Kids say the darndest things

For several years now I've been collecting some of the funny things my kids say.  While I've never shared much of it on the blog, I figured today was the time to change that!

Here are some of my favorites, going back a few years:

2008 -- Jack was 3yo; Samantha was 5yo

Jack: "I'm scared, mommy!"
Mom: "What are you scared of?"
Jack: "The ribbit frogs! Do they live in my heart?"
Mom: "No, who lives in your heart?"
Jack: "I don't know."
Mom: "God?"
Jack: "Yeah, that's it. God...  so who lives in my pants?"

Jack: "Dreams aren't real, daddy. Dreams aren't real."
Me: "Nope, they're not. Sometimes I wish they were, though. Like when I dream I can fly."
Samantha: "Ooh, ooh... you know what else would be cool if it was real??!?"
Me: "What?"
Samantha: "If I was uh INDIAN!!"

Jack walked into a room to find our two mini schnauzers (Mo and Z) wrestling...
"Who started this? Did you start it (points at Mo)? Did you (points at Z)? Whoever started this... (raises his hands dramatically)... must be killed."

Church minister, during a short lesson to kids: "So you see kids, David didn't need swords, shields, spears or armor to defeat Goliath! All he needed was God!"
Samantha: "And a slingshot."
Me (quietly to Samantha): "Good point."

2009

While camping:
Jack: "A bug! A bug! Shoo!" (starts freaking out)
Samantha: "Quick! Do karate on it!"

While playing together with action figures:
Jack: "I am Batman, and I will save you all!"
Samantha: "Oh no, please help!"
Jack: "Don't worry Hot Girl, I'm on my way!"
Samantha: "She's not hot girl! She's Wonder Woman!!"
Jack: "No, it's Hot Girl."

Samantha (coming in from outside): "What's that smell?!?! Yuck!"
RedWifey: "It's chicken soup. A new recipe."
Jack (yelling from bathroom): "The smell is also my POOP!"

While visiting Nana and Gramps (grandparents):
Gramps: "Hey Jack, I see that you're bringing a cupcake to the table. Is it mine?"
Jack: "No, it's mine."
Gramps: " How do you know?"
Jack: "Because Nana saw me lick it in the kitchen. Then she said it's mine."

2010

Jack talking to his older cousin Daniel during summer vacation:
Jack: (balancing on one foot) "I can do this for 46. Hours. A day."
Daniel: "That doesn't make any sense."
Jack: "That's because you can't do it."

Samantha: "There's a boy in my class who leaves every day to go to special training."
Me: "Why?"
Samantha: "Because of dickslutsia."

Jack came to tell something urgent one morning while I was in the shower:
Jack: "Dad, there's a place we need to go."
Me: "Okay bud, where?"
Jack: "Mireland."
Me: "Mireland?"
Jack: "Mireland."
Me (scrubbing fog-free circle to look out the shower door): "Mireland?"
Jack: "Mireland."
Me: "..... okay. Why Mireland?"
Jack: "There's rainbows there, and if we find the the end of one, there'll be a leprechaun. And I think how it works is, uh, we keep our eye on the leprechaun and keep looking at him, and then he runs away. So we get the pot of gold."
Me: "Sounds good, man. "
Jack: (nods and walks out)

Our little Luke is now only 2yo so he's just getting started on the funny sayings.  My current favorite is his response to hearing the doorbell -- he sprints to the front door while yelling, "ERRYBODY DINDONG!!!"

Once they become teenagers, of course, I'll stop writing down the things they say...