an illusion of what is real. Next step: Use your spiritual insight to access the highest, least-filtered way of knowing we are capable of. Learn to connect with your "spiritual sight" (insight) through transcendent moments of profound awareness. Mystical practices of any faith tradition can help here. Secular forms of meditation, chanting, sweat lodges, etc. can help if you are not interested in a faith tradition.

Pretty much nailed me on these, I think.. People who know me probably read the above, rolled their eyes and thought, "Yep. That's Michael".

Now on to the ugly:

Lowest-rated spiritual skills

Awareness of Personal Life Purpose (Rating: 1)

Report text: You are clearly intending to live a life that fulfils your highest purpose (mission). But you cannot yet describe your strengths and/or weaknesses. Next step: Ask yourself if you have any natural talents or abilities. Don't be modest about these! Have you worked to discover and develop your strengths/gifts? Are you aware of your weaknesses as well? If you are unsure consider getting input from others who know you well and care about you. Knowing your talents / strengths and weaknesses can help you to think deeply about how you can best make a difference during your lifetime. These are important clues to your purpose. If you are really good at something, or really passionate about something, how can you use
that in service to yourself and others?

Sustaining Faith During Dark Nights of the Soul(Rating: 1)

Report text: You have some confidence in the existence of a Higher Power or a loving, intelligent Universe. You are able to see possible meanings in the events of your life. This is great. Next step: Develop your ability to focus on the positive things in life…develop an "Attitude of Gratitude." Consider a gratitude journal...write at least 3 things in it each day that you are grateful for...try to come up with new ones each day. And set time aside every day to connect with your Higher Power. A relationship requires time and attention to thrive. Read inspiring or sacred texts, listen to uplifting music, pray or meditate. Ask your Highest Self to connect with the love and wisdom of the Universe/Higher Power. Do something every day to put your focus on that which is highest/deepest/wisest.

Self-Compassion(Rating: 0)

Report text: You answered that you "often" or "consistently" hate yourself for unwise decisions - or that you are rarely or never compassionate toward yourself when you fail. Consider that anger and hatred are not very productive. Self-hate comes from the Ego side of our nature...from a false belief that we have to be perfect or "right" all the time. Consider that since it's not possible to be right all the time - hating ourselves for making mistakes seems irrational. If you can have compassion for others why not for yourself? And if you cannot love and forgive yourself - can you TRULY love and forgive others? Learning to love yourself is a gift to everyone else in your life - since it will expand your heart. Next step: The next time you make a mistake INTERRUPT the ego-voice of self-criticism and hatred. Tell it that everyone makes mistakes and you did your best. Then substitute a positive form of self-talk like "I am a wondrous being! I am courageous enough to try and to learn. I love and forgive myself!"

Dang. Nailed me again.

My take

The report has given me a lot to think about. It was very, very accurate in my opinion. Bottom line:

I have a strong sense of connection with others. I love to think deeply and meditate on complex ideas. I know my own approach to faith, and I enjoy understanding other people's approaches.

And I have no freaking clue what to do with any of that. And that makes me angry with me.

I think I'm early in the phase of finding out what I'm supposed to be doing with my skills. Might take a while longer. I don't think it's the kind of thing that can be rushed!

The vacationer returns, with stories and videos

2008-06-23T15:25:00.004-05:00

I'm back! We had a great time on vacation for a full week with extended family. Seventeen people together in a house on the lake!

One quick near-crisis story, then on to the rest of the catch-up:

Shoe-eating monster machine

Me, Jamie and the kids spent our nights at a resort this year, as the lakehouse is a little crowded for our growing family to sleep in. For the most part it worked out great.

On Tuesday after breakfast, we were preparing to leave the resort and go to the lakehouse to be with everybody. Jamie wasn't quite ready yet so I took the kids on a little walk to the resort's big hotel-type lobby. We actually stayed in a cabin so the kids hadn't even seen the lobby yet. It had an escalator. Escalators are awesome to kids -- at least an "8" on the Awesome-Meter. Of course they asked if we could go up and down on them for a while, so I obliged. We had a few minutes to burn.

