Monday, September 04, 2006

Favorite Movie Quotes #1 -- Comedy

Time for a change of pace. Jack's fever hasn't spiked lately and my father-in-law is still waiting for his surgery, so in lieu of health updates I'm glad to change the subject for a bit.

I'm a film buff. While I don't really appreciate how unimaginative and superficial Hollywood's output has been lately, I still love the whole media of movies. My personal rule is to try to watch films that will improve me as a person. Sometimes, especially in trials, this rule can be met by a good comedy. Laughing uncontrollably for a few minutes sure has a way of healing wounds of the heart.

So here are some of my favorite quotes and moments in comedy movies. These are just off the top of my head, so I'm sure I can put together another list sometime after thinking about it a little more. Happy Labor Day!

Mr. Mom -- "I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads, Ken. That's serious. "

Airplane -- "We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger, what's our vector, Victor?"

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang -- (The characters are observing women in Los Angeles) "It's like somebody took America by the East Coast, and shook it, and all the normal girls managed to hang on. "

Dodgeball -- "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood."

Caddyshack -- "So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. "

Real Men -- "I didn't know you smoked!"
"Just after sex, Bob. I used to smoke a pack a day."
"That'll kill ya!"
"Bob, it won't kill you. But it will make you very, very sore."

The Naked Gun -- "It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside. "

Ace Ventura -- "Do NOT go in there!"


FishrCutB8 said...

"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."

This movie was awesome! Lance Armstrong, David Hasselhoff, Chuck Norris and William Shatner in one movie? What more could one ask for?????

"If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball."

Amber: Justin! I love you!
Justin: I lov...
White Goodman: [hits Justin in the face with a Dodgeball] Joanie loves Chachi!

White Goodman: Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker. But let me hit you with some knowledge. Quit now. Save yourself the embarrassment of losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur.
Peter La Fleur: Alliteration aside, I'll take my chances in the tournament.
White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.
Peter La Fleur: I know. I just said that.
White Goodman: I know you just said that.
Peter La Fleur: Okay, I'm not sure where you're going with this.
White Goodman: Well, I'm not sure where *you're* going with this.
Peter La Fleur: That's what I said.
White Goodman: That's what I'm saying to *you.*
Peter La Fleur: All right.
White Goodman: ...TouchÈ.

And the BEST ONE:

Lance Armstrong: Hey, aren't you Peter La Fleur?
Peter La Fleur: Lance Armstrong!
Lance Armstrong: Ya, that's me. But I'm a big fan of yours.
Peter La Fleur: Really?
Lance Armstrong: Ya, I've been watching the dodgeball tournament on the Ocho. ESPN 8. I just can't get enough of it. Good luck in the tournament. I'm really pulling for you against those jerks from Globo Gym. I think you better hurry up or you're gonna be late.
Peter La Fleur: Uh, actually I decided to quit... Lance.
Lance Armstrong: Quit? You know, once I was thinking of quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying of that's keeping you from the finals?
Peter La Fleur: Right now it feels a little bit like... shame.
Lance Armstrong: Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't anything to regret for the rest of their life. Well good luck to you Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever.

Redlefty said...

Amen, Dodgeball was great!

"I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit."

"That's me taking the bull by the horns. It's a metaphor. That really happened, though."

"There'a guy on our team dressed like a pirate?"

"Let's not find ourselves shackled by the strictures of employer/ employee relations. Unless of course you're into that sort of thing... in which case I have some shackles in the back. Just kidding. But, no, really, I have them."

"Thank you, Chuck Norris."


I can picture our wives' eyes rolling as we type, heh.

hardrox said...

I watched Dodgeball on a flight one time without headphones. Looked stupid. Watched it with headphones on the return trip. Laugh out loud funny.

Nice to see a light-hearted post considering all that you've been dealing with, Michael. Jack remains in my thoughts.

Bob Devlin said...

Excellent movie choices, RL. Dodgeball is one of the funniest movies I have seen.

I'm glad Jack is stable for now. All my best wishes continue for all.