Raising a 3-year-old daughter can be summarized several ways:
-A series of narrowly avoided disasters
-A series of alternating beautiful and infuriating moments
-A series of miracles seen through the eyes of a child
Lately though, my parenting experience can mostly be described as "a series of absolutely high-larious quotes." The things that come out of Samantha's mouth continue to amaze me. Last week I asked her how to spell "cat". Her answer was "G-O-Monkey." She spelled "go", then added the word monkey to the end. How do you respond to something like that? I did the only thing I could -- put cheese whiz on my slinky and did the cha-cha while wearing a beanie. OK, not really, but in Samantha's world that would probably make sense.
I've had the last week off work for the holidays, which means I've been Samantha's escort to the bathroom many times. Home, hotels, restaurants, grocery stores... I've taken Samantha to all their bathrooms lately. If I was to add up all her recent bathroom quotes, the conversation would go like this (yes, she really said these things).
Samantha: (Raises fist in the air) I'm going to do the biggest poo-poo EVER!
Samantha: Daddy, do you need to go pee-pee?
Me: Nope, I'm fine. This is your turn.
Samantha: This potty is dirty. And stinky too.
Me: Well, we're in a Phillips 66, sugar. That's what you get.
Samantha: The toilet paper is broken!
Me: Not really, it's just crooked. Don't worry, it still works the same. Are you finished now?
Samantha: Not yet. I'm busy slipping. (She was right; I could see her slowly falling in.)
Me: (Catching her). There you go. You finished now?
Samantha: Yes. I want to flush. Where's the handle?
Me: This one doesn't have a handle; it's automatic. That means it flushes by itself. It will know when we leave, then it will flush.
Samantha: Cool! (We leave the stall). What is that little potty?
Me: That's the urinal. It's for boys only, but I don't need to go right now.
(The automatic toilet flushes. Samantha turns around and starts clapping as big and loud as she can.)
Samantha: YAY!!! Way to go, potty!
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