On our final trip on the "down" escalator, Jack was doing his little Jackie dance that he is always doing. The boy never just stands or sits still, just like any other 3yo boy. Only this time when he kicked his leg back, something went wrong. His flip-flop got wedged into the side of the escalator step. And the flip-flop was getting sucked farther in every second. Jack started to scream.

I saw what was happening and somehow remained fairly level-headed. I could see exactly what needed to be done. First I tried pulling the whole foot/sandal out of the step. No dice. It was really jammed up in there. So far his toes weren't smashed, but they would be in a few more seconds.

Next I tried to get his foot out of the flip-flop. It should've been easy but I couldn't get it! Now my adrenaline was getting ramped up. I twisted and pulled his foot but couldn't remove it from the sandal. Jack was really screaming now. Samantha was too.

Strangely enough, two scenes from Die Hard came to mind at that moment. The first was when John McClaine was on the roof of the Nakatomi building and had tied himself to a fire hose to repel down. It worked, but the the hose came detached from the building and fell, nearly pulling him out a window. He could see exactly how to untie the hose, but couldn't get it loose until the absolute last second.

The second scene was the end when Hans Gruber has a hold of Holly's watch, and he's dangling off the roof. John tries to unclasp the watch, and the simple procedure is made infinitely tougher, and agonizingly slow, due to the pressure of the situation.

That's how I felt. How hard is it to get a kid's foot out of a flip-flop? But I couldn't. Finally I yelled out the loudest S-bomb of my life, belting it out for a good three seconds. That got attention in the lobby, and an employee ran to the emergency button and shut down the escalator.

I got Jack's foot out a millisecond before the shutdown. The toes were rubbed black but no damage was done. The flip-flop was at least halfway disappeared up into the escalator step. Wow, that could've been his foot.

A few more employees came on the scene to ensure we were okay. We were. One guy just had to give me a tip on keeping kids in the middle of the escalator so that this type of thing didn't happen. I refrained from knocking him out, which I'm very proud of.

We never got the flip-flop back. That thing was destroyed.

Other Stuff

On vacation I told a few family members about the "Rise Above This" music video by the band Seether. The lead singer wrote the song for his brother who had been fighting depression and drug addiction for years. Just a few days before he got to show the song to his brother for the first time... it was too late. The singer left all the lyrics the same, hoping to encourage others who are thinking about taking their own life. The video is edited very well:

I also told them about Kid Rock's "Amen". Another interesting one:

And bro, I haven't forgotten about sending you the "Baker Street" music file by the Foo Fighters. I know it's on one of my old MP3 players... I just need to find it!

The deep-thought postings will commence again soon!

Do we really know each other?

2008-06-12T16:12:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow I'm leaving town for our annual summer vacation with extended family. Should be fun! Before then, I've got one more post in me.

All of us understand the concept that we don't always say what we think, all the time to all the people around us. There's a sense of responsbility there, that perhaps our thoughts and words might be rude, offensive, misinterpreted or just plain irrelevant.

The lady in front of you at the grocery store who's on the cell phone and ignoring a question from the cashier? Annoying, but I probably wouldn't say anything. The young boy who's being kind of mean, but not dangerously mean, to another kid at the park? Sad, but if he's not my kid, I probably wouldn't say anything. The sweet lady who plainly tells me her political opinion, which happens to be the polar opposite of mine? I'd probably just nod my head, smile and thank her for sharing.

These are times we might just stay quiet and choose not to cause a ruckus. But how far does that go, exactly, before our silence is causing us to be disingeuous? If that silence extends to never telling anyone what we think or how we feel, does anybody really know us at all?

I've been wrestling with this one for a while in regards to my faith. I've shared plenty of things here over the past few years, but that's really just the tip of the iceberg. Most of my journey I'm still holding back, and at times I can't tell if that reluctance is driven by responsibility or fear.

Let's be clear -- we don't need to share everything with everybody. Heck, nobody is closer to me than Jamie, but we have an understanding that on some issues and some ideas we're just not gonna agree. So we don't go there. That's responsible, I think. I guess what I'm saying is that lately it's been hard for me to discern where the line is between responsible avoidance of hot topics, and dishonest keeping of secrets. Does anybody else struggle with this?

