A strange example of what it might mean to "honor thy mother"

The bible has a few different instances of instructions to children, and how they should obey their parents.

Things change as the child grows, though, and eventually they mature into adults with children of their own. At that point, while a 30yo might not be called to always obey their own parents, they are certainly called to honor them.

Mother's Day is surely an opportunity for us adults to honor our mothers, and we should do so! It is a special relationship and no matter how awesome, loving, flawed or absent your own mother might have been, she has undoubdedly shaped much of the way you live.

I look at the way Jesus honored his mother in the bible, and it didn't always include obedience or even explicit words of affection:

-- When as a 12yo he went to the temple, he knew his mother would be worried about him. But for some reason he felt that he was in the right place, and there was a higher purpose than his mother's peace of mind.
-- When she asked him to make more wine for a wedding party, he spoke to her in a way that could be seen as disrespectful ("Woman, it is not yet my time"). Yet he obeyed and performed what we consider may have been his first public miracle.
-- As he was dying on the cross, his love for his mother shone through. We only see seven recorded statements from Jesus on the cross, which makes sense for someone dying of asphyxiation. One of those final seven statements was to make sure she would not be alone ("behold your son", talking about John) and to make sure someone would take care of her ("behold your mother", talking to John).

So sometimes Jesus honored his mother with words, but other times his words were mixed and his honor took a much more complex form through the way he lived.

Mine works the same.

I will call my mother tomorrow and tell her I love her, you bet! Yet my life also includes very complex, difficult decisions as I care for my own family, and I can honor my mother by how I make those decisions.

As an example, I quit my job last week. And I don't have another job lined up yet. This could be seen superficially as a rebellious rejection of my mother's teachings, since there were many times she told my brother and I never to leave a job until we already had the next one in place.

Yet a few years ago my brother also quit a job without having the next one landed. What's happening here? Were we honoring our mother?

I say wholeheartedly, "Yes we are!"

Because while she taught us to find a job before leaving a job, she also taught us higher values of integrity, faith and a generous and light hand with material wealth.

Integrity called me to leave this job now since I was in a leadership position, and was being pushed to make commitments both publicly and privately that I knew I couldn't live up to.

Faith reminded me that when I live with integrity (and really, even when I don't), things usually work out and my family will not starve.

A decade's worth of careful and conscious stewardship by my wife and I have put us in a financial position to be without a job, yet still without hardship.

So sometimes we have a choice -- to follow a single instruction from our mother, or to break that instruction by following the more holistic themes of her teaching.

These are the ways we honor her. I will call her and say I love her. I will raise my children with dedication and sacrifice. I will remember that I'm not the most important person in the world. And sometimes I'll even quit a job, turn away from a friend or ruffle feathers at church.

At a simple view, those things might not seem like they honor my mother. But thank God, she knows that life is not always simple!

Love you Mom!

How I reconcile different biblical views of eternity

Instead of using words like "traditionalism", "universalism" and "Calvinism", I'd like to change the language into something more approachable. How about these words:

1) Judgment
2) Mercy
3) Divine plan

I think we have a love/hate relationship with those three things:

1) We love judgment sometimes because it fulfills our sense of fairness, but we'd hate that to mean that we or our loved ones must suffer in eternal torment.

2) We love mercy because, well... who wouldn't? But we hate that it seems to conflict with our sense of justice, and isn't all this stuff on earth a charade if God's mercy just sends everyone to heaven anyway?

3) We love that God has a master plan, but hate the idea that any of it might overrule our free will.

My picture of eternity embraces all three of these concepts without conflict. Here's how:

Judgment

I've never met a human being who was 100% pure, good and blameless. We all have junk, and we'll still have some of that junk when we die and will carry that junk right to the gates of heaven on judgment day.

So what happens with our junk when we get to heaven? I don't think God snaps his fingers and makes it vanish, because even though the junk is bad it's a very real and core part of my soul at that point. To delete it like a rotten computer program not only fundamentally changes my personality, but it does so in the cheapest way possible!

