Building on the last post, I thought I'd give you more insight into one of the ways I'm trying to serve as a helpful outsider -- my church. I recently attended a Wednesday night class, which isn't all that heavily attended (maybe 75 people, or 20% of the adult members).
The topic was forgiveness. As the class discussion developed I found that I disagreed with almost every single point that was being made, either by the teacher or the class members. It seemed like a loving and open forum, so I began gently sharing my perspective and seeing what would come out of it. All in all it went pretty well -- here are some examples:
__________________________________________
Class point: We can forgive a person, but we don't forget. In the future we will be more cautious with someone who has hurt us.
My response: I understand what you're saying, and in truth that's probably the way I live. But Jesus said that if someone hits me in the face, I'm not supposed to forgive and then stay at arms' length away from the person. I'm supposed to turn my other cheek, to make myself vulnerable, to act as if the first punch never happened and throw myself right back out there, believing the best of people. I get the point that we go into self-protection mode after somebody hurts us. I do that all the time. But I don't think that's what Jesus taught.
__________________________________________
Class point: I cannot forgive someone for the wrong they've done to someone else. So if my friend lies to his parents, and he comes to me grieving and repentant, it's not my place to forgive. He has to go straight to his parents, those who were wronged, to make it right.
My response: I don't agree. When someone comes to us in confession and heartache, they know intuitively that my forgiveness won't make the situation go away. That friend will know that he has to talk to his parents. But I still have a role as the listener, and I think that role is to draw near and offer the idea that forgiveness and acceptance are possible no matter what kind of damage was done. My role is to say, "I forgive you for that. There is nothing you can do that will stop me from loving you as my friend." They need that. Then of course at some point they should begin the healing process with the parties who were involved. But my acceptance of my friend is not conditional on whether other people are forgiving him. I forgive him, and I accept him and love him anyway.
___________________________________________
Class point: We should forgive because we are not the judge -- God is. If we can just forgive people in this life, God will take care of the justice in the life to come.
My response: I don't think this concept of delayed justice serves us well, and in my experience it's just not the way the world works. If I cause a lot of pain for someone else, I pay for that. Here. In this life. I'd guess that God built this law into the universe, like the law of gravity. When you cause pain you get pain.
Take the Nazi officer we discussed earlier (the teacher opened class with a story of a man who had killed hundreds of Jews, then on his deathbed asked for forgiveness from a nurse). Even if the nurse forgave him for it, there's nothing cheap in that type of confession. There's no way that the man ruthlessley killed families and then coasted along happily for 40 years until one day he decided to repent. My guess is that he lived an absolutely tortured life after what he'd done.
(The teacher verified that indeed the man had been in constant torment over his guilt)
Again, in my limited experience this is the way our world seems to work. When you cause pain, you receive pain. That's why I can offer forgiveness to someone -- they're already in agony over what they've done. Who am I to add to that by witholding forgiveness?
__________________________________________
Class point: If we don't forgive people, we suffer more than they do. Forgiveness is as much for us as it is for them, so that we can move on with no baggage. This is why we should forgive.
My response: I agree that when we forgive people, we ourselves receive benefit. But I don't think this is the reason to do it -- that approach sounds pretty selfish and I don't think it'd actually work in a practical sense. If I'm only forgiving someone so that I'll feel better, is that actually the spirit we're supposed to have? Is that genuine forgiveness, if it's about me?
__________________________________________
At that point I stopped my comments because I couldn't quite get a feel for how people were taking them. It was interesting, though, that later on the teacher told a story about the Dalai Lama and the Tibetan monks who continue to undergo persecution from China. One monk told the Dalai Lama that after 20 years of being held captive, he suddenly began to be very afraid. "Of what?", the Dalai asked. The monk responded, "I was afraid that I was about to lose my compassion for the Chinese."
How ironic that in this class filled with people who've faithfully attended church for decades, the most Christian thing I heard during the entire hour was a quote from a Buddhist!
My goal is not to nitpick or cause trouble -- I want to follow up every disagreement with a proposal for something positive. That's what I tried to do in class, and that's what I commit to doing here in the blog. If I have a criticism of something, I must offer a better alternative or keep my mouth shut.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
My pattern as an outsider
My lack of writing has been eating at me, so here goes nuthin.
