Friday, March 21, 2008

Family quotes

Here's a lighthearted post with a glimpse into our fun family life. Next week will be one of my trademark stories. :)

Title: Language Barriers

Setting: We were eating at Escalante's, our favorite Mexican restaurant. The kids enjoy the cultural scenery and music almost as much as the food. Almost. We had just given our order to the waiter, and he replied, "Yes, thank you." and walked back to the kitchen. Samantha's jaw dropped, her eyes bulged out and she exclaimed:

Quote: "Wait a minute?!?! He speaks ENGLISH!?!?!"

Title: Like, totally

Setting: I was with the kids at the Kolache Factory for our usual Saturday morning breakfast. I had just parked the van and was walking through the parking lot with the kids. The traffic was really busy and there was lots of exhaust in the air. Jack sniffed the air and said:

Jack: "I smell like a truck!"
Me: "Do you mean you smell a truck?"
Jack: "NO! I smell LIKE a truck!"

All the bystanders enjoyed it.

Title: Out of left field

Setting: I was putting Samantha to bed and it was one of our "quiet" nights. Soft-spoken bedtime story, low-decibel bedtime song and some snuggle time with the light off. We were lying side-by-side in the dark, in a gentle hug, and I was just about to get up and leave her room. The she quietly whispered:

Samantha: "Hey, daddy?"
Me: "Yes, sugar?"
Samantha: "I can feel your nipple."

Title: Say what?

Setting: I had driven the kids to pick up our usual Friday night pizza (yes, several of our family traditions revolve around food). We had been listening to The Beatles in the car, and the kids were loving it.

Samantha: "Daddy, those Beatles are silly! They're almost as funny as you!"
Me: "Thanks, sugar! That's nice of you to say!"
Samantha: "You know who you're funny like? You're as funny as the booty white chicken!"

Apparently the "booty white chickens" were on display at the Houston Livestock Show, which she had visited in a class field trip that week. I went and saw them for myself when our whole family went to the Livestock Show. Frankly I think I'm funnier than they are.

Title: Inappropriate Daddy

Setting: Jack woke up screaming at 6:15 a.m. Jamie was at the gym exercising so I went to Jack's room to check on him. This verbal exchange happened in a tired stupor, and luckily he's still too young for me to cause a lot of trouble with this type of humor:

Jack: "Daddy, help!"
Me: "What's wrong?"
Jack: "I lost my Woody!"
Me: "Don't worry, son, they make little blue pills for that."

He was talking about the other kind, of course:

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Title: Slammin' Sam

Setting: We had just watched "The Incredibles" for our family movie night on Friday. We were role-playing before bedtime and were pretending to be the superheroes from the movie. Samantha was Violet, the invisible daughter. Mommy was Elastigirl, all nice and stretchy. Jack was Dash, the fast-as-lightning son. That left me to be Mr. Incredible with super brawn.

Samantha: "Daddy, you can't be Mr. Incredible!"
Me: "Why not?"
Samantha: "You're too weak!"

Ouch.

8 comments:

~aj~ said...

Some true "laugh out loud" moments! Kids are always good for a laugh!

hard.rox said...

Good stuff, Michael....I mean Mr. Nipple.

Hal Johnson said...

Hah! It's recurrent training time, which means five more days away from home. I needed this.

Roland said...

good post, Ms Incredible.

James W said...

That was some good stuff!!! I laughed all the way through

MamaRose said...

I got a 'tip' (pun--ha!) for ya:
When Adam saw me in my green PLAID nightgown at his house one morning recently, he looked up & the FIRST THING he said to me was: "RoRo, YOU'RE STRONG"--so, maybe get you a GREEN PLAID shirt & see IF Mr. Jack thinks you LOOK any STRONGER!

Kids DO say the FUNNIEST things--because they take MOST things LITERALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and your Dad said the SAME KINDS of things to you boys--you better hope, like he did, that you STOP BEFORE they get OLD enough to UNDERSTAND your 'sex' humor--HA!!!!

Otherwise, they will have 'GOOD' stories to pass on in their Bible classes--like Matt did!!!!!!!!!

THANKS for this GREAT/FUNNY POST!!!
LOVE YOU ALL BUNCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT EASTER!!!RoRo

Don R said...

Great stories! My three boys are grown. Wish I had written down all the funny stuff when they were growing up..

Redlefty said...

Heh, I knew some of you gys would be able to slam me just as well as Samantha did.

Well, I don't know how to pick between Mr. Nipple and Ms. Incredible. So I'll compromise.

Signed,

Ms. Nipple