Monday, November 05, 2007

Verbal Do-Overs

My mom was a big fan of do-overs. For a short while during my childhood we played tennis together as a family -- it was usually me and Mom against Dad and my brother. Whenever Dad or Matt would hit a laser close to Mom, she's shout "Too hard! Do-over!" The point didn't count. It was like it never happened.

We've all had the experience of waking up at 2am and finally coming up with the perfect comeback to someone's snarky comment earlier in the day. If only we had a verbal do-over.

If I could go back in time, here are a few of my verbal do-overs from the past week. Feel free to share yours in the comments section or in your own blogs (doesn't everybody have one now?).

#1 -- YMCA locker room (bet you'd never have guessed)

Setting: I'm getting undressed to take a shower, and a very naked man, in absolutely no rush to find or don clothing, asks me what I do for a living. My answer ended up starting a long, uncomfortable discussion that seemed full of inuendo (on his end).
What he said: "What do you do for a living?"
What I said: "I'm in Sales."
My verbal do-over: "I work for the CIA, running sting operations to capture sex perverts."

#2 -- Trunk-or-Treat at our church

Setting: Our van was one of the 70 vehicles that was decorated and setup to pass out candy to kids in our parking lot. Over 4,000 people attended. Have you ever passed out candy to 4,000 people? It's exhausting. After two hours of candy and costumes, my sense of humor started getting weird, and it completely turned off an asian mother. Apparently what they perceive as funny is very different. And very not me.
What she said: "You Shaggy from Scooby Doo! You look just like him!"
What I said: "Thank you; it took hours of make-up. I'm actually a short blonde man." (She proceeded to scowl and walk away angrily)
My verbal do-over: "Thank you! Happy Halloween!"

#3 -- Ice cream surprise

Setting: Me, Jamie and the kids were at our regular Friday night ice cream date (Marble Slab in Houston). Samantha got out an imaginary yardstick and began measuring things. Then she decided to measure me, starting from my toes and ending at my head:
What she said: "One, two three, four... ten inches. Are you ten inches, Daddy?"
What I said: "Not now, but maybe later. It depends on Mommy."
My verbal do-over: "Not in my wildest dreams, sweetheart."


FishrCutB8 said...

Verbal do overs...the French actually have a term for it: L'esprit d'escalier, or the wisdom of the staircase. It's for when we think of witty retorts or savage comebacks after the situation is over and our head has cleared.

How are you, my friend?

Redlefty said...

Doing great!

"Wisdom of the shower" may be more appropriate for when inspiration usually hits me.

By the way, I found you on LinkedIn but you haven't updated your profile with the new job. Tsk, tsk...

MamaRose said...

Shame on you, JUST LIKE YOUR DADDY, making SEX JOKES with your kids when you KNOW--you THINK you know--they don't GET them, YET.......HA!!!!

And, I LOVED the short, blonde man joke--whether the Asian lady GOT it or not!!!!!

And, the NAKED man at the Y NEEDS to PUT SOME CLOTHES ON--so TRY the CIA 'line' on him NEXT TIME!!!!!!

You know, you were 'pursued by the Marines & the FBI'--FOR REAL, but after watching 'House' last night, I think you WOULD have BEEN GREAT in the CIA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe it's not too late.......

And, for the record, I STILL LOVE 'Do-overs'!!!!!!!!!!!! ANY TIME, ANY WHERE!!!!!!!!! There's just PERFECT times for them, still!
LOVE YOU BUNCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mom