Work has been simply insane lately. I had to fire an employee last week (my first time... not fun), so it's transition time at the office as we backfill the work.
Along those lines, here are more actual quotes from www.overheardintheoffice.com:
Five-year-old: I'm taking a break.
Young librarian: What are you taking a break from?
Five-year-old: ...The world.
Cashier: And what form of payment will you be using today?
Manager: Be sure that you take a coat with you if you go over there, because when it's warm here, it's cold there.
Employee: In England?
Manager: Yeah, their summer is like our winter.
Employee: I don't think so.
Manager, frustrated: Well, it's true. I went there in May, and it was freezing. I had to wear a jacket all the time. They're in, like, a different hemisphere or something.
Employee, laughing: No, they aren't. They're just further North than we are, and their climate's a little different. Australia's in a different hemisphere. England is in the same hemisphere that we are -- North.
Manager, in a cold fury: Look. I've been there.
Chick: Dude, you're such a poser. You talk about food all day long and then go home and eat salad. You're not a real fatty like me. Talk to me when you join the club.
Intern, at water machine: You know, I've never known which one of these is colder.
Boss: What do you mean?
Intern: I've never been sure if the red tab gives you colder water than the blue tab.
Intern: Do you know?
Boss: Yeah. It's the blue tab.
Intern: Are you sure?
Boss: [Walks away.]
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