In the comments of my last post one of my friends teasingly called me a "fence-sitter". It was just a joke, but like the best jokes, there was a ring of truth to it. The fact remains that in many of the very volatile areas of debate (politics, religion, money) I tend to sit on the sidelines and find at least something in common with just about every perspective. The more I thought about it the more I realized I've always been that way.
In high school the big deal is which "crowd" you are a part of. Jock, nerd, goth, bimbo... they all have a crowd. I never picked a crowd and instead lived as a floater, a nomad. One day I'd eat lunch with the jocks, next day I'd eat with the brains, then move to the funny table. I was very good at making acquaintances with everybody, but I never had any really close friends. There was always a distance there... I sat on the fence and watched the cliques form.
In churches I've seen huge battles between the "conservatives" and the "liberals". Some of these happened while I was serving in a formal church role, but even then I'd sort of sit outside the debate, hoping we could just love each other and let it go.
Most of the personality tests I've taken (and as a part of business school, I took many) showed me to be a "chameleon", a person who switches among all personality types depending on the setting. Everybody does this at some level, I think, but I can almost reinvent myself from moment to moment, conversation to conversation. It's fun but it always leaves me at the edges, never completely invested in any one social group.
The fact that I'm on the edge, or on the fence, or on the sidelines, doesn't mean that I don't participate. I just participate in my own way, often a very subtle way, so subtle that some people may interpret as missing the game.
I think the world needs people who pick a team and go full-steam ahead with their perspectives. People like that have a way of getting big things done. And the people on the other team, moving full-steam ahead in the opposite direction, have a way of tempering the first group and keeping them from going too far, too fast. Republican/Democrat checks and balances are one example of this dynamic at work.
At the same time, I think the world needs people who don't fit into the main two camps. People who who don't care about picking a team but love analyzing the game and identifying trends in the sport as a whole. That's me.
The two games that I'm watching right now are politics and religion. I'm seeing huge battles in each. And in neither case am I going to pick a team. But I think I still have something to contribute.
In the comments of my last post one of my friends teasingly called me a "fence-sitter". It was just a joke, but like the best jokes, there was a ring of truth to it. The fact remains that in many of the very volatile areas of debate (politics, religion, money) I tend to sit on the sidelines and find at least something in common with just about every perspective. The more I thought about it the more I realized I've always been that way.
In high school the big deal is which "crowd" you are a part of. Jock, nerd, goth, bimbo... they all have a crowd. I never picked a crowd and instead lived as a floater, a nomad. One day I'd eat lunch with the jocks, next day I'd eat with the brains, then move to the funny table. I was very good at making acquaintances with everybody, but I never had any really close friends. There was always a distance there... I sat on the fence and watched the cliques form.
In churches I've seen huge battles between the "conservatives" and the "liberals". Some of these happened while I was serving in a formal church role, but even then I'd sort of sit outside the debate, hoping we could just love each other and let it go.
Most of the personality tests I've taken (and as a part of business school, I took many) showed me to be a "chameleon", a person who switches among all personality types depending on the setting. Everybody does this at some level, I think, but I can almost reinvent myself from moment to moment, conversation to conversation. It's fun but it always leaves me at the edges, never completely invested in any one social group.
The fact that I'm on the edge, or on the fence, or on the sidelines, doesn't mean that I don't participate. I just participate in my own way, often a very subtle way, so subtle that some people may interpret as missing the game.
I think the world needs people who pick a team and go full-steam ahead with their perspectives. People like that have a way of getting big things done. And the people on the other team, moving full-steam ahead in the opposite direction, have a way of tempering the first group and keeping them from going too far, too fast. Republican/Democrat checks and balances are one example of this dynamic at work.
At the same time, I think the world needs people who don't fit into the main two camps. People who who don't care about picking a team but love analyzing the game and identifying trends in the sport as a whole. That's me.
