Here's a peek into a few anecdotes from our house this week:
1) Since Samantha continues to grow at a dramatic rate, I'm discovering that I can't get away with things like before. For example, I used to read books "Daddy Style". Daddy Style is an evolved method of reading that was specifically designed to shorten any book, hence making naptime or bedtime arrive more quickly.
Real text: "I would not eat them with a fox, I would not eat them in a box. I would not eat them here or there, I would not eat them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam I am."
Daddy Style: "Not with a fox, in a box, here or there, anywhere. I don't like green eggs and ham."
Twice this week Samantha has looked at me very seriously and said, "I don't want you to read Daddy Style." Samantha: 1, Daddy: 0.
2) On Wednesday morning, everything seemed to be going haywire. The kids didn't sleep well that night, everyone was tired, Samantha was grumpy and Jack couldn't stop rubbing his eyes. I knew Jamie had a long day ahead of her, but there wasn't much I could do at that point, so I got ready for work.
As I was getting in the car, Jamie ran into the garage and said that our cat Gabriel left us something on the front doormat, something "missing a tail and gross." I asked if it was alive and she said it was. I got out of the car, went to the doormat and saw the little tail-less lizard laying there, just hanging out. Jamie stood back about 15 feet while I snuck up to the doormat, planning to quickly pick up the whole mat and sling the lizard over the fence into the yard next door (vacant house). You probably know where this is headed.
I hadn't anticipated how the lizard would stick so well to the mat. When I slung the mat, he stuck for a second or two, and by the time he came detached his trajectory was headed straight at Jamie. The lizard flew high through the air, buzzed her face and landed right by her feet. I heard a noise like someone going insane in a torture chamber as Jamie ran back into the garage, somehow simultaneously shaking every inch of her body in a violent motion to ensure that the lizard wasn't crawling on her.
I tried not to laugh. I almost succeeded. Jamie and I weren't groggy anymore.
By the way, the lizard was dead. I could have simply picked him up and tossed him over the fence without resorting to the whole "doormat launch" program.
Lizard: 1. Daddy: 0.
3) Samantha quotes for the week:
"I'm angry at you! I'm going upstairs by myself, and I'm going to have an ANGRY TEA PARTY!"
"This is a hard thing to do, going pee pee."
"One time you were a little boy. And Mommy was a little girl. And Jack was all grown up then. And when I grow up I'll be a Mommy, then I'll be a Daddy. And you'll be a baby. And I'm going to wear new glasses and have a mustache."
"Mommy Faith Wilson! No!" (Samantha's middle name is "Faith", but she knows it's really only a name for when she's in trouble. She tried to turn it around on Jamie/Mommy.")
"I'm going to the pantry. Come knock on the door and you can visit."
"Yeah, I went to the moon. But now I'm going to the library."
God, No! By Penn Jillette
6 hours ago