Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Miscellany

A real post is coming in the next day or two, but here's a little something in the meantime:

Am I the only one who...

-- feels awkward and like an outsider sometimes in a social setting where everybody seems to be getting along wonderfully? Even if they're my close friends? Yet in a setting where everybody is uncomfortable, I immediately become a social catalyst and intuitively start bringing people together in conversation? Until it clicks for them and their conversation flows again, at which point I intuitively withdraw?

-- wakes up in the middle of the night, once every few months, with the overwhelming sense that I'm really living on my own and doing this whole "adult" thing? For a few minutes I lie there with a full realization of the fragility of our lives, and our lifestyles.

-- is always looking 12-20 seconds ahead of my car on the road, and gets frustrated by people who always seem surprised by upcoming traffic jams or lane closures?

Christmas funny

My parents bought me a doormat for Christmas that has the latitude/longitude coordinates of our house. I think it's very cool. When I tore off the label/sticker from the mat and went to throw the label away, I almost didn't read it first. That would've been a shame. Here's what it says:

Warning: Do not use as a projectile. Sudden acceleration to dangerous speeds may cause injury. When using mat, follow directions: put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about. This mat is not designed to sustain gross weight exceeding 12,000 lbs. If mat begins to smoke, immediately seek shelter and cover head. Caution: if coffee spills on mat, assume that it is very hot. This mat is not intended to be used as a placemat. Small food particles trapped in fibers may attract rodents and other vermin. Do not glue mat to porous surfaces, such as pregnant women, pets and heavy machinery. When not in use, mat should be kept out of reach of children diagnosed with CFED (Compulsive Fiber Eating Disorder). Do not taunt mat. Failure to comply relives the makers of this doormat, Simply Precious Home Decor, and its parent company, High Cotton, Inc., of any and all liability.

Awesome.

13 comments:

hard.rox said...

I'm pretty much astonished on a daily basis by people's lack of foresight in driving situations. People around here assume that since they are merging onto the highway, they have the right of way and don't need to look around until they are inches away from the travel lane. Never mind the fact they had a clear line of sight 200 yards prior to the merge. Grrrr..

Can't comment about the other two items. Must just be you. ;D

~aj~ said...

I can't believe I threw away our rug tag without reading the hilarious warnings. Glad you were more observant...that was too funny!

Don R said...

That's classic! I'll bet your mom has a great sense of humor, judging by her choice of gifts and her picture on her posts.

Roland said...

Never taunt a doormat. Always good advice.

MamaRose said...

Well, the EXPLANATION for the HILARIOUS WARNINGS on your new mat are because it came from 'WHAT ON EARTH' that catalog that has other REALLY FUNNY things/T-shirts for sale--that IS REALLY FUNNY!!!!!!!!

Your other things--guess I've been adult & ALWAYS wanted to be 'grown up' long enough now I've NEVER had 'that happen' to me before!!!!!
I would think it happens to MEN more than WOMEN--ha!!!!!

The driving situation DOES happen to me & your Dad who 'taught' me to look AHEAD better & it is VERY frustrating & it makes you WONDER HOW these folks get where they're going WITHOUT incident, sometimes!

Your 'group' thing I think is 'telling' of what kind of personality you are/have--you are MEDIATOR--'putting folks together' is what you LOVE to DO & do SO WELL!!!!!!!!! And, I think your Dad is the same way--for sure, anyway, about the NOT feeling comfortable & wanting to just 'sit in a corner' when everyone IS getting along--so, I think he could tell you MUCH MORE about that! NEAT post, THANKS!!!!!!!!!
LOVE YA'LL BUNCHES!!!!!!!!!!! Mom

MamaRose said...

Come to think of it--you got your 'Mediator' personality FROM ME--I always tried to get my parents, from the beginning, to AGREE instead of DISagree on things!!!!!!!!! How about that? That I remembered that--and, I don't like 'CONFLICT', EITHER!!!!!
Always try to get folks to 'JUST GET ALONG'!!!!!!!!!!!! And, WHEN there is conflict, I TRY to HELP get it SETTLED as SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!! NEAT! LOVE YOU, Mom

MamaRose said...

And, THANKS, Don R--I'd like to think I have a GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR--and, so does Michael's Dad, TOO!!!!! Helps in SO MANY instances & just HELPS you ENJOY LIFE MORE, TOO, we think!!!!!!!!! I LOVE to 'make' folks LAUGH!!!!!!

FishrCutB8 said...

Noice!!!!

FishrCutB8 said...

Noice!!!!

Orangehouse said...

It makes me wonder if I have ever thrown away something like that. I'm glad to see a company with a sense of humor not overshadowed by overly defensive lawyers.

Mike said...

In answer to your question: Don't feel alone. I identfy with all three!

houseofpaula said...

That is almost as good as the Engineering manual here at work that said to "Call Jesus immediately if there's an catastrophic event on the pipeline." I know they meant the manager of the department but it still made me laugh.

Funny Dog Pictures said...

nice post...