The two games that I'm watching right now are politics and religion. I'm seeing huge battles in each. And in neither case am I going to pick a team. But I think I still have something to contribute.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Another explosive topic
Politics. It's that time again in our country, and it seems every time I turn around I'm hearing someone ranting, pontificating or arguing about the upcoming Presidential election. I figured I should join in as well.
Don't worry. Gimme a shot here and see if this is different than the political opinions you usually come across.
If you're like me, then 95% of all political discussions you hear are simply attacks on the "other" side. Nobody ever seems to tell me why they like a candidate -- only how evil the other guy (or gal, while Hillary was in the game) obviously is.
I don't do that. It angers me, and is playing right into the hands of our modern media. They know that happy times and supporting storylines don't get the high ratings. If a TV station or website wants the big bucks, they need to break scandals and tap into the more bitter, empassioned instincts within us.
So I won't do any attacking here. No criticisms at all. I won't even tell you which candidate I like. I'm simply going to list all the ways I agree with what each side (Democrat/Republican) uses as common talking points. Here we go:
Republicans often say that our country is in pretty good shape, that we're the best country in the world and are not in need of massive overhaul. I agree. Our economy, civil rights and safety are higher than almost any other time in our nation's history. See this article by Gregg Easterbrook for more detail.
Democrats often say that it's time for change, and that our country needs to shift gears in some major areas. I agree. Our economy is showing some signs of real weakness and is far too dependent on foregin oil. Our lower/middle classes are far too represented in prisons and slums. Our resources are being stretched and extended across the world in a way we can't support long-term.
Republicans often say that Senator McCain has proven himself to be a seasoned and effective political leader, a man who can work across party lines to solve problems. I agree. His credentials are impressive and he seems to be a man of integrity and strength. He would probably serve us well as President.
Democrats often say that although Senator Obama's tenure in the Senate has been much shorter than McCain's, he also has an impressive resume. I agree. He has sponsored many very important bills and shown empathy and foresight in making some tough calls and votes.
Republicans often say that McCain can truly relate to mainstream America, and that he really gets it and cares when it comes to the worries of the individual. I agree. He genuinely seems to care about people, and I think that is a core part of what makes him an attractive candidate.
Democrats often say that Obama's eloquence and intelligence allow him to inspire great crowds of people, and that this kind of charisma would bring many benefits to our country. I agree. He is a powerfully effective speaker, and envisioning that type of person representing our country is an attractive thought.
This is the way I like to talk about politics. Focusing on whom I like, what I want to see, and where I'd wish our country to go.
I hear Democrats using the name "McSame" and berating the man for the occassional verbal slip, basically saying he's as smart as a bag of walnuts. C'mon now.
I hear Republicans using the name "Osama' and berating the man for his race and his popularity, basically saying he's the antichrist just waiting to emerge. C'mon now.
We can do better.
Don't worry. Gimme a shot here and see if this is different than the political opinions you usually come across.
If you're like me, then 95% of all political discussions you hear are simply attacks on the "other" side. Nobody ever seems to tell me why they like a candidate -- only how evil the other guy (or gal, while Hillary was in the game) obviously is.
I don't do that. It angers me, and is playing right into the hands of our modern media. They know that happy times and supporting storylines don't get the high ratings. If a TV station or website wants the big bucks, they need to break scandals and tap into the more bitter, empassioned instincts within us.
So I won't do any attacking here. No criticisms at all. I won't even tell you which candidate I like. I'm simply going to list all the ways I agree with what each side (Democrat/Republican) uses as common talking points. Here we go:
Republicans often say that our country is in pretty good shape, that we're the best country in the world and are not in need of massive overhaul. I agree. Our economy, civil rights and safety are higher than almost any other time in our nation's history. See this article by Gregg Easterbrook for more detail.
Democrats often say that it's time for change, and that our country needs to shift gears in some major areas. I agree. Our economy is showing some signs of real weakness and is far too dependent on foregin oil. Our lower/middle classes are far too represented in prisons and slums. Our resources are being stretched and extended across the world in a way we can't support long-term.
Republicans often say that Senator McCain has proven himself to be a seasoned and effective political leader, a man who can work across party lines to solve problems. I agree. His credentials are impressive and he seems to be a man of integrity and strength. He would probably serve us well as President.
