Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Update and kid quotes

1) Our phone line has been completely down since Saturday. No phone line, no internet. AT&T said something about the line being open more than 800 feet away from our house, and that is impacting us. Yeah, I'd call an inexistent dial tone and no phone service an "impact". They're working on it but may have to call in some other team to fix it. I'm betting our bill won't be prorated down next month to compensate for the time without service!

2) I had a weird swollen spot under my right jaw for a few days. I assume it was a lymph node. Last Thursday it was sore in the morning, grew throughout the day and by that night it was like a golf ball and was hot to the touch. Gross, I know. I went to the doc and he was pretty freaked out and completely stumped by what could have caused it. That's always nice to hear from a doctor.

I've been on antibiotics since then and everything's just about normal now. I never had any other symptoms -- no fever, sore throat, earache or anything.

Just one more medical mystery from our family.

Enough of that -- onto recent quotes from the kids!

#1 -- Capital punishment

Jack (3yo) walked into a room to find our two dogs wrestling. He went to separate them and then gave them a talk:

"Who started this? Did you start it (points at Mo)? Did you (points at Z)? Whoever started this... (raises his hands dramatically)... must be killed."

Don't worry; he doesn't know what that means.

#2 -- Hurricane Ike's impact

Jack: I'm very sad.
Jamie: Why, son?
Jack: Because I'll never go to the aquarium again.
Jamie: Sure we will! But not today.
Me: No, it's closed today. Even the zoo is closed.
Samantha: Why is the zoo closed?!?!
Me: Because of the storm.
Samantha: Oh yeah... the storm. What happened to the animals?
Me: They're fine. They'll just stay in their cages.
Samantha: What about the outside ones? Oh yeah, they'll just go to their inside places. The elephants have a place that looks like jail, so they'll go there.

#3 -- Toddler version of the Z-snap

Jamie: Jack, pick up that toy and put it away.
Jack: NO!
Jamie: Jack, that's a minus (a scoring system we were trying out, unsuccessfully).
Jack: (Stomping his foot and tightening his fists) Mom, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!

#4 -- Quick-witted at age three

Me: Samantha, how was kindergarten today?
Samantha: Good.
Me: Do you have friends there?
Samantha: Yep.
Me: Do they have names?
Samantha: Well, one is named Genesis.
Me: Genesis? Really?
Samantha: Yep.
Jack: What about Exodus? Was he there?

#5 -- Dream on

Jack: Dreams aren't real, daddy. Dreams aren't real.
Me: Nope, they're not. Sometimes I wish they were, though. Like when I dream I can fly.
Samantha: Ooh, ooh... you know what else would be cool if it was real??!?
Me: What?
Samantha: If I was uh INDIAN!!

#6 -- Dust to dust

Samantha: Daddy, who is Nonny's mommy and daddy? (Nonny is her great-grandmother)
Me: I don't know, sugar.
Samantha: Why not?
Me: They were too old by the time I was born.
Samantha: How old were they when you were born?
Me: Well... they were so old they weren't alive anymore.
Samantha: You mean they were dead?
Me: Yes.
Samantha: They were already dead when you were born?!?
Me: Yep.
Samantha: Whoa! They must be mummies by now!

#7 -- Faster than the elevator

Samantha: I like eating outside at the restaurant!
Me: Me too!
Samantha: Do you ever eat outside when you're at work?
Me: No, we don't have outside tables.
Samantha: Why don't you open your window?
Me: Mine doesn't open.
Samantha: Why not?
Me: Because it's on the eighth level.
Samantha: EIGHTH LEVEL!!! WHOA!!!
Me: Yeah, it'd be too high and too dangerous to open the window.
Samantha: Sure would; especially without parachutes!

#8 -- Rub it in, why dontcha

Samantha: Hey daddy!
Me: Yes?
Samantha: I bet if you didn't have kids, you'd want to be a baseball player!
Me: ....


Debby said...

#3 - Jack obviously is ready to write a book..."The Purpose Driven Tyke"

Roland said...

Nice one, Debbie.

Roland said...

Crap. Debby.

Don said...

Michael, sorry man, your "kid" posts are my

Debby, now that was a good one!

RedWifey said...

Debby, Thankfully we can attribute that outrageous-response-from-a--three-year-old to a sassy Disney movie, The Incredibles, Toy Story, or Monsters Inc...I can't remember which. To think that it was of his own creation is too much!

Redlefty said...

It was from The Incredibles. But debby's point is still valid -- Jack could sometimes qualify as an expert on rebellious tenacity.

And I thought about deleting Roland's first comment. Just his first one. It would've made this comment thread pretty funny. :)

quid said...

I'm glad I tuned in today, the kid quotes made me laugh. Thanks, Michael!


Bob said...

The quotes are great but I especially liked your comment about the "scoring" system you tried unsuccessfully. Our kids today, at 22, 20 and 16, constantly bombard us with memories of our unsuccessful disciplinary measures. Except for #3 -- by the time he came along we were too tired and his older sister raised him.

~aj~ said...

These are great! The first one was by far my favorite. Jack is a funny, funny boy.