Here's a lighthearted post with a glimpse into our fun family life. Next week will be one of my trademark stories. :)
Title: Language Barriers
Setting: We were eating at Escalante's, our favorite Mexican restaurant. The kids enjoy the cultural scenery and music almost as much as the food. Almost. We had just given our order to the waiter, and he replied, "Yes, thank you." and walked back to the kitchen. Samantha's jaw dropped, her eyes bulged out and she exclaimed:
Quote: "Wait a minute?!?! He speaks ENGLISH!?!?!"
Title: Like, totally
Setting: I was with the kids at the Kolache Factory for our usual Saturday morning breakfast. I had just parked the van and was walking through the parking lot with the kids. The traffic was really busy and there was lots of exhaust in the air. Jack sniffed the air and said:
Jack: "I smell like a truck!"
Me: "Do you mean you smell a truck?"
Jack: "NO! I smell LIKE a truck!"
All the bystanders enjoyed it.
Title: Out of left field
Setting: I was putting Samantha to bed and it was one of our "quiet" nights. Soft-spoken bedtime story, low-decibel bedtime song and some snuggle time with the light off. We were lying side-by-side in the dark, in a gentle hug, and I was just about to get up and leave her room. The she quietly whispered:
Samantha: "Hey, daddy?"
Me: "Yes, sugar?"
Samantha: "I can feel your nipple."
Title: Say what?
Setting: I had driven the kids to pick up our usual Friday night pizza (yes, several of our family traditions revolve around food). We had been listening to The Beatles in the car, and the kids were loving it.
Samantha: "Daddy, those Beatles are silly! They're almost as funny as you!"
Me: "Thanks, sugar! That's nice of you to say!"
Samantha: "You know who you're funny like? You're as funny as the booty white chicken!"
Apparently the "booty white chickens" were on display at the Houston Livestock Show, which she had visited in a class field trip that week. I went and saw them for myself when our whole family went to the Livestock Show. Frankly I think I'm funnier than they are.
Title: Inappropriate Daddy
Setting: Jack woke up screaming at 6:15 a.m. Jamie was at the gym exercising so I went to Jack's room to check on him. This verbal exchange happened in a tired stupor, and luckily he's still too young for me to cause a lot of trouble with this type of humor:
Jack: "Daddy, help!"
Me: "What's wrong?"
Jack: "I lost my Woody!"
Me: "Don't worry, son, they make little blue pills for that."
He was talking about the other kind, of course:
Title: Slammin' Sam
Setting: We had just watched "The Incredibles" for our family movie night on Friday. We were role-playing before bedtime and were pretending to be the superheroes from the movie. Samantha was Violet, the invisible daughter. Mommy was Elastigirl, all nice and stretchy. Jack was Dash, the fast-as-lightning son. That left me to be Mr. Incredible with super brawn.
Samantha: "Daddy, you can't be Mr. Incredible!"
Me: "Why not?"
Samantha: "You're too weak!"