Democrats often say that although Senator Obama's tenure in the Senate has been much shorter than McCain's, he also has an impressive resume. I agree. He has sponsored many very important bills and shown empathy and foresight in making some tough calls and votes.
Republicans often say that McCain can truly relate to mainstream America, and that he really gets it and cares when it comes to the worries of the individual. I agree. He genuinely seems to care about people, and I think that is a core part of what makes him an attractive candidate.
Democrats often say that Obama's eloquence and intelligence allow him to inspire great crowds of people, and that this kind of charisma would bring many benefits to our country. I agree. He is a powerfully effective speaker, and envisioning that type of person representing our country is an attractive thought.
This is the way I like to talk about politics. Focusing on whom I like, what I want to see, and where I'd wish our country to go.
I hear Democrats using the name "McSame" and berating the man for the occassional verbal slip, basically saying he's as smart as a bag of walnuts. C'mon now.
I hear Republicans using the name "Osama' and berating the man for his race and his popularity, basically saying he's the antichrist just waiting to emerge. C'mon now.
We can do better.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
That'll teach me to tease you
Life has been happening way, way too fast lately. There hasn't been much time to write the posts I promised I would.
When I finally sat down to write them, they didn't feel right anymore. They were perfect a few weeks ago and all ready in my head, but now they feel forced.
Along with the fast pace of life, my own spirit and inspiration seem to constantly be evolving. So I can't really write what I wanted to a few weeks ago, because I'm not that same guy anymore. Do you experience that too?
My muse has shifted. I'm not sure what'll hit me next for a blog topic. We'll see!
Please forgive me for the prior teasing about the upcoming topics. Hopefully I've learned my lesson. :)
When I finally sat down to write them, they didn't feel right anymore. They were perfect a few weeks ago and all ready in my head, but now they feel forced.
Along with the fast pace of life, my own spirit and inspiration seem to constantly be evolving. So I can't really write what I wanted to a few weeks ago, because I'm not that same guy anymore. Do you experience that too?
My muse has shifted. I'm not sure what'll hit me next for a blog topic. We'll see!
Please forgive me for the prior teasing about the upcoming topics. Hopefully I've learned my lesson. :)
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Odds and ends
Time to steal an idea from my sister-in-law and just catch up on some things.
#1 -- My dad's music
I just got a cool package in the mail this week -- two homemade music CDs from my dad. One is a rock mix and the other is Brad Paisley.
I am not a country guy. At all. But I've listened to the Brad Paisley CD twice now and must admit I really like it! He's hilarious and can also really play guitar.
The rock CD is hilarious because I truly am my dad's son. The mix includes everything from Rihanna to The Doobie Brothers, from David Archuletta to Jimi Hendrix.
My brother likes Korn and Sir Mix-a-Lot. We're weird.
Life with a 5-year-old -- recent quotes
Church minister: So you see kids, David didn't need swords, shields, spears or armor to defeat Goliath! All he needed was God!
Samantha: And a slingshot.
Me (quietly to Samantha): Good point.
Me, playing with my son Jack: I'm gonna bonk your head! (I bonk it) I'm gonna bonk your nose! (I do) I'm gonna bonk your shoulder! (done)
Samantha: Bonk his penis!
Me: What?!?
Samantha, quieter, sheepishly: Bonk his penis?
Me: I don't think so.
Possible family addition
It's been a while since I had to put our cats down. We've been petless since, for the first time in our kids' lives, and they've been antsy.
I didn't really think a dog would/could be the next pet. We have several nuances in our home that I saw as limiting factors:
--Small yard and a fence/garage structure that meant the dog would often be loose in the front yard and street area (very low traffic).