It's all coming to a head now because a men's reading group has been formed at our church, and I was asked to be in it. It's a small group, just 10 guys, and half of them are a formal church leader or employee. It's a great group of guys, and our first book assignment was "The Shack", which strangely enough does not really fit into some of our church doctrines. But it fit with me.

Our group isn't able to meet in person so I set up an online group for us, and introduced myself and mentioned that I've never really shared my faith journey of the past few years. The response was strong and immediate -- several of them felt the same way. They said it's very sad that we can't be "real" at church and admit that the answers to life aren't simple. They said it's tragic that we haven't been able to foster a safe environment where people felt like they could really be themselves. They said that all discussion details would stay private within the group, and that we should never feel that we have to stick with what have historically been the church's positions on any topic.

It was partially a breath of fresh air, and partially terrifying. Are they seriously asking for me to share who I really am? Is it that safe? I haven't decided yet. But I'm hopeful.

My dad recently wrote a poem that included this verse:

Will we ever get rid of our preconceived notions,
And our quick answers we think are fast magic potions?
Will we ever see what could have been really be,
Where I take you for you and you take me for me?
Not till we get there.

He's probably right, that we'll never totally accept each other in this life. Perhaps all I can hope for is that soon I can start to test out some of my ideas by sharing them instead of holding them in. And if somebody doesn't like them, perhaps they'll keep it to themselves instead of rocking my boat. :)

Speaking of silence and secrets, have you ever seen the postsecret blog? It's incredible. A mailing address was setup for people to send postcards to, with no return address. On the postcard the sender is supposed to put a secret they've been keeping. It's fascinating to see the types of things people haven't been able to share. Obviously some of them are heartbreaking, but I've been collecting the lighter-hearted or soul-sparking ones.

Here are a few of my favorites. See you in a week!

Pascal's wager -- my take

2008-06-09T20:15:00.002-05:00

Pascal's wager has long been used by some people in Christianity as a way to reach out to unbelievers with an appeal to logic. Blaise Pascal was a 17th Century French philosopher who broke quite a bit of new ground in his approach to philosophy and apologetics (the defense of Christianity). His "wager" was more of a sidenote at the end of one of his writings but it has some serious staying power, still often referenced almost 400 years later!

His idea was to look at the long-term upside/downside of being right or wrong about God's existence. For example, if God doesn't really exist:

--Believing in him costs us nothing -- even though Christians are technically wrong, we'll all just disappear after we die
--Not believing in him doesn't cost us anything either, nor gain us anything. Again, we all just disappear after death.

In this case, it's a wash between believing or not believing. Nobody wins.

However if God does really exist:

--Believing in him gets us into heaven. HUGE reward.
--Not believing gets us into hell. HUGE punishment.

In this case, believing "wins" in a major way.

His logical conclusion is that it's much safer, and smarter, to adopt the Christian faith rather than live as an atheist. Think of it as an eternal insurance policy, just in case heaven/hell are real. I continue to hear Pascal's wager referred to in discussions of faith, and my personal opinion is that this is unfortunate, because I think the wager doesn't really work. At least not for me. And on top of that, I can turn the wager around to justify a totally different approach to faith.

First, the reasons why the wager doesn't work for me:

-- It's entirely uninspirational. Looking at faith as an insurance policy? No thanks. Belief about God is such a deeply personal issue that I have a hard time applying a coldly logical, safety-focused method to determining what I should believe. And even if I applied the logic and decided that it's safer to believe, what kind of life-long behavior will that really motivate? For me, it'd just be going through the motions in the hope that this heaven thing works out.

-- It would seem to lead to extreme legalism. If safety is paramount and should be the top priority, then where do I draw the line on what is "enough" to get into heaven? Maybe belief alone doesn't cut it. Add baptism. And church worship style. And appropriate clothing. And who you marry. And what you eat/drink. You get the picture. Pascal's logic would demand that every single issue, no matter how small, may possibly play out very important in the end, so they all must get large priority.