I do believe that God wants me to release my baggage, but I think it will be a process. One that is undeniably painful, possibly slow, but ultimately much more rewarding and powerful than just having my issues washed away.

I think God will give us perspective to see how our faults have hurt others and hurt ourselves. He'll give us the ability to empathize powerfully and see ourselves through the eyes of our friends and enemies. We'll gain understanding in whole new ways about the consequences of sin, and how our bad choices caused so much hardship.

When it's my turn, God will probably show me things like how my anger crushed my children's spirits. How my emotional apathy left others cold and unfulfilled in their hour of need. How my selfishness held me back and caused me to miss so many beautiful moments and relationships that would have blossomed in the cause of shared generosity.

This will suck, no doubt. It's judgment; it's not supposed to be fun. But I think it awaits every one of us, and that the purpose is redemptive.

God doesn't want us to just make it to heaven however possible so he can erase the bad stuff. He wants us to genuinely progress into the best version of ourselves that He intended all along, and will give us the tools, the time and the support to get there.

That's why I believe the stakes of righteousness are indeed high in this life. The lessons we learn now save us pain both today and later on. The ripple effects continue through eternity.

Mercy

I've never met a human being who was 100% vile, evil and free of virtue. We all have spots of nobility, and we'll still have that when we die and will carry that right to the gates of heaven and beyond.

But in the section above I said that I also think we'll bring baggage with us into the next life. And if we're still walking around with baggage, we're going to need lots and lots of God's mercy.

I think He'll have more than enough, and it will work seamlessly with his judgment.

Think about it -- judgment left to run untethered means massive consequences for small offenses. You call me a name, I have you fired. You cut me off in traffic, I shoot you. You hurt my child, I kill your whole family. You make some bad choices for a few decades, I condemn you to eternal punishment with no chance of escape? Those sentences don't fit the crimes.

But if mercy runs untethered, then no growth happens and the lack of justice saps the meaning out of our choices. A kid gets whatever they want, they turn spoiled. A man of power lives above the law, he never confronts his personal demons. A female celebrity listens only to her adoring posse and feels like a helpless victim when things go wrong in life, because surely it's not her fault.

We need both mercy and judgment working together to become better people. I do help my kids experience consequences for their actions, but only in the context of a relationship with me that includes unconditional love. I'm a very imperfect father but I understand that for my kids to be their best, I have to display mercy, and give them the confidence that they are always mine, no matter what. That there are very few guarantees in life, and one of them is my love.

God does that too, and will keep offering us His love and mercy as we move through His judgment.

Divine Plan

We ascribe a lot of different character traits to God based on the bible: love, faithfulness, righteousness, even jealousy! But one I rarely see, and I believe is a crucial and endearing part of His character, is stubborness.

It takes a stubborn soul to peg Moses as a leader after 40 years in Egypt and 40 years as a secluded rancher. It takes a stubborn soul to stick with the nation of Israel for centuries as their faith wavered up and down. It takes a stubborn soul to look at 12 fishermen, yokels and backbiters and say with confidence, "this is my tribe, and I'll make something great out of them."

I can't read the bible with all the obvious stubborness of God and think that He'll give up on the majority of His creation on judgment day. That soul by soul, eternity is sealed after a few short years of human life. He's too stubborn for that, and I think He'll wait us out.

I believe the bible passages that say God is redeeming all things back to Himself, and that this whole universe is a one-way road headed home. There are plenty of exits and detours along the way, but God's got all the time in the world. There's no need to force people to do anything, or overpower our free will. He'll offer a path of judgment that will make us face up to our shortcomings, all within the context of mercy and patience.

So I do think eternity will include judgment. For everyone.

And I think eternity will include mercy. For everyone.

And I think that everything is going perfectly to plan, and that your free will is 100% intact and you can take things at exactly the pace you want in your walk towards God. The slower you go, the tougher it might be and the longer it will take, but what is time to God?

The battle over eternity

I have a knack for taking two opposing views and finding some things of great merit in each of them.

I also have a knack for taking two opposing views and finding glaring weaknesses in each of them.

Basically, on any given day both sides might love me or hate me. And for my own opinion, it usually ends up somewhere in the middle, and I choose to not play the game of polarity.