--Young, allergic kids (the reason we no longer have cats)
--Hot weather
--Not a lot of time/patience for training a puppy
Earlier this week a lady who works with Jamie's dad mentioned that she rescues dogs and adopts them out. She has a 16-month-old Miniature Schnauzer, male, that she's trying to rehome. So this breed, and this particular dog:
--Won't run away to chase other animals if he gets out into the front yard
--Doesn't shed and is practically hypoallergenic
--Likes to spend most of his time indoors
--Is already pretty well trained, neutered and up-to-date on immunizations
--Is excellent with children (the foster home has a girl Samantha's age)
The lady is bringing him by to "visit" this weekend. We haven't told the kids, so they'll just think she is a friend stopping by, and we won't take the dog unless everything feels right. We'll see what happens!
His story is pretty cool. He was basically abandoned at four months old, and when this lady found him he was very, very sick. Eating his own feces and everything. She cleaned him up and got him healthy, but his spirit was still very terrorized. Every time someone picked him up he peed himself in fear.
Over the past year he has come out of his shell and now loves to play. He still has some timidity and won't make the first move for affection. For instance, if you sit on the couch he may sit on the floor close to you, but he won't jump up there. But if you get down on the floor he knows the game is on and gets very happy.
He sounds sweet, fun and uniquely flawed. He might just fit in around here.
What's on tap -- deep stuff
1. Eastern vs. Western thought -- how we sometimes miss basic points of the bible
2. Free Will, and why I think it may not actually exist
3. Religious people "missing out on the fun", and why I think that's a load
#1 -- My dad's music
I just got a cool package in the mail this week -- two homemade music CDs from my dad. One is a rock mix and the other is Brad Paisley.
I am not a country guy. At all. But I've listened to the Brad Paisley CD twice now and must admit I really like it! He's hilarious and can also really play guitar.
The rock CD is hilarious because I truly am my dad's son. The mix includes everything from Rihanna to The Doobie Brothers, from David Archuletta to Jimi Hendrix.
My brother likes Korn and Sir Mix-a-Lot. We're weird.
Life with a 5-year-old -- recent quotes
Church minister: So you see kids, David didn't need swords, shields, spears or armor to defeat Goliath! All he needed was God!
Samantha: And a slingshot.
Me (quietly to Samantha): Good point.
Me, playing with my son Jack: I'm gonna bonk your head! (I bonk it) I'm gonna bonk your nose! (I do) I'm gonna bonk your shoulder! (done)
Samantha: Bonk his penis!
Me: What?!?
Samantha, quieter, sheepishly: Bonk his penis?
Me: I don't think so.
Possible family addition
It's been a while since I had to put our cats down. We've been petless since, for the first time in our kids' lives, and they've been antsy.
I didn't really think a dog would/could be the next pet. We have several nuances in our home that I saw as limiting factors:
--Small yard and a fence/garage structure that meant the dog would often be loose in the front yard and street area (very low traffic).
--Young, allergic kids (the reason we no longer have cats)
--Hot weather
--Not a lot of time/patience for training a puppy
Earlier this week a lady who works with Jamie's dad mentioned that she rescues dogs and adopts them out. She has a 16-month-old Miniature Schnauzer, male, that she's trying to rehome. So this breed, and this particular dog:
--Won't run away to chase other animals if he gets out into the front yard
--Doesn't shed and is practically hypoallergenic
--Likes to spend most of his time indoors
--Is already pretty well trained, neutered and up-to-date on immunizations
--Is excellent with children (the foster home has a girl Samantha's age)
The lady is bringing him by to "visit" this weekend. We haven't told the kids, so they'll just think she is a friend stopping by, and we won't take the dog unless everything feels right. We'll see what happens!
His story is pretty cool. He was basically abandoned at four months old, and when this lady found him he was very, very sick. Eating his own feces and everything. She cleaned him up and got him healthy, but his spirit was still very terrorized. Every time someone picked him up he peed himself in fear.
Over the past year he has come out of his shell and now loves to play. He still has some timidity and won't make the first move for affection. For instance, if you sit on the couch he may sit on the floor close to you, but he won't jump up there. But if you get down on the floor he knows the game is on and gets very happy.
He sounds sweet, fun and uniquely flawed. He might just fit in around here.
What's on tap -- deep stuff
1. Eastern vs. Western thought -- how we sometimes miss basic points of the bible
2. Free Will, and why I think it may not actually exist
3. Religious people "missing out on the fun", and why I think that's a load
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