Miscellany

A real post is coming in the next day or two, but here's a little something in the meantime:

Am I the only one who...

-- feels awkward and like an outsider sometimes in a social setting where everybody seems to be getting along wonderfully? Even if they're my close friends? Yet in a setting where everybody is uncomfortable, I immediately become a social catalyst and intuitively start bringing people together in conversation? Until it clicks for them and their conversation flows again, at which point I intuitively withdraw?

-- wakes up in the middle of the night, once every few months, with the overwhelming sense that I'm really living on my own and doing this whole "adult" thing? For a few minutes I lie there with a full realization of the fragility of our lives, and our lifestyles.

-- is always looking 12-20 seconds ahead of my car on the road, and gets frustrated by people who always seem surprised by upcoming traffic jams or lane closures?

Christmas funny

My parents bought me a doormat for Christmas that has the latitude/longitude coordinates of our house. I think it's very cool. When I tore off the label/sticker from the mat and went to throw the label away, I almost didn't read it first. That would've been a shame. Here's what it says:

Warning: Do not use as a projectile. Sudden acceleration to dangerous speeds may cause injury. When using mat, follow directions: put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about. This mat is not designed to sustain gross weight exceeding 12,000 lbs. If mat begins to smoke, immediately seek shelter and cover head. Caution: if coffee spills on mat, assume that it is very hot. This mat is not intended to be used as a placemat. Small food particles trapped in fibers may attract rodents and other vermin. Do not glue mat to porous surfaces, such as pregnant women, pets and heavy machinery. When not in use, mat should be kept out of reach of children diagnosed with CFED (Compulsive Fiber Eating Disorder). Do not taunt mat. Failure to comply relives the makers of this doormat, Simply Precious Home Decor, and its parent company, High Cotton, Inc., of any and all liability.

Awesome.