The battle over eternity is no different. Traditional believers in heaven/hell, annihilationists, universalists, Calvinists... all have had their days in the sun over the past two millenia. And each can easily cite scriptures to support their views, and rightly so. Each one has merit based on biblical texts. Yet each view of eternity also has serious problems reconciling fully with the biblical texts.

Actually, I understated that. Each view cannot possibly reconcile fully with the biblical texts. Because the bible says things like this:

Matthew 25:41 -- "Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels."

2 Thessalonians 1:9 -- "They will be punished with everlasting destruction and shut out from the presence of the Lord and from the majesty of his power"

Colossians 19-20 -- "For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross."

Revelation 20:13 -- "The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what he had done."

I picked just four passages but already I wish anyone good luck in reconciling them all, especially if you want to get deep into the historical, cultural and language contexts of each. So in this fight between hell and universalism, between free will and predestination, between eternal souls and annihilation... I choose not to play. I think it's a false choice.

Maybe the bible has all those different statements because each viewpoint of eternity is partly true!

Traditional view -- I think you're right. There will be judgment on judgment day, and it won't all be pretty and graceful.

Universalists -- I think you're right. The final story will be more beautiful than we can possibly imagine, and in the end, the gospel (GOOD NEWS) will prevail.

Calvinists -- I think you're right. God knew what he was doing with this universe right from the beginning, and it's going perfectly to plan.

Annihilationists -- I think you're right. There are pieces of our souls, and perhaps even parts of creation, that will one day be destroyed forever.

But I also think that in other ways, every view has it wrong. And to take any one view as the only truth leaves out some important elements of who God is, and what He has in store for us.

To me it's a false choice. There's another way.

Yep, still here!

Life's been crazy. I'll break it down briefly by category:

Work

I resigned my position as a Director of two departments at the end of the year, but didn't quit the company. Since then I've been job searching as much as possible while still doing odd jobs and projects at the office.

Now the Chairman has changed directions and wants me to take over three departments, two of which I'll be building from scratch. All of this is exciting, but the fundamentals of the business are still extremely weak and we'll probably be bankrupt in a year or so, which is why I resigned my position in the first place.

For now, though, I have some job security while I continue the search. And I get to be extremely challenged and under pressure (which I have to admit, is when I perform best) during my day job.

Family health

I had the worst flu of my life last month, with five days of high fever and at least two weeks of lethargy and weakness. Wouldn't be surprised at all if it was a swine flu variant.

Two of the kids also got the flu, and one of them got strep throat on top of it. All three kids have had ear infections already this year, and we're on our sixth or seventh dose of antibiotics since January. If there's a race to reaching our extremly high health insurance deductible, I think we'll win. And this week Jamie's lingering cold has progressed to the point where she's lost her voice.

Two weeks ago we hosted a party at our house for some fellow church families -- 12 kids running around outside while I grilled pork tenderloin. Samantha tried a trick on her bike and... didn't quite make it. Busted up some of her teeth, with one dangling by a thread and another chipped in half. Unfortunately all of them are adult teeth, and grew in less than a year ago. Fortunately she's been spared from implants or root canals so far, and we may end up dodging most of those things and only needing some cosmetic work.

My grammy has been sick and it's brought home the beautiful truth that I am a mid-30s male with all four of his granpdarents still alive. They are so dear to me, and I know that eventually it will be their time to move on. That gets more real as time passes, and I'm quite inexperienced at handling that kind of loss. It's a part of life I've mostly dodged so far.

Church

Jamie and I had that meeting with the financial team, and shared our concerns that the church would sit on money or fund administrative things while acute needs went unmet in our community.

Last week, an elder stood up in front of the whole congregation and announced the decision that they would spend the contingency fund (set aside for a replacement air conditioner when our 12-year-old unit inevitably breaks down) on the community needs. And if the air conditioner dies, we'll find a way to fund it if it's really important. The church clapped and cheered at the news.