-- It only works in a Christianity/Atheism context. Bring any other religious options into the mix and it really muddies the waters! How do I pick which option is "safer" in a world with so many religious choices? What if they are mutually exclusive? If I'm a really good Mormon, will that cover me if Islam ends up actually being correct? Would I still get my room in paradise with virgins? Would they be lesser virgins, like a roomful of middle-aged male Star Trek fanatics? Okay, I kid, but the reality of the 21st Century is that not many people are only trying to weigh Christianity/Atheism. There's a lot more to it that would have been difficult to imagine 400 years ago.

I could go on but I don't want to come across as bashing a very accomplished philosopher. He made some great strides for his time, but we live in a different world today.

Now for how I can turn the wager on its head.

Instead of focusing on whether or not we'll receive eternal rewards, how about focusing on how we are viewing God? Pascal's wager demands that we view God as maximally harsh. If we want to be safe, then we must assume that the slightest infraction could merit his wrath. Therefore we should follow the most conservative path to avoid eternal punishment.

On the other hand, my spirit today tells me that God is in fact very loving and very graceful. Jesus said we are to forgive each other without limits, even if they don't ask for it. I figure that if I am to forgive people without end, God does that and more. I assume the very best of God.

The interesting thing is that some Christians look at this as heresy and say that if I think God is too graceful, then his grace won't actually fall on me. Pretty ironic!

So I turn Pascal's wager around. If I am to make an error in judment about who God is, would I rather think of him as too harsh, or too graceful? I'd rather think of him as too graceful. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, and if I've overestimated his ability to forgive, so be it. I can live with that error.

Chris Cornell -- songwriter, rock star... mancrush?

2008-05-28T16:18:00.002-05:00

Even at the urging of some of my friends, I still haven't seen a single episode of the hit show "American Idol". I'll get to it someday, I promise! But this year I did start to pay more attention to what was going on with the show because a rock singer (David Cook) kept avoiding elimination week after week. Pretty impressive for a show that has mostly rewarded pop singers(and one country star, Carrie Underwood).

David Cook ended up winning the competition. Cool! Many people's favorite performance of his is a recomposed version of "Billie Jean". Yes, the Michael Jackson song.

A few years ago Chris Cornell rearranged the song and turned it into a haunting acoustic piece. He has always been my absolute favorite rock vocalist, just above Dave Grohl and Wes Scantlin. His range, both in notes and in style, has always impressed me. Yet many people in America had no idea who Chris Cornell was until American Idol mentioned his name. Here's David Cook's performance. It's excellent:

So for those of you who still may not really know Chris Cornell, I'll give you a few more details. First, he was lead singer for two rock bands -- Soundgarden and Audioslave. He's been in a couple of movies too, I think. Not important.

If you really want to know Chris Cornell, and to be struck full-force with the strength of his studliness, look no farther than Garth Brooks.

You know Garth Brooks, right? Country superstar? A guy so rich that he reportedly gave his wife over $125 million as a divorce settlement? A guy who has gone to spring training for four different Major League Baseball teams, just for fun? Because when you're that rich and famous, you can pretty much do whatever the heck you want and nobody will argue.

So what present do you get for somebody like that, on Christmas or their birthday? What could a man like that possibly want?

He wanted to be Chris Cornell. In 1999 Garth Brooks apparently became bored with wealth and fame and wanted to do something totally different. He created an alter-ego rock singer called, you guessed, it Chris. Chris Gaines. One of the pictures below is his album cover. The other picture is Chris Cornell.

Creepy.

I'd rank it as the single biggest public mancrush of all time. Bigger than John Madden on Brett Favre. Bigger than Jimmy Kimmel on Ben Affleck.

Yet with all that fame and power, Garth Brooks couldn't get his biggest wish. He couldn't become Chris Cornell. His album flopped horribly and there was even supposed to be a Chris Gaines movie, but fortunately it got scrapped and the apocalypse was thereby delayed.

Moral of the story: reinventing yourself can be fun and all, but only if it moves you closer to who you really are.