The bible class group I taught for about six months (about 50 people, mostly retired/elderly) has shifted topics and is taking on the issue of science and faith. It's a huge interest of mine and this is the first time our church has focused on the science part, without forcing a literal bible interpretation.

It's being taught by the following, all members our our little 50-person group:
-- Former CEO of BP Amoco Canada and BP Amoco Eurasia. He's a PhD geophysicist.
-- Another geophysicist, this one an expert in carbon dating and fossils, who will talk to us about the Cambrian explosion
-- A mathematician and astronomer who was on the Apollo 11 team, and was responsible for all the formulas that got the module from earth orbit to the moon, and back. He showed us his notes and scribbles, and had an amazing model of the rocket that he disassembled piece-by-piece to recreate the mission.
-- A bioengineer who will talk us through some of the amazing ways organisms work

We live in Houston, Texas, which in a way can be called a scientific center of the world. Science has three core disciplines: 1) Mathematics/physics 2) Biology 3) Earth science. And here locally we have 1) NASA 2) The world's leading medical center 3) America's leading oil/gas industry.

You can't live here and have any influence whatsoever in the community if you teach 12th Century science as the only biblically-accurate option. I love the fact our church is taking this on and giving a voice to those of us who not only believe in an old earth and universe, but have used that model to expand our appreciation and love for God.

Life's moving pretty fast. I'm still around though, if only to comment on your own blogs more often that I write here. But eventually I'll have another burst of posts, like I always do.

Entitlement (a rant)

There's a lot of talk right now about President Obama's budget plan that he submitted for approval:

-- Democrats are furious that he actually included spending cuts in the plan, in programs that serve students, the poor and the unemployed.

-- Republicans are furious that he didn't cut enough spending, and they have an alternative plan to remove more "discretionary" programs from the budget.

-- Neither side is saying or doing a thing about the "entitlement" programs (Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid), even though they're nearly half the current federal budget.

-- Neither side is saying or doing a thing about military spending, even though it's a full 20% of our budget and our accomplishments on the battlefield have been arguable in value for the past decade.

-- Neither side is saying or doing a thing about increasing tax revenues to shrink the deficit, even though almost half of all Americans paid zero federal income tax last year.

What they've focused on is the mere 20% of the budget that they deem "discretionary" (veteran benefits, scientific research, education, foreign aid, transportation, etc...).

I have a strong opinion on this, and you might want to sit down first, since this is so antithetical to the current debate in Washington...

It's all discretionary.

We're not required to have a military force six times larger than every other country on the planet, nor to exceed the nuclear weapon capacity of the rest of the world combined.

We're not required to spend half our budget taking care of the elderly, no matter how noble that is, and no matter how much that impacts people I love. Because in another decade or so, when the boomers are retired, caring for them at this level will no longer be possible.

We're not entitled to any governmental benefits. My taxes go to meet today's needs -- they're not put away in a fund for me to tap into later if I'm disabled or retired. My taxes serve my country today; I have no claim on the money tomorrow.

We're not entitled to borrow from the rest of the world. China and others are sovereign nations with their own interests in mind, and that may not always include giving the US a loan.

We're not entitled to an ever-increasing quality of life. Nations fall, economies crumble, the world takes three steps forward and two steps back. If we look at Eastern Europe, Asia and Africa we recognize that our relative stability and consistent upward trajectory is the exception, not the rule.

We're not entitled to keep riding the gravy train with cheap prescription drugs and free medical care at the expense of the few, and we're not entitled to get rich with new business models that exploit the poorer and less educated.

We're not entitled to millions of dollars in life-saving care for our precious babies born months prematurely. We're not entitled to millions of dollars in life-saving care for our elderly family member who just suffered their third stroke.

We're not entitled to bailouts, tax breaks, unemployment benefits, food stamps, mortgage interest deductions, smooth interstate highways, college education, free housing or monthly checks from Uncle Sam.

I wish we could do all of those things (without raising taxes!) but we can't.

We get what we pay for, and what we work for. And if we continue to ignore the real budget albatrosses, focus instead on nitpicky expenses and completely ignore a declining tax revenue base, then we'll get less. A lot less.

And we'